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I think you missed the point. This isn't the 1950s where Ricky Ricardo throws Lucy over his lap and spanks her for spending too much money or whatever.
This is why If I ever marry I will be one of those couples who keeps separate finances and divvies up the bills....
I do think women are far more open at admitting faults. We actually volunteers our weaknesses to bond with others. Men do not do this, so no, the ones in debt are probably not going to advertise it.
In some places it still is 1950.
I have two close friends who would be spent right out of their homes and have their cars repo-ed if they gave their wives control of the finances. The wives will openly admit it too.
Maybe the poster you responded to is in a similar situation and his post was a way to vent his frustrations.
Make no mistake there are still women out there who are dependent on their husbands to make the choices.
I have two close friends who would be spent right out of their homes and have their cars repo-ed if they gave their wives control of the finances. The wives will openly admit it too.
Maybe the poster you responded to is in a similar situation and his post was a way to vent his frustrations.
Make no mistake there are still women out there who are dependent on their husbands to make the choices.
And I've seen men get their families deep into debt buying and lose their homes. Maybe they should've been the one on an allowance.
Managing finances is not a gender issue, but someone who looks down on women will make it into one.
I know this is a question for men, but I think you need some insight from a woman on this one. I am a woman who is spoiled to death by my husband and I know it and love him for it. I don't have to work and no matter what I ask for he says yes...so....knowing that I can have anything I want when I want, I don't abuse it. The quickest way for a woman to not get something she really wants is to argue, pout, cry or hollar about it..doesn't work and we know it..at least some of us do.
OMG...a woman who gets it?????? Yes, and there are a lot of us out there too. Please don't think for one second that men are easy to deal with all the time either. They may have a horrible day at work, may come home and kiss the dog before they kiss you, may immediately run for the fridge looking for a cold beer before they ask YOU how your day was...it is all part of that relationship game and we deal with it for the most part.
The more important factor here is that if you feel that your woman takes more than she gives and you have to go online to discuss it, then it is time to sit your woman down and get it straight with her cuz if she sees you on here talking about this then get your blankets and pillow ready because you are heading for the dog house yet again!
I've been very fortunate. I've never been married, and I've usually attracted women that were frugal and realistic about how they spend money. Money aside, I've never been with a woman very long who would ask for something that is "pushing it". I've learned from the mistakes of my friends.
I have a buddy who has been married six years now and his wife spends money that they don't yet have on trivial stuff, she justifies these trivial things as "needs" even when money is short or not yet there. He will also make plans and let her know weeks ahead of time about the plans and then a few nights out or less all of the sudden she invents reasons that he can't do it. He's a "yes honey, you're right," kinda guy. I've learned much from him. I learned about a way that I'm not gonna live. I gotta be with someone who is with me, not against me, and his trials have caused me to see warning flags perhaps much sooner than I would have without having his experiences to learn from.
If I said no, and a woman I was with pouted, whined about it she would be taken out like the trash. I want to retire someday.
I couldn't agree with this more. I think three of the most important things to be on more or less the same page about before you get married are;
1: How you view finances. Are you a saver or spender? How does this line up with your soon to be spouse?
2: Whether you want kids (we struggle a little with this one)
3: Religion and politics. Can be different, but must be discussed before hand!!
I just can't imagine looking at my husband and pouting and wining because I want something that we can't afford - or that is not sensible to afford in the current economic climate. I would also be disgusted if he did that to me.
When we married I was looking for an equal partner, not an open bank account. I have supported him when he was out of work for a while, and he has supported me when business has been weak. When we've both been doing well we've invested together and saved (a lot) together.
Quote:
Originally Posted by eathey
Many do have to be kept on allowance, but many men do too. It is important to recognize which half is better with money management.
I will say this though - I know far more women in credit card debt than men, and I know more men than women. It could be that the women are more open about being in debt though.
Interesting, because I know far more men who can't manage their money than women. Of course I don't hang out with the kind of women who hang off their partners whining about what they want. If they want something they get it for themselves with their own money. So maybe that has something to do with it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by eathey
In some places it still is 1950.
I have two close friends who would be spent right out of their homes and have their cars repo-ed if they gave their wives control of the finances. The wives will openly admit it too.
.
WHY would your friends saddle themselves with people like this? Are the girls extremely pretty and it's a trophy thing, or what? They must be mad. It sounds like the women think it's cute which is equally as nauseating.
Thank goodness I don't know anyone like this.
I couldn't agree with this more. I think three of the most important things to be on more or less the same page about before you get married are;
1: How you view finances. Are you a saver or spender? How does this line up with your soon to be spouse?
2: Whether you want kids (we struggle a little with this one)
3: Religion and politics. Can be different, but must be discussed before hand!!
Amen.. gotta know what you're getting into or you're just setting yourself up for problems.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen
I just can't imagine looking at my husband and pouting and wining because I want something that we can't afford - or that is not sensible to afford in the current economic climate. I would also be disgusted if he did that to me.
Yeah.. I feel like some people out there never truly grow up. One of my good buddies is a cop and is married to a girl who had everything growing up. Her father raises beef and owns a heavy farm equipment dealership. Now that she's married to a cop who doesn't make enough money to keep her happy credit became a short term solution to the problem. Its on him though, he was well aware she was high maintenance for the five years they spent together before getting married.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen
When we married I was looking for an equal partner, not an open bank account. I have supported him when he was out of work for a while, and he has supported me when business has been weak. When we've both been doing well we've invested together and saved (a lot) together.
