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I'm far from having all the answers, but I usually get over the bumps of being shy and tightly-wound by doing things that make me feel good about myself. That's oversimplified, but as several other people brought out , good ways to boost positive feelings about yourself are:
-Physical activities. I am sooo not athletic, but working out, doing yoga, riding a bike, etc all lift my mood & relax me considerably. You have to find something that you enjoy. I hate competition, so for me it is stuff that always my mind to wander a bit. It will also build more body confidence and people will pick up on that and be drawn to you.
-Doing things you enjoy, where you can meet like-minded people. Sometimes introverted, educated people find small talk really difficult. We have a lot to say, but we prefer more indepth topics than casual chit-chat. I love music, so going to shows, record stores, etc sometimes throws me in the way of people who are willing to talk about things I actually have something to say about. That will help build your social skills & confidence.
You'll also find there are a lot of people who enjoy things in life beyond partying. It doesn't make you weird or dull to not be a partier, and there are other ways to socialize.
Other ways to talk more easily to people:
The worst advice I've ever been given for shyness is just to talk to people & be more social . Um yeah, that's the problem, right?
-Try baby steps. Make conversation standing in lines, with cashiers, with the barista at the coffee shop. Just stupid remarks about the weather or whatever is fine. You will find it getting easier over time and that will translate to other areas of life.
-Smile at people, to offset the stern look. Body language goes a long way too. If you look friendly & open, people are more likely to approach you & that takes a lot of pressure off of you to initiate.
-Focus on other people in conversation. Shyness is a lot about nerves and being too self-conscious. If you are so engrossed in what the other person is saying or doing, then you will lose yourself a bit and fall into a more natural way of being (instead of being inhibited).
-Don't be so hard on yourself. If you observe others in conversation, they are not usually saying anything particularly brilliant or witty. You don't need to wow people with every line that comes out of your mouth. Quiet people can be appreciated as good listeners too.
- In talking to the opposite sex....assuming you or your "friend" are male, then remember that women are just people. Ultimately, we are not that different from men. Same is true for women; when I talk to a guy I like just as I talk to anyone else, I make the best impression.
And finally, realize that it's okay to be much of what you described.
If this isn't you, then realize your "friend" very possibly cherishes a lot of alone time and that being quiet & reserved isn't always a sign of being withdrawn or having low self-esteem.
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
8,309 posts, read 38,782,175 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by npumcrisz
The individual is
Attractive
Educated
Middle class citizen
Shy
Low self-esteem
Difficulty talking to the opposite sex.
Rarely socializes not a party type.
Average to clean freak.
Stern looking - tends to take life seriously.
What advice would u recommend? Just trying to get ideas to add to mine.
I would say:
npumcrisz, you know what you are? You're like a big bear with claws and with fangs... big friggin' teeth, man. And she's just like this little bunny, who's just kinda cowering in the corner. Shivering. You got these claws and you're staring a these claws and you're thinking to yourself, and with the claws you're thinking "How am I supposed to kill this bunny, how am I supposed to kill this bunny?" And you're poking at it, you're just poking at it. You're not hurting it. You're just kinda gently batting the bunny around, you know what I mean? And the bunny's scared, npumcrisz, the bunny's scared of you, shivering. And you got the friggin' claws and these fangs, man! And you're looking at your claws and you're looking at your fangs and you're thinking to yourself, you don't know what to do, man. "I don't know how to kill the bunny!" With *THESE CLAWS AND THESE FANGS* you don't know how to kill the bunny, do you know what I mean? You're like a big bear, man. KILL THAT BUNNY.
How do u find a date or future SO at a library. Enlighten me
.... "Fool! Don't you see now that I could have poisoned you a hundred times had I been able to live without you. "....; that must be fun? /// Quote by Cleopatra ///
Sorry for mocking anyone who successfully found a date at a library but am lost.
Also wanted to say: Some perfect pickup lines you could use on a woman in a library that would totally work on me.
1. So what are you reading baby?
2. What's your favorite book ever baby?
3. Got some good chick lit, har har har? maybe not this one
4. Hey sweetheart, what's your genre?
5. Why don't you come check out the relationship section with me?
npumcrisz, you know what you are? You're like a big bear with claws and with fangs... big friggin' teeth, man. And she's just like this little bunny, who's just kinda cowering in the corner. Shivering. You got these claws and you're staring a these claws and you're thinking to yourself, and with the claws you're thinking "How am I supposed to kill this bunny, how am I supposed to kill this bunny?" And you're poking at it, you're just poking at it. You're not hurting it. You're just kinda gently batting the bunny around, you know what I mean? And the bunny's scared, npumcrisz, the bunny's scared of you, shivering. And you got the friggin' claws and these fangs, man! And you're looking at your claws and you're looking at your fangs and you're thinking to yourself, you don't know what to do, man. "I don't know how to kill the bunny!" With *THESE CLAWS AND THESE FANGS* you don't know how to kill the bunny, do you know what I mean? You're like a big bear, man. KILL THAT BUNNY.
What advice would u recommend? Just trying to get ideas to add to mine.
For me? You'd really have to work on the shyness and the low self-esteem.
Nothing is more frustrating to a mate that having to contantly lead the conversations or feel we have to force information out of you.
As long as you don't use the poor self-esteem to be a "poor poor me" person, then it can be dealt with. I'd get real bored real fast spending all my time patting you on the back saying "there""there.
What advice would u recommend? Just trying to get ideas to add to mine.
Lets face it....you are making this post because you are concerned you are not meeting enough women. My advice get out into social situations more, don't pass up invitations. You see someone you like get talking and then exchange numbers with her. Its really not that difficult, once u get in the habit it becomes routine. If she rejects you so be it don't take it personally, plenty more fish in the sea, keep on keeping on.
I wouldn't change a thing if I were happy. Now if you are truly lonely thats another problem. you got to stay out there looking for that right person.
"If at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking till you do seed" (Curly Joe)
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, good ways to boost positive feelings about yourself are:
. Um yeah, that's the problem, right? 
maybe not this one
orangeapple
