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right, when guys tell me they want to be friends, it really means "I don't plan to contact you again, but I don't want to be an a-hole about it".
I can't stand those type guys either.
I had a room-mate in U who didn't even try to soften the blow.
F**k Off B|tch! was what he used. Clear, direct and most got the message. Never had problems finding the next one, either. Years later, I encountered someone else from the floor and he still couldn't believe it. Me too.
Its the guys who can't afford to **** women off who beat around the bush. Its a difficult situation to deal with and they improvise.
What would you prefer?
This sort of reminds me of the scene in Tootsie when Dustin Hoffman got slapped. Just doing what he was told!
Sportsfangal, I agree with all your posts here and can relate. My last boyfriend and I dated for a little less than a year, then we broke up but neither of us started seeing anyone else and the relationship became a sort of casual friends w benefits situation. Fast forward a year, he starts dating someone else, doesn't let me know the situation has changed, but stops returning my phone calls. I finally get hold of him, and because I'm getting ready to move out of state, we get together for a goodbye lunch. At the lunch and also in a previous e-mail he had said that we would remain friends and that he'd be sure to get in touch when he came to my city for work.
So, the last I ever heard from him was the day I moved. I sent him a few e-mails and left a couple phone messages but it took a few weeks before I realized that he wasn't going to be my friend, nor stay in touch.
What was the point of lying to me? I ended up kind of feeling stupid for sending him e-mails and calling, like nothing was wrong. How the heck was I supposed to know I had been shut out of his life? Our last lunch together was fine, a bit tense at times, but it ended with us laughing and joking and him telling me that this wasn't goodbye, it was just "see you later"
Once I figured him out, I was fine and figure it's his loss because I am a good friend, and have managed to stay friends with a couple other ex-boyfriends (although contact is very infrequent).
I've never used the friends line. I've always basically said- sorry this isn't going to work out, but I wish you all the best. Usually that stings some, even if the woman I don't think was that interested in me. I'm rather up front and direct about it. Ultimately, the "let's be friends" business may be better, but some may not get the B.S. so I just give to them quick and dirty.
There have been times that I have casually dated women and we were split by long distance so we stayed in contact via email or on facebook. I still chat with on occasion or visit with women I may have dated years ago when I happen to be down under. And sometimes not. Sometimes we've exchanged contact details and then we never saw or heard from one another again.
well, then she's just a psycho girl, not a mature woman. She would probably have done that to you anyway. "Friends" or no "friends"
Quote:
Originally Posted by zman0
Which sounds well and good until you start getting phone calls every 30 minutes, all throughout the night, creepy messages on your answering machine, and your car gets keyed. Then she starts calling you at work, or calling your friends and asking when and where you're going out next.
Sorry, I like the "lets be friends" bit. Far less for psychos to freak out on.
It's unfortunate that there's little to no help for men in domestic abuse situations.
I already mentioned what I would prefer. For the man to be an adult and say something like "it's not going to work out, let's go our separate ways"
If the girls turns psycho, she was weak, with no self esteem anyway. Of course saying cuss words and yelling is not what people would prefer, I never said that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NotARedneck
I had a room-mate in U who didn't even try to soften the blow.
F**k Off B|tch! was what he used. Clear, direct and most got the message. Never had problems finding the next one, either. Years later, I encountered someone else from the floor and he still couldn't believe it. Me too.
Its the guys who can't afford to **** women off who beat around the bush. Its a difficult situation to deal with and they improvise.
What would you prefer?
This sort of reminds me of the scene in Tootsie when Dustin Hoffman got slapped. Just doing what he was told!
why do guys ask girls "let's still be friends?" when they have no intention of ever calling her again?
I realize it's just their chickens**t way of disappearing, but does it mean anything else?
I had a guy that I liked and we went out a few times say this to me recently.(we've know each other for about 2 yrs) I wanted more with him, but he told me a while ago that he didn't know if he wanted to get married or have kids. So, that should have been my first clue, but we still stayed in contact. Well, I decided to let him go, not really call him anymore, etc. but he still kept texting (which I hate!) me, he would ask me out for drinks, etc. well, we don't see each other often, but I was interested in something more long term, but was torn because he had already mentioned he wasn't sure about a relationship/kids. So I just told him flat out, that I would like something more with him, but I knew his feelings on the subject, so I was scared to say anything. He went on to text me again saying he wasn't sure about marriage/kids, but can we be "friends"?? I ignored the text, and I assume he will never be heard from again.
Sorry about the long post, but why do guys ask this when they have no intentions of being your "friend"? friends go out to eat, right? friends go to the movies? friends call each other? friends email each other, right?
So why say "friends"?
Just wanted feedback on it, thanks!
p.s.- I thought I'd mention this, yes, we had been intimate during the 2 years,(only a couple occasions) which of course was never a problem with him. But why is it ok for a guy to be intimate with a girl but then say you just want to be friends? (and never call again?) I know people, especially men, can separate sex from feelings or love, and I wasn't in love with him, but I don't see how you can go from meeting for drinks, going out, intimacy, etc. to "friends"???