Your husband is very lucky. In my relationship before the last one, I swear my bags were on the porch before I could tell her I lost my job.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen
Interesting, because I know far more men who can't manage their money than women. Of course I don't hang out with the kind of women who hang off their partners whining about what they want. If they want something they get it for themselves with their own money. So maybe that has something to do with it.
There are different kinds of women out there like there are different kinds of men.
I've lived in the rural mid-west most of my life, different set of norms there opposed to the northeast & west coast suburbias and urban areas I've been to.
Now that I spend most of my time in Oakland County Michigan, 3 out of 5 women I meet think they are Paris Hilton while working as a cell phone sales rep inside the mall or at a coffee shop.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen
WHY would your friends saddle themselves with people like this? Are the girls extremely pretty and it's a trophy thing, or what? They must be mad. It sounds like the women think it's cute which is equally as nauseating.
Thank goodness I don't know anyone like this.
Most of my friends are idiots who started screwing their SO's before they got to know them. An accidental kid or two later, and they don't want to leave because they don't want to lose the kids or pay child support - and in one guy's case that I mentioned earlier - he knew she was high maintenance, but wanted a trophy wife.
Yeah.. I feel like some people out there never truly grow up. One of my good buddies is a cop and is married to a girl who had everything growing up. Her father raises beef and owns a heavy farm equipment dealership. Now that she's married to a cop who doesn't make enough money to keep her happy credit became a short term solution to the problem. Its on him though, he was well aware she was high maintenance for the five years they spent together before getting married.
Hmm, you know I've rethought and I DO know someone kind of like this who just got engaged. I like her mostly, but can't stand this attitude. She's in her 30s and Daddy still pays for car maintanence, part of her house payment, etc. I guess this will soon fall on her finace. Which is interesting as he has been paying down credit card debt. It will be interesting to see how this pans out. Daddy will never let her starve. As you say though, your friend knew what she was like when he married her, so it's as much (or more) his fault as hers.
Your husband is very lucky. In my relationship before the last one, I swear my bags were on the porch before I could tell her I lost my job.
Of course, no question. When he called to tell me I just told him to come on home so I could look after him. It would be different if he was the kind of chap who couldn't hold down a job, but he's educated, hard working and has a great work ethic. I'm not going to beat him when he's down, I'm going to help him get up! He does the exact same for me.
There are different kinds of women out there like there are different kinds of men.
I've lived in the rural mid-west most of my life, different set of norms there opposed to the northeast & west coast suburbias and urban areas I've been to.
Now that I spend most of my time in Oakland County Michigan, 3 out of 5 women I meet think they are Paris Hilton while working as a cell phone sales rep inside the mall or at a coffee shop.
That's funny - sounds like you could use a move!!
Most of my friends are idiots who started screwing their SO's before they got to know them. An accidental kid or two later, and they don't want to leave because they don't want to lose the kids or pay child support. In one guy's case he knew she was high maintenance, but wanted a trophy wife.
I don't want to be mean, but your friends kind of sound like jerks. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, so I doubt you'll fall into the same traps! Always look for an equal partner in life and you'll do fine. Oh and watch how she treats wait staff and other service people - tells you key things you need to know about her personality!!
This made me think of something my son said once...I THINK it was in jest .
He said that I get everything I ask for from my husband....so I turn to hubby and said, "Is that true?" Smart hubby said, "Yes Dear" but then he turned to my son and said..."but she's a grownup, she doesn't need to ask, we discuss it and go from there."
Lesson? No adult needs "permission" from their spouse.
I don't want to be mean, but your friends kind of sound like jerks. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, so I doubt you'll fall into the same traps! Always look for an equal partner in life and you'll do fine. Oh and watch how she treats wait staff and other service people - tells you key things you need to know about her personality!!
They are jerks. I know. I don't fit the same mold as any one of them, but its difficult to move on. I've known these guys many years, since high school, and I tend to focus on what they were more than what they are.
Truth is, I know not one person that doesn't have a serious fault. I know people who are dicks to/cheat on their SO's. I know people who lie about little things for no reason. I know people who tell big lies on which their relationship is built. I know people who don't take care of their business until they can no longer ignore it. I know people who will be the first to call your kid a brat while theirs run rampant. I know people who look down their noses at others because they don't share the same political/religious point of view. I know people who buy a 60" LCD and then complain about money problems. I know people who bite the hand that feeds them. Its irritating, but I haven't come across anyone who doesn't have something about them that drives me nuts, so I've just learned to accept the faults, and in a way I'm thankful for the aforementioned people - they have shown me exactly what NOT to do.
Note: not saying I'm a candidate for sainthood, I've got a serious fault too, but I don't think I hold a candle to most of the people I know..
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Men-Can you say No?
They must be mad. It sounds like the women think it's cute which is equally as nauseating.
It would be different if he was the kind of chap who couldn't hold down a job, but he's educated, hard working and has a great work ethic. I'm not going to beat him when he's down, I'm going to help him get up! He does the exact same for me. 
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