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Ugh... it takes alot of energy not to feel bitter. I grew up your typical nerdy outcast. Loved videogames, loved to draw (not anymore), afraid to fight because I was such a square. I didn't want to get in trouble, never got into a fight, hung around with social outcasts, wasn't really academically smart until the 9th grade but from then on out my fate was set in stone. Women would freak out if I showed the slightest hint I liked them. Of course I think I was attracted to women "out of my league" or just they were too superficial. Most of them still are ten years later. Post high school, I still had horrible acne, a crummy job, embarrassing family, and at work my mom worked at the same place and between her and my sister they leaked horrible secrets about me that I don't dare think what they said but long story short: Small city + gossip = you're boned. Plus, being in a small town people get hitched pretty early, even start families before 20. Dating was slim at best. Realistically, I didn't have much to offer at all and no matter what I did to improve things nothing went right. Now I'm 30, no acne, a little flabby but I dress well and own a car and a steady job. Nothing's changed but I've been hit on by married/taken women here and there, the single ones already have kids and sometimes I get hit on by those once in a while. It's almost infuriating but I'm working on fixing that.
I had mixed opinions about me in elementary through high school. Some called me fat and ugly, while others think I was cute, handsome, or sexy(there was one girl who told me over the phone she loved me at first sight). All in all, I guess my story is a prime example of beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I had some luck with the ladies and did attend my senior prom with a date. I lost nearly 20 pounds since high school and people notice it. I'm 2 1/2 years removed from high school btw.
Last edited by Chicagoland60426; 11-16-2010 at 10:44 PM..
Ugly duckling then, uglier duckling now. About the only improvements are the lessening of the acne and that I finally figured out how to manage my hair.
Some of these middle aged people who can't let it go.... geez, let it go! I know a group of people like this, they keep trying to be validated now by seeking and applauding mainstream attention for nerdy things. They are like "yay! Look computer games and thick glasses are cool! See I was right and now you must be so sorry you didn't go out with me in high school because I played d&d."
OK, what?
It's interesting. I was speaking of this very thing yesterday at work when I began to describe something that bothers me quite frequently and another person present immediately launched into a tirade about how they'd had that same thing once and it didn't bother THEM, so I was clearly just making a big deal out of nothing.
Everyone -- everyone -- has their personal set of strengths and weaknesses. There are things which bother them yet would never phase you in the least, just as there are things which you would consider sheer tragedy and they'd be able to shrug off.
Mel Brooks said it best:
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger; comedy is when you fall in an open sewer and die."
It's all a matter of perspective and the difference between a compassionate person and a dismissive one is often merely a question of whether one is capable of wrapping the mind around that concept.
"Geez, get up you big baby -- I've taken LOTS of shots to the kidneys and *I* didn't die from them!"
I haven't read the whole thread, so forgive me if someone already brought this up.
I couldn't get a date in a Womens' Penitentiary when I was younger, but I think now that my problem wasn't looks as much as a lack of confidence. Now, at age 51 I still couldn't get a date on death row but it's because I'm past my 'sell by' date.
My Mom didn't tell me about the letter until just a few years ago. If I'd known back then, I'd have been mortified. I do remember her taking me shopping for one, but she was trying to be sneaky. We settled on Wonder Woman Underoos.
I loved my Wonder Woman underoos back in the day. So much so that I bought a new set a couple of years ago. Cute. lol.
I definitely had my awkward years. Big curly, bad hairdo. Big glasses. Skinny. I like to think I turned out well.
Coolhand... I can not believe you'd be invisible to women any where.
It's interesting. I was speaking of this very thing yesterday at work when I began to describe something that bothers me quite frequently and another person present immediately launched into a tirade about how they'd had that same thing once and it didn't bother THEM, so I was clearly just making a big deal out of nothing.
Everyone -- everyone -- has their personal set of strengths and weaknesses. There are things which bother them yet would never phase you in the least, just as there are things which you would consider sheer tragedy and they'd be able to shrug off.
Mel Brooks said it best:
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger; comedy is when you fall in an open sewer and die."
It's all a matter of perspective and the difference between a compassionate person and a dismissive one is often merely a question of whether one is capable of wrapping the mind around that concept.
"Geez, get up you big baby -- I've taken LOTS of shots to the kidneys and *I* didn't die from them!"
It's not lack of empathy or understanding. It's just that it doesn't work when you try to force something. I saw on some talk show a woman who was rejected in high school by some guy. She got the whole plastic surgery makeover and dressed like a hooker to make him so sorry and cry heavy tears over what he is missing. He saw her and was still unimpressed and had a fiance who was prettier and classier looking. It just doesn't work, and anyone who is harboring these thoughts chonically really needs to be in therapy where a trained professional will push them to LET it GO.
Sorry, but it is very immature to think you can change people's feelings by forcing things on them or getting some kind of pseudo revenge. This often backfires and makes one feel worse.
As a kid, and most (all) of my adult life I was the fat ugly duckling, but because I was fat and picked on all the time, My mind sharpened to a razor, and I was able to fire back and out talk and out joke, and out insult my peers. Which made me popular so I had a lot of friends!
I also was (still am) a gadget freak and always had the latest toy and gismo.
Its strange what life throws your way, and how things end up..
Fat I had many friends, girlfriends, a high paying job and a GREAT life...
traveled all over the place, ate at great restaurants, Was out every night.
I decided to "fix myself up" I had Lapband surgery (lost 250 lbs) had many (painful) plastic
surgeries to get the excess skin removed, got invisalign braces to straighten out my teeth
The whole medical monty!
BUT... now I am worse off then when I was fat.
because of the lapband, I have trouble eating more then a few ounces of food, I don't really like going out to restaurants because of my limited eating, I am JUST starting to travel again, but food always is a issue for me. I have become really shy and introverted (I am seeing a therapist to get me out of my shell) and I am (and haven't in a few years) not seeing anyone.
I find it all fascinating! (and a bit weird!) - I am happy I did what I did, but I expected the "after" to be a whole lot better then the "before"
As a kid, and most (all) of my adult life I was the fat ugly duckling, but because I was fat and picked on all the time, My mind sharpened to a razor, and I was able to fire back and out talk and out joke, and out insult my peers. Which made me popular so I had a lot of friends!
I also was (still am) a gadget freak and always had the latest toy and gismo.
Its strange what life throws your way, and how things end up..
Fat I had many friends, girlfriends, a high paying job and a GREAT life...
traveled all over the place, ate at great restaurants, Was out every night.
I decided to "fix myself up" I had Lapband surgery (lost 250 lbs) had many (painful) plastic
surgeries to get the excess skin removed, got invisalign braces to straighten out my teeth
The whole medical monty!
BUT... now I am worse off then when I was fat.
because of the lapband, I have trouble eating more then a few ounces of food, I don't really like going out to restaurants because of my limited eating, I am JUST starting to travel again, but food always is a issue for me. I have become really shy and introverted (I am seeing a therapist to get me out of my shell) and I am (and haven't in a few years) not seeing anyone.
I find it all fascinating! (and a bit weird!) - I am happy I did what I did, but I expected the "after" to be a whole lot better then the "before"
Jonathan
Wow, that's quite the physical transformation! You must've lost your personality along the way, too. You'll find it again! Good luck!
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You must've lost your personality along the way, too.
You'll find it again!