Sounds like he just wanted the sex....not the commitment. My thinking is and always has been this....I want what I want and I won't change it for anyone so if a guy doesn't make sense in my life, eventhough I might like him a lot, there are plenty more where he came from so.......NEXT Life is too short to settle for men who play.....Go for the whole package....don't settle for less......and definitly don't allow him to play you via bootycall
"tropical", what a jerk and good riddence anyway!! that's my motto! Once the guy starts to not call, not email, or change behavior like that, it is an instant red-flag to me and I do the same.
I stop calling, stop texting, stop emails, etc. Whatever behavior they exhibit towards me is what I reciprocate.
I don't mess around with the calls, emails, etc. I have learned to never give more than I get. If a guy treats me well, and with kindness and respect (rare, I know!) then I treat him that way as well. If he starts to get shady or stop communicating, then I do the same. I'm not going to call all over town looking for your a**!
the only thing I would say for you is next time, if a guy decides to stop communicating, for whatever reason, then just let him go. No questions asked. It will be hard at first, but it gets easier! that way, you can remain open for a quality guy who will treat you with respect!
The problem I had with my "friend", was the lying part, I knew he would vanish because I mentioned relationship, so that was a given, but the part about being "friends" was so lame, I ignored the text (not going to dignify it with a response!), and don't plan to hear from or contact him again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tropical Trouble
Sportsfangal, I agree with all your posts here and can relate. My last boyfriend and I dated for a little less than a year, then we broke up but neither of us started seeing anyone else and the relationship became a sort of casual friends w benefits situation. Fast forward a year, he starts dating someone else, doesn't let me know the situation has changed, but stops returning my phone calls. I finally get hold of him, and because I'm getting ready to move out of state, we get together for a goodbye lunch. At the lunch and also in a previous e-mail he had said that we would remain friends and that he'd be sure to get in touch when he came to my city for work.
So, the last I ever heard from him was the day I moved. I sent him a few e-mails and left a couple phone messages but it took a few weeks before I realized that he wasn't going to be my friend, nor stay in touch.
What was the point of lying to me? I ended up kind of feeling stupid for sending him e-mails and calling, like nothing was wrong. How the heck was I supposed to know I had been shut out of his life? Our last lunch together was fine, a bit tense at times, but it ended with us laughing and joking and him telling me that this wasn't goodbye, it was just "see you later"
Once I figured him out, I was fine and figure it's his loss because I am a good friend, and have managed to stay friends with a couple other ex-boyfriends (although contact is very infrequent).
exactly! (good to hear from you lola!) I don't invest time in those kind of losers anyway, and I'm glad I didn't invest that much time in him. Although I liked him, wanted more with him because we always had nice times when we went out, but he did act slightly questionable at times, weird excuses like " I can't come over because I'm just too drunk" I mean please, get in a cab, come over and you can just pass out here", I really wanted to see him and thought that was a lame excuse!
So, it's reallly no big deal for me, I just hate the term "friends" being used when they don't mean it or have intentions of actually being your friend. (No guy is worth getting psycho over!)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lola8822
Sounds like he just wanted the sex....not the commitment. My thinking is and always has been this....I want what I want and I won't change it for anyone so if a guy doesn't make sense in my life, eventhough I might like him a lot, there are plenty more where he came from so.......NEXT Life is too short to settle for men who play.....Go for the whole package....don't settle for less......and definitly don't allow him to play you via bootycall
exactly! (good to hear from you lola!) I don't invest time in those kind of losers anyway, and I'm glad I didn't invest that much time in him. Although I liked him, wanted more with him because we always had nice times when we went out, but he did act slightly questionable at times, weird excuses like " I can't come over because I'm just too drunk" I mean please, get in a cab, come over and you can just pass out here", I really wanted to see him and thought that was a lame excuse!
So, it's reallly no big deal for me, I just hate the term "friends" being used when they don't mean it or have intentions of actually being your friend. (No guy is worth getting psycho over!)
Yea I hear ya.....I am probably overly dismissive though so I don't recomend what I do lol .....If I feel like somone isn't interested I'm gone....no questions asked...I'm an all or nothing kinda girl lol which, probably isn't too healthy but so far so good.
In general I think just knowing that something is not going where you want it to go is a turn off......there really are good guys out there who actually might deserve you.....don't waste any more time on that loser
appreciate your willingness to be respectful about it. But, I know it can go both ways, I have said "let's be friends to a guy who liked me more than I liked him, but I MEANT it! and actually wanted to still go out and do things with him, but of course, he never returned my next call. So, I thought, ok, you only get 1 (unreturned) call from me (within reason), so that was that!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by wanneroo
I've never used the friends line. I've always basically said- sorry this isn't going to work out, but I wish you all the best. Usually that stings some, even if the woman I don't think was that interested in me. I'm rather up front and direct about it. Ultimately, the "let's be friends" business may be better, but some may not get the B.S. so I just give to them quick and dirty.
There have been times that I have casually dated women and we were split by long distance so we stayed in contact via email or on facebook. I still chat with on occasion or visit with women I may have dated years ago when I happen to be down under. And sometimes not. Sometimes we've exchanged contact details and then we never saw or heard from one another again.
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Life is too short to settle for men who play.....Go for the whole package....don't settle for less......and definitly don't allow him to play you via bootycall 
.....If I feel like somone isn't interested I'm gone....no questions asked...I'm an all or nothing kinda girl lol which, probably isn't too healthy but so far so good.
