Why do most very-attractive people act very-unfriendly? (lover, pickup, muscular)

[Johnny Vanderburgh]

Nonsense.

I'm very ****ing friendly.

[Shankapotomus]

Originally Posted by Lucario

I disagree. I think it'd be great to be stared at for being attractive. I'd love that.

I agree with you there. But the problem is if you don't know or think you're attractive or know why people are reacting strangely around you, the human mind will invent unflattering reasons for the attention you're getting.

And it gets old after a awhile and, after a lifetime of relationship experience, you recognize people who are impressed with looks so much as to react to them as immature. It IS immature. Of course, everyone wants to be appreciated for their appearance but if you've lacked being appreciated for your intellect, you would much prefer that. You value being appreciated for appearance because maybe you lack it. But we all want what we lack. It doesn't make what we want correct.

And additionally, what about the shallowness of people who respond to a person's attractive physical appearance? What does that say about them? By responding positively just based on what they look like without regard to who the person is you are displaying a shallow personality. It's not so great to be the subject of shallowness.

[Lucario]

Originally Posted by Shankapotomus

I agree with you there. But the problem is if you don't know or think you're attractive or know why people are reacting strangely around you, the human mind will invent unflattering reasons for the attention you're getting.

That depends on the state of your mind. If you have pride and/confidence in the attributes you possess including and exclusive of your appearance, you're not going to invent anything; you're going to process the source and context of that attention and go from there.

And it gets old after a awhile and, after a lifetime of relationship experience, you recognize people who are impressed with looks so much as to react to them as immature. It IS immature. Of course, everyone wants to be appreciated for their appearance but if you've lacked being appreciated for your intellect, you would much prefer that. You value being appreciated for appearance because maybe you lack it. But we all want what we lack. It doesn't make what we want correct.

Maybe, maybe not. But growing up I was derided constantly because of my intellect (I'm a pretty smart dude) AND my appearance (strange in that some people hate the way I look, some people love the way I look, most are indifferent). I value being appreciated, period. I don't care what it is that they like about me, because life soon shows us all that there will always be those who don't like what we have to offer, no matter what that is.

And additionally, what about the shallowness of people who respond to a person's attractive physical appearance? What does that say about them?

That's their problem, not mine.

By responding positively just based on what they look like without regard to who the person is you are displaying a shallow personality. It's not so great to be the subject of shallowness.

You're going to be the subject of shallowness no matter what the circumstance, because society tends to err on the side of the shallow; out there, there are many more people who are shallow than there are who are not. If someone likes the way I look, I smile and continue on with my day, because I know that looks are finite - we all lose them eventually - and there are those who don't like what I have anyway.

I still say it's better to be attractive than it is to be ugly, and I can't find anyone who has refuted that yet.

[MontanaGuy]

One thing I noticed when I took the bus to work for many years is that attractive women are flirted with and hit on to such an extent that they will often put on a stone faced look or pretend to be reading a book just to attempt to keep these pesky men away. I've also seen guys, particular the younger ones, who will just not take the hint and become overly aggressive. I think this must be annoying and even intimidating when you've got some creep in your face that just won't leave you alone. And when you're on any kind of mass transit you're stuck there until you get to your destination. I think this would explain a lot of that perception that very attractive people (particularly women) may come across as being unfriendly.

[Shaolin070388]

Originally Posted by MontanaGuy

One thing I noticed when I took the bus to work for many years is that attractive women are flirted with and hit on to such an extent that they will often put on a stone faced look or pretend to be reading a book just to attempt to keep these pesky men away. I've also seen guys, particular the younger ones, who will just not take the hint and become overly aggressive. I think this must be annoying and even intimidating when you've got some creep in your face that just won't leave you alone. And when you're on any kind of mass transit you're stuck there until you get to your destination. I think this would explain a lot of that perception that very attractive people (particularly women) may come across as being unfriendly.

