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So, here's the story. I have a family member (who I am very close to) offering relationship advice lately. Here is the snag: she's just getting out of an 11 year marriage (with 3 kids too). I feel like right now, she thinks every relationship is doomed. Lately, she's been on a "make sure he's the one kick". My bf and I have been talking marriage lately and she keeps telling me to wait. When she got married she was very young and pregnant. She was with her husband for a year before they got married.
BF and I have been together over 2 years, we are not that young, and we have no children. We get along well and really love each other. So, I should just ignor her, right?
Your family member may think she is giving advice but perhaps talking to you about your issues helps her sort through her life. Take her advice with a grain of salt if you feel it is skewed but I would let her talk. It sounds like the chats are therapeutic for her.
Sam take this for what it is worth (from another person now getting out of an 11 year marriage.), this is a huge decision in your life. A failed marriage with or with out kids is an extremely painful experience. I can not speak to her motives, so I wont try. My advice is to do a few self evaluation interviews. Find out what is important to you and make sure you are not compromising on anything major.
If I were in your situation, I wouldn't let her failed marriage turn me cynical about matrimony or affect my timeline towards my own marriage. Marriages fail all the time, so her experience is really not unique or rare. But I would be a good listener to her woes, and give her a shoulder to cry on. And when she cautions me about not rushing to the altar, I will agree with her and tell her that I have my eyes open and I am not blindly following my heart.
There's no need to argue with her and you don't need to wholeheartedly agree with what she tells you. Smart people use their mind as well listen to their heart when deciding on a marriage partner. It's very important to make sure that the couple has similar interests, life goals and spiritual values. And since the initial infatuation period of a relationship lasts about three to five years, it is wise to decide to become engaged sometime after the third year of the relationship imo. And since I broke up with three guys at the five year mark, for me I would never marry a man that I've dated for less than five years. lol
you should listen. dont have to accept it just listen to it. then later she wont say i told you so.
let family try to help, they love you.
what does her divorce got to do with it, 1/2 of marriages fail.
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