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You have probably seen that I have been complaining about my horrible marriage for some time now. I do believe I am ready to end it. She will not go to counseling, and we simply cannot stand to be in each other's presence. I have been reluctant to consider a separation or divorce because we have two young boys (9 and 12). I still am wary about it because I know men are screwed in court, but I can no longer tolerate being with her. I don't want to ask what should I do........but what should I do, realistically? I feel trapped and stuck.
You have probably seen that I have been complaining about my horrible marriage for some time now. I do believe I am ready to end it. She will not go to counseling, and we simply cannot stand to be in each other's presence. I have been reluctant to consider a separation or divorce because we have two young boys (9 and 12). I still am wary about it because I know men are screwed in court, but I can no longer tolerate being with her. I don't want to ask what should I do........but what should I do, realistically? I feel trapped and stuck.
Go on and do it I guess it might be better, in the long run, for everybody. Sad situation indeed.
Well, you already know the answer. You have 3 options:
1. Separation.
2. Divorce.
3. Stay married and try to make it better.
If number 3 is not an option, that leaves separation or divorce. However, unless you contemplate coming back into this marriage, a separation does not make sense; it still comes with a custody dispute, child support and property distribution.
Whatever you decide to do, I suggest you see an attorney. No need to take the plunge -- just take a consultation to review what your options are. Bring all the financial information and make an outline of what you want as far as custody/visitation arrangements. Once you've had the consultation, you can decide what you want to do.
You have probably seen that I have been complaining about my horrible marriage for some time now. I do believe I am ready to end it. She will not go to counseling, and we simply cannot stand to be in each other's presence. I have been reluctant to consider a separation or divorce because we have two young boys (9 and 12). I still am wary about it because I know men are screwed in court, but I can no longer tolerate being with her. I don't want to ask what should I do........but what should I do, realistically? I feel trapped and stuck.
Unfortunately, there's no cut-and-dry answer, Lucario.
What I will say, based on my own personal experience, is that kids can and do pick up on things. I know that some people firmly believe that they should stay in marriages because of their children, but sometimes that does the kids more harm than good. It's definitely good to consider how a divorce would impact them but be sure to consider how staying married would, as well.
I know that's probably not what you were looking for, but hopefully it'll give you at least a little food for thought.
well if it's that bad and you hate being around each other it is better for the kids in the long run if you do seperate and get a chance to both be happy it will be hard at first but worth it in the end.
Well, you already know the answer. You have 3 options:
1. Separation.
2. Divorce.
3. Stay married and try to make it better.
If number 3 is not an option, that leaves separation or divorce. However, unless you contemplate coming back into this marriage, a separation does not make sense; it still comes with a custody dispute, child support and property distribution.
Whatever you decide to do, I suggest you see an attorney. No need to take the plunge -- just take a consultation to review what your options are. Bring all the financial information and make an outline of what you want as far as custody/visitation arrangements. Once you've had the consultation, you can decide what you want to do.
At this point I believe 3 is not an option. Only problem with attorneys is that they're expensive.
At this point I believe 3 is not an option. Only problem with attorneys is that they're expensive.
Well, whether it's separation or divorce, you are definitely going to need one. To represent oneself in a divorce is madness; even lawyers don't represent themselves in such matters. There is a range of rates out there, and you should be able to find someone you can afford. Consultations are usually between $250 and $500 in New Jersey, and they are applied to the retainer, anyway.
At this point I believe 3 is not an option. Only problem with attorneys is that they're expensive.
Hey lucario I hope you have really really really deep pockets and make a very impressive income. You said it yourself but said it way too polite that men get screwed in court. They get raped.
I know you are frustrated but no one here can tell you what you need to do. Only you can. Maybe if your home can accommodate it, you both should do separate bedrooms, at least you'd both be with the kids. Delay the inevitable as long as possible. I feel so blessed to not have any kids. If I did I would be in the poor house with all the ex's living high on the hog and enjoying life. No hate mail please! I have way too many friends with sad stories. I feel for ya.
Hey lucario I hope you have really really really deep pockets and make a very impressive income. You said it yourself but said it way too polite that men get screwed in court. They get raped.
I know you are frustrated but no one here can tell you what you need to do. Only you can. Maybe if your home can accommodate it, you both should do separate bedrooms, at least you'd both be with the kids. Delay the inevitable as long as possible. I feel so blessed to not have any kids. If I did I would be in the poor house with all the ex's living high on the hog and enjoying life. No hate mail please! I have way too many friends with sad stories. I feel for ya.
Way to ramp up the anxiety of someone who is contemplating a major change in his life. Making predictions about someone you don't know is irresponsible and unethical. As much as you may derive pleasure from doing so, this is a real person you are talking about, and making him paranoid isn't likely to help him. Generally speaking, ex's "living high on the hog" are former trophy wives. Women with jobs and incomes of their own don't get rich in a divorce.
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