But what they don't realize is quality guys won't want anything to do with them if they're going to look and act like that. I wouldn't waste my time with a hot girl that looks like she wants to bite my head off. I'll just leave her alone and go for someone that's more approachable and friendly.

[Veyron]

Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948

attractive is part of the package, the full package is narcisst.
they dont have to act friendly bek there is always a line outside their door of wanabees.
people orbit around them.
see film interview with a vampire, tells it all.

[I might]

I.... smiled and told her I had never had a bad day in my life. Usually people respond to this type of optimism positively (really?), but she didn't react and didn't look at me the whole time I was there. Odd, but I often get that type of rude treatment from women in a customer service capacity. It certainly wasn't because I was some creep hitting on her - I never hit on women.

She probably thought you were going to go into some religious diatribe or sell...Mormons here like to open with stuff like that and when you respond "good for you!" they then invite you to some "meeting" and stress over and over how you too could feel that positive every day!!!!!!! . ....if you let Him into your life...". Just something I have experienced quite often.

Most women and quite a few men here seem to understand why people (maybe especially pretty women) are "stone-faced" in some instances. It is more situational for me, but I have friends that get hit on EVERYWHERE and I can see how one would have to develop a mechanism to deal with it or spend your entire day trying to let guys down easy, run away or just look like a complete B by screaming at them to leave you alone. You develop that cold, distant stare, or plop in your earphones and bury yourself in the paper/magazine to avoid those problems (these are the "lonely" attractive women one poster mentioned).

As a woman (and therefore not seen as a threat), I have often talked to these "very attractive women" on busses, in waiting rooms, in line and I have always found them to be endearing, positive and sweet....they are just afraid to speak to men that do not know how to approach them for fear of having to go through that whole rejection/leave me alone routine day in and day out.

It is that simple...and truthfully, most men really do send off the incorrect vibes when they try to talk to very attractive women. I have a whole new respect/understanding/sympathy for those 9's and 10's in our world. That's coming pretty far for a formerly "homely"-looking girl who, quite honestly, used to despise them and think as many of the more negative posters here do. I thank my parent's average genes that I was not a "looker" for much of my life. I've turned it around a lot in the last few years, so now I have to deal more with unwanted attention, but it is slightly easier for me as I am older and a former Marine...

The guys these women WILL talk to? Someone who knows how to give off the right "friendly, but not too friendly" body signals....and who has nice breath, dresses well, grooms himself, etc. You need not necessarily be "attractive" per se. As many guys have noted, you can get away with more as a guy in the looks department (if you are clean, and at least make SOME effort), but you need to really work on your social skills if you don't want to be perceived as making inappropriate "conversation". I think it is probably EASIER for good looking guys to approach the more attractive girls not so much because they are attractive per se, but merely because he has developed the correct social etiquette for the situation and does not seem overly interested (he will also easily pick up the vibe if the girl is not interested and either leaves her alone or signals that being friends is truly an OK state for him...body language-wise). He has met/associated with girls as attractive as she is and is completely comfortable with the situation, so she is as well. However, I've also seen very attractive men who are complete idiots socially and the girls ignore them...so it is more about the way you approach them than what you look like. I can pretty much guarantee this.

One post was correct when he said to treat them like anyone else. That would work, if one could really do it, but often I think people just find it hard to get past extreme looks on either side of the spectrum (a 9/10 or a 1/2).

The OP seems to be asking why people in Toronto in particular act that way, and has mentioned that he has encountered it in so many places that I have to wonder if he is the one that is simply acting a little strange in his sheer frustration, therefore creating a tenseness that is palpably felt by these people he is encountering every day. Every city seems to have its own social vibe and once you get in the groove, I think people are very easy to get to know....but you can't bring your culture with you from elsewhere and think it is going to be understood or appreciated. Maybe with persistence and a really solid confidence the people you work with and have gotten to know will like it, but that doesn't mean that people on the train or in the store are going to ever warm up to you...particularly in more crowded, cold cities. I think there was even a social experiment that discussed the differences in social customs based on temperature and what you are experiencing may be related to that as well.

