Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Location: Went around the corner & now I'm lost!!!!
1,544 posts, read 3,599,512 times
Reputation: 1243
Advertisements
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boneheaded
Ouch. No. But I am not answering that lightly. I think we could never trust each other after having been involved in an affair for this long. I think we would both be hung up on it always.
It would change my mind if and only if I knew I could get custody of my boys, and knew we would not choke on the poison of our past decisions.
You know I am one of your biggest supporters Boneheaded from your other thread. Just answer this... Are you going back to your wife because of your boys or because you REALLY want this marriage to work?
This girl was young. At 22 years of age, you are still trying to figure out where life is taking you. You treated her in ways her hubby probably didn't and you treated her the way you wanted to treat your wife. But you have maturity on your side. You need some time to do some introspection.
Stop participating in these threads for a while... because everybody has an opinion on this issue. Give yourself some time to go through counseling with your wife and discover what is really taking place. My blessing to you sir.
The marriage is over. I told the wife the only way we could make it work was to finally go to counseling and not bail. (she has quit going every time they told her she needed to work on anything.) So yeah she canceled the appointment early in the day.... called me an hour before the appointment and said she just canceled it and that she is not sure when she can fit it into her schedule.
I am documenting every day life so the courts can have a clear picture of who the primary care giver is. Doing this for 3 months is supposed to increase my custody chances to 80%. Mistress filled for the big D papers will get delivered to her hubs Monday. She is moving back home to her parents. I am not going to try to be with her. I think it would be a disaster too.
The mistress and I agreed 6 months from know we would accept the others calls but not before. 6 months no contact should be enough for both of us to realize it would not have worked and move on.
Location: Went around the corner & now I'm lost!!!!
1,544 posts, read 3,599,512 times
Reputation: 1243
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boneheaded
The marriage is over. I told the wife the only way we could make it work was to finally go to counseling and not bail. (she has quit going every time they told her she needed to work on anything.) So yeah she canceled the appointment early in the day.... called me an hour before the appointment and said she just canceled it and that she is not sure when she can fit it into her schedule.
I am documenting every day life so the courts can have a clear picture of who the primary care giver is. Doing this for 3 months is supposed to increase my custody chances to 80%. Mistress filled for the big D papers will get delivered to her hubs Monday. She is moving back home to her parents. I am not going to try to be with her. I think it would be a disaster too.
The mistress and I agreed 6 months from know we would accept the others calls but not before. 6 months no contact should be enough for both of us to realize it would not have worked and move on.
Thanks for caring.
Again, spend some time introspecting. Look at the things you could have done or could not have done and don't make the same mistake again. Peace
What a mess. Alright - I almost always argue that the marriage should try to stay together. However, it seems to be clear that both of you don't want that. I think the 6mth plan for the mistress is a good one. (BTW - if I were her friend, I would tell her to get divorced, go back to school, and be young for awhile).
So....I would shift into making the kids the #1 priority. You have to be very careful now. Of course, the divorce will affect them more than it will affect you. Basically, no matter what she says or does, you have to treat her with respect and remain calm for the children's sake.
The marriage is over. I told the wife the only way we could make it work was to finally go to counseling and not bail. (she has quit going every time they told her she needed to work on anything.) So yeah she canceled the appointment early in the day.... called me an hour before the appointment and said she just canceled it and that she is not sure when she can fit it into her schedule.
I am documenting every day life so the courts can have a clear picture of who the primary care giver is. Doing this for 3 months is supposed to increase my custody chances to 80%. Mistress filled for the big D papers will get delivered to her hubs Monday. She is moving back home to her parents. I am not going to try to be with her. I think it would be a disaster too.
The mistress and I agreed 6 months from know we would accept the others calls but not before. 6 months no contact should be enough for both of us to realize it would not have worked and move on.
Thanks for caring.
I hope everything works out in the best way for everyone involved.
That said, the Men's Club is having an all you can eat crawfish happy hour, wanna go?
