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Taking a break...I always took breaks from guys that I no longer wanted to date. They were called permanent breaks.
Your situation is different because you have been with this person for 4 years so maybe he needs just that. Maybe he needs a little break/vacation from the relationship for a few days. I would not be too worried but as someone else said, give him his space and give him his break and hopefully he will see how much he misses you and needs you!
Ive taken breaks from my ex and it helped. The longest was 4 months but they usually didnt last more than a week. He was starting to feel smothered so he just needed space. I think space helps but like others said you should define what this sapce means. Can you all date others? Then that might be a problem. He had sex with others the 4 months we were apart and I went out on dates and came close to getting in a relationshipw ith someone else. If he wants to dat eother people he may need to make sure he is happy where he is. When my ex came back to me he said he realized no one was better that me.
Is taking a break from a relationship detrimental? My boyfriend of almost 4 years all of a sudden started feeling and acting weird. One minute he is so loving and the next he is irritable. I suggested to him that we take a break and at first he didn't want to do that. Then after four or five days, he agreed that maybe we should take a break for a week for him to take sometime to himself to figure out what is wrong with him. Should I be worried? I mean does this mean that we are doomed?
What are you worried about - you're the one who suggested the break!
I've heard stories of "taking a break" bringing people closer together, but never experienced it.
Every break I've ever had has turned out to be permanent.
I hate to say this but I will be honest.... I was in this "break" situation earlier this year in my last relationship. We ended up breaking up for good a month later. Sometimes if things aren't going well it's just a bandaide.
I hate to say this but I will be honest.... I was in this "break" situation earlier this year in my last relationship. We ended up breaking up for good a month later. Sometimes if things aren't going well it's just a bandaide.
Exactly. To me a break is simply a way of going seperate ways without having to deal with the emotions involved with a sudden break-up.
In your mind, you are not permanently broken up, yet are free to live your life. Therefore, the grief, sadness, and anger never come. By the time you realize that you won't be together again, you are already far along in the healing process.
I think the suggestion to define what "taking a break" means was a good one. I will sometimes go to the "bat cave" to process an issue. This may have nothing to do with the relationship but it is a problem needing my full/sometimes cranky attention. Why subject someone I love and care for to me being grumpy while I work thru the situation? Clear communication is necessary so my SO understands it is not about us but something else entirely. It has worked well for us to handle things this way. Good luck.
Thank you all for your advice. We have defined what taking a "break" meant (We don't talk to or see each other, neither one of us dates or has sex with other people and we would see if his mood was better in a week). He indicated that he didn't want to break up he just needed time to himself to try and figure out what was wrong with him. He also stated, almost verbatim, what one of you previously stated that he didn't want to subject me to his grumpiness and he didn't like being grumpy towards me, so he just needed to take sometime to himself for a week. I did suggest we not talk to or see each other during this time so his thoughts aren't clouded. But I've got to be honest, I'm not sure what a week of not seeing or talking to each other would accomplish, but ok! He seems to think that he'll feel better and have figured things out.
He and I both have talked about, or should I say attempted to talk about how he feels, but he still doesn't really know. I thought it could be the passing of his father, almost four years ago, but I've never had someone so close to me pass away and don't know how long that hurt is there. I've also asked him if he was depressed and needed to seek some professional help. I went even further to ask if he was unhappy in the relationship and I was his issue...to all of these questions (except his father) he said no. When I mentioned his father he said he didn't know if that was his issue or not, but it could be.
One of you asked why I was worried when I was the one that suggested the break, well I've never taken a break from a relationship before and have been told that taking one means the relationship is doomed. However, my suggesting a break to him was to allow him time to figure things out without me calling or us seeing each other, so if our relationship was the cause of his mood swings he could make a decision on if he wanted to continue down this path with me. Then my other issue was, how do we take a break from each other and I not be bitter and hurt when we do talk to each other again? How do I not ask a barage of questions about this time he took to himself? Should I be the one to contact him after our agreed upon timeframe? It's hard to stop talking to someone that you are still in love with, you are still in a relationship with, you have grown to be best friends, and all of a sudden you can't figure out how he feels.
Last edited by Ultimate_lady; 11-07-2008 at 04:25 AM..
As far as when the week is over tell him you will be glad to talk to him when he is ready to share. My SO used this method and it paved the way for us to talk. Actually, it let me share what had been going on in my head in the bits and pieces I was comfortable with. Again, good luck
Is taking a break from a relationship detrimental? My boyfriend of almost 4 years all of a sudden started feeling and acting weird. One minute he is so loving and the next he is irritable. I suggested to him that we take a break and at first he didn't want to do that. Then after four or five days, he agreed that maybe we should take a break for a week for him to take sometime to himself to figure out what is wrong with him. Should I be worried? I mean does this mean that we are doomed?
He is grump & irritable because of something. It "caused" you to bring up the "break" issue, not him....therefore, he didn't have to man up & tell you he wanted some space for whatever reason, he got you to suggest it.....been there, & had it done to me...my best wishes to both of you.....if not talking to you for a week makes everything better for him, what's the point of returning to the relationship for him?
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I mean does this mean that we are doomed?
Good luck.