[miu]

Originally Posted by Lucario

I disagree. I think it'd be great to be stared at for being attractive. I'd love that.

But you are a GUY!!! For a woman that is at all attractive, it gets tiresome if all men do is show interest for their beauty, which translates to sexual overtures. Most women don't mind being friendly for the sake of having more platonic friends. However most women aren't interested in having lots of men wanting them for sex.

Obviously, you as a man, would not object at all if lots of women wanting to have sex with you based on your physical good looks.

Originally Posted by Lucario

Maybe, maybe not. But growing up I was derided constantly because of my intellect (I'm a pretty smart dude) AND my appearance (strange in that some people hate the way I look, some people love the way I look, most are indifferent). I value being appreciated, period. I don't care what it is that they like about me, because life soon shows us all that there will always be those who don't like what we have to offer, no matter what that is.

^^ See? This is also a case of "the grass is always greener". You've never experienced lots of people attracted to you for your looks, so you think that it would be wonderful to be handsome and physically attractive.

I still say it's better to be attractive than it is to be ugly, and I can't find anyone who has refuted that yet.

Again, you feel this way because you've never experienced it, and also because you are a man, so you have never felt uncomfortable when someone who is physically stronger than you is desiring to have sex with you.

And ultimately, most people (especially women) want to be loved for their inner qualities and not be only desired as a sex object for their physical attractiveness.

And there is also the aspect of how our society thinks more highly of young attractive women than older women that have lost their youthful beauty. You as a man will never have to worry about that. Which means as you get older, you won't ever feel very insecure that looking old is going to prevent you from finding and keeping love.

[DennyCrane]

Originally Posted by miu

And ultimately, most people (especially women) want to be loved for their inner qualities and not be only desired as a sex object for their physical attractiveness.

And there is also the aspect of how our society thinks more highly of young attractive women than older women that have lost their youthful beauty. You as a man will never have to worry about that. Which means as you get older, you won't ever feel very insecure that looking old is going to prevent you from finding and keeping love.

This is the part that always gets me. On the one hand, women want men to see them as more than just sex objects. But when their looks fade, they complain that men aren't paying them attention anymore. So you complain when your looks work in your favor and then complain when they don't. That would be like me being rich and complaining that women only want me for my money, then going broke and complaining that women no longer want me because I'm poor.

[Lucario]

Originally Posted by miu

But you are a GUY!!! For a woman that is at all attractive, it gets tiresome if all men do is show interest for their beauty, which translates to sexual overtures. Most women don't mind being friendly for the sake of having more platonic friends. However most women aren't interested in having lots of men wanting them for sex.

Yes, I guess it is quite different for guys than it is women.

Obviously, you as a man, would not object at all if lots of women wanting to have sex with you based on your physical good looks.

That's right. It's kind of how we are.

^^ See? This is also a case of "the grass is always greener". You've never experienced lots of people attracted to you for your looks, so you think that it would be wonderful to be handsome and physically attractive.

Yeah. Pretty much.

Again, you feel this way because you've never experienced it, and also because you are a man, so you have never felt uncomfortable when someone who is physically stronger than you is desiring to have sex with you.

Again, true. If someone physically stronger than me wanted to have sex, I would think that would be really strange and prepare for a fight to the death.

And ultimately, most people (especially women) want to be loved for their inner qualities and not be only desired as a sex object for their physical attractiveness.

It's great to be loved for your inner qualities. It's also great to be thought of as attractive or desirable.

And there is also the aspect of how our society thinks more highly of young attractive women than older women that have lost their youthful beauty. You as a man will never have to worry about that. Which means as you get older, you won't ever feel very insecure that looking old is going to prevent you from finding and keeping love.

I don't really agree with that. Though I never have been particularly attractive, the older I get, the less attractive I am. If I were back on the market, I would be afraid that I won't find anyone. It has never been easy for me, and I know that as an older man it would be even harder.