I haven't read any responses, but I just wanted to comment on the child custody. (This might even be from the other thread, not sure )
I worked at a law firm for many years. Divorce and custody were always handled separately. Child custody is handled by Friend of the Court, or whatever they call it in your state. Commiting adultery does not come into play on custody issues. Friend of Court could care less about that.
A parent can gain full custody over the other is if one parent can prove the other parent is a drug addict, physcially abusive to the child or sexually abusive. I'm sure there may be a few to add, but I can't think of them right now.
So, if none of the above are an issue. The best any parent can fight for is joint custody.
This is what I've experienced with divorces. I've never seen one parent lose custody because of infidelity.
You are so right itlchik. I have helped her get enrolled back home. Her dad and I(they don't have the money to do it on their own) got her set up for campus housing. This is the last semester she needs to finish her degree. Her divorce papers will be delivered Monday. She says she will be ready when ever I decide to "End this ridiculous, needless, time of pain and separation." jump on the first thing smoking back to Dallas.
Quote:
Originally Posted by itlchick
What a mess. Alright - I almost always argue that the marriage should try to stay together. However, it seems to be clear that both of you don't want that. I think the 6mth plan for the mistress is a good one. (BTW - if I were her friend, I would tell her to get divorced, go back to school, and be young for awhile).
So....I would shift into making the kids the #1 priority. You have to be very careful now. Of course, the divorce will affect them more than it will affect you. Basically, no matter what she says or does, you have to treat her with respect and remain calm for the children's sake.
Now for my perspective. I think she needs to have a relationship or two(I know sounds crazy, and I don't even really want to think about all that) just to make sure she knows what she wants. At this point I don't think she will date anyone. She is (oddly enough) an incredibly loyal woman. Either way the time alone or without me will let her think and process. It will be at least 6 months before I will want to consider introducing someone to the boys so that's that.
As far as me wanting it to be over. *heavy sigh* I really don't; I really want the woman I married back. I just don't see that as possible. So the big D it is. (Funny enough we live in the Big D(DFW, TX))
To not repeating the same mistakes. Rep to you yeah. I think I am in that same group that needs alone time. For my entire dating life I think I have had maybe 4 months added up, single. I am 31. So yeah, time to be single for a bit. Not for the "dating". I need to just make the boys home stable and focus on dealing with whatever comes from their issues. (Hopefully I can make it smooth as possible by being there for them all the time.)
~Boneheaded~
Last edited by Boneheaded; 03-14-2009 at 04:45 PM..
Reason: It cut off the top half. Ok I fixed it.
You are so right itlchik. I have helped her get enrolled back home. Her dad and I(they don't have the money to do it on their own) got her set up for campus housing. This is the last semester she needs to finish her degree. Her divorce papers will be delivered Monday. She says she will be ready when ever I decide to "End this ridiculous, needless, time of pain and separation." jump on the first thing smoking back to Dallas.
Now for my perspective. I think she needs to have a relationship or two(I know sounds crazy, and I don't even really want to think about all that) just to make sure she knows what she wants. At this point I don't think she will date anyone. She is (oddly enough) an incredibly loyal woman. Either way the time alone or without me will let her think and process. It will be at least 6 months before I will want to consider introducing someone to the boys so that's that.
As far as me wanting it to be over. *heavy sigh* I really don't; I really want the woman I married back. I just don't see that as possible. So the big D it is. (Funny enough we live in the Big D(DFW, TX))
To not repeating the same mistakes. Rep to you yeah. I think I am in that same group that needs alone time. For my entire dating life I think I have had maybe 4 months added up, single. I am 31. So yeah, time to be single for a bit. Not for the "dating". I need to just make the boys home stable and focus on dealing with whatever comes from their issues. (Hopefully I can make it smooth as possible by being there for them all the time.)
~Boneheaded~
You're on the right track - just keep putting one foot in front of the other and you'll get where you want go be I'm pulling for you and your boys!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
)
I'm pulling for you and your boys!
