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Wow.....
Maybe the thread should be "is it alright to share all your stuff on AIM or whatever daily with a guy your falling in love, but so far just call it a crush, behind your deadbeat, uneducated, noncommunicative husbands back?" lol
Please. You didn't marry someone b/c they were the only person on the planet you found attractive and interesting. You married them b/c they were someone you did find attractive and interesting and you fell in love with them and felt intellectually that they would be a good match and partner for you to journey through life with (sorry for run-on sentence).
That does not mean you will never find any other attractive and interesting people. You probably did before and you will again. But you put the kaibosh on those feelings because you made a commitment that you should honor.
Although I believe in the sanctity and committment of marriage, I can also understand where she is coming from and don't understand the negative posts on here.
The two of you married young IMO, and you are still growing, getting your Masters, figuring out what you want out of life. You have come to a point where you realize that you have grown in different ways and might possibly want different things. It can still work, or maybe it won't. I was in that scenario many years ago. I think what you're doing, speaking to a counselor and sorting out your feelings, is the mature and responsible thing to do.
i think i just don't want to pour my heart out on a message board. there's a bit more to it than i posted, sure, i haven't been happy with certain things in my marraige that have really come to bother me lately and i think it started to show with my friends and the person of interest.
as for the part that i would be crucified here for is that i've sorta unloaded my unhappy feelings on him during an online conversation and we've talked online about stuff ever since (about a week now, all relatively new). i'm just at a point where i don't really know what i want. but i am going to meet with a counselor at my university next week to start sorting it all out. i know i am on a very slippery slope right now and i have some big decisions to make.
as far as my education comment being disrespectful, i disagree, i was just being honest. he has a job for a year, quits/gets fired, is unemployed/depressed for months before he gets a new one (this has happened 2-3 times in the past few years). that's not stable to me and i worry about what it will be like when/if we have kids. i've talked about this and other issues with my husband, but he doesn't see anything wrong with it and that he thinks i am projecting my unhappiness onto him...but i don't know about that.
i'll figure it out eventually...thanks for your opinions people.
Yep, this marriage is doomed. You never, ever, discuss your marital problems with another man, especially one you're interested in. It sets things up for an emotional affair, and it's typically followed by a physical one.
However, it doesn't really sound like your husband is necessarily a great catch. The educational difference isn't the problem. It's his inability to maintain a steady job. I would be concerned about any person who thinks there's nothing wrong with consistently quitting or getting fired from a job.
Counceling will help you, but if your husband is unwilling to change, well, it's just not going to work out in the long run. In the meantime, stop discussing your personal life with your crush.
OK, without a background story here, do you think it is normal for a married person or person in a serious committed relationship (a few years at least) to develop a crush/feelings for someone else?
because i think that if two people are so in love, there would be no room for feelings for someone else, but i don't know, maybe it's a normal part of life...what do you think? do share...thanks!
No, I don't...
if you are married and have feelings for someone else, it is wrong, period, and I believe you know that, but are posting this for validation and approval in your own mind...
Everytime you post, you add more information about your feelings & happenings about your so-called crush.
As I stated earlier, this was trouble. A crush is like an infatuation, most crushes do not go anywhere, however, you are already disrespecting your husband, and having secret conversations w/this crush....You need help now. Why did you even get married, considering you have had this crush throughout most your marriage. Go talk to your mother, an aunt,sister or someone. Get yourself some good advise, because you obviously are very confused in what you want, and you are going to hurt someone else for your own self-satisfaction. Be very cautious, respect your husband, get the help you need.
I'm married and I have crushes all the time but they are with celebs and I don't hide it. Like, right now it's Daniel Craig. Oooh baby!!
Now, if you mean in every day life, I guess it's kind of weird but as long as it's "innocent" and not an impulse that one acts on then there's no harm in that. I mean, is it realistic that you'll never find someone else attractive after you get married?
Being attracted to another perosn is one thing but a crush to me indicates strong feelings physical and mental for that person..If youre in a good solid marriage then you should never enter these zones, quite frankly why get married if any charming person can sweep you off your feet??
This is why i always try to keep a distance from my friends girlfriends or wives,dotnt get me worng im friendly with them and my friends no im not that tyoe of guy but i think you never cross a certian line of friendlienss or things get akward even if theres no bad intentions on either side..
by definition you are not in a committed relationship if you got the hots for somebody else.
love is a verb not a noun, how many married people live loveless lives its scary.
the cruelty that occurs under the disguise of marriage. 10 years of involuntary celebacy is not rare.
want to hear the excuses--- read CDF posts.
Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 05-16-2009 at 07:47 PM..
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