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Don't turn this into another toilet worthy thread, Ivory. You've created quite a collection already. Seriously.
Sorry, I find it odd that good counseling would lead to cheating on your spouse. I really think he needs a new counselor. The results he's getting wtih this one are less than stellar.
It can't hurt. He's been in counseling for 7 years and that's a very long time to not have gotten to the bottom of things.
You need a new counselor before you get into a relationship with anyone. Discovering you are not worthless isn't reason to lie and cheat on your spouse nor is doing so evidence of even, percieved, self worth.
Seriously, 7 years in counseling is a long time and it doesn't look like you had very good results. Time for a new counselor. If you keep doing the same thing, you'll get the same results.
BACK OFF - you don't know a thing about what kind of results he got from counseling
As usual, you take a grain of truth and skewer it and twist it into something fitting your agenda - that's getting really old.
WOW so that is what you got out of that? Ok let me say it like this then. The counseling got rid of the baggage the wife placed on me. I was then able to see she was not worth having. Blame it on the counselor.... if it makes you feel better. I don't. I blame me for making a bad choice.
Then the counseling should have helped you leave and move on not cheat. This is not good counseling. And I'm not blaming the counselor for your cheating. You chose that. I'm saying the counseling wasn't good.
Ask yourself how many people go into counseling for 7 years and how many make the decision to cheat because the counseling helps them see their self worth. Do you really expect us to believe you cheated because you see yourself as valuable? People who value themselves don't practice self destructive behaviors.
Can't hurt to try another counselor. I'd recommend a relationship counselor. Someone to help you figure out your relationship issues.
Sorry, I find it odd that good counseling would lead to cheating on your spouse. I really think he needs a new counselor. The results he's getting wtih this one are less than stellar.
It can't hurt. He's been in counseling for 7 years and that's a very long time to not have gotten to the bottom of things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
Sorry, I find it odd that good counseling would lead to cheating on your spouse. I really think he needs a new counselor. The results he's getting wtih this one are less than stellar.
It can't hurt. He's been in counseling for 7 years and that's a very long time to not have gotten to the bottom of things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
Sorry, I find it odd that good counseling would lead to cheating on your spouse. I really think he needs a new counselor. The results he's getting wtih this one are less than stellar.
It can't hurt. He's been in counseling for 7 years and that's a very long time to not have gotten to the bottom of things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
Sorry, I find it odd that good counseling would lead to cheating on your spouse. I really think he needs a new counselor. The results he's getting wtih this one are less than stellar.
It can't hurt. He's been in counseling for 7 years and that's a very long time to not have gotten to the bottom of things.
I figured I'd save you the time of repeating yourself for another 100 posts.
As I recall he didn't ask for your rocking chair psychology on the situation. And if you haven't noticed, he is NOT your husband. Give that poor horse a proper burial already.
BACK OFF - you don't know a thing about what kind of results he got from counseling
As usual, you take a grain of truth and skewer it and twist it into something fitting your agenda - that's getting really old.
I'm going by what he said. He said he's been in counseling for 7 years. That's a very long time. He also said the decision to start an affair was made while in counseling. Those are both red flags to me
From a completely subjective poing of view I think that any relationship from any background can work if the people are willing to put the necessary work into it. I think it may be harder for a couple who started out cheating on others to be together, but just for the trust issue. I wouldn't be able to trust a person who cheated on the person they were with to be with me. I'm not saying I would never be with someone who had cheated at some point in their past because people grow up and I do not buy the once a cheater always a cheater statement. However, I think it would be very hard to trust someone you know was just cheating a matter of moments ago.
Trust is something you build though and if you are willing it will happen.
I like your sensible approach And yes, two people WILLING to work on trusting one another can build a very strong relationship!
I'm going by what he said. He said he's been in counseling for 7 years. That's a very long time. He also said the decision to start an affair was made while in counseling. Those are both red flags to me
Are you that dense? He said "counseling", NOT "marriage counseling" - BIG difference.
He was man enough to face up to the fact he had issues he needed to deal with within himself - my hat is off to him.
Just my humble opinion, take it or leave it, but the OP did state that this shouldn't become a "Cheating is wrong" post. I definitely think that cheating is wrong, but I think that good things can come from "oops" moments. A beautiful rose grows the best from a pile of garbage (compost). Since we were not in the marriage ourselves, we cannot make value judgements on how people handled themselves. What the OP is asking is if we think it is possible to have a good relationship with someone when the relationship started out as an affair. Just answer the question and move on!
I figured I'd save you the time of repeating yourself for another 100 posts.
As I recall he didn't ask for your rocking chair psychology on the situation. And if you haven't noticed, he is NOT your husband. Give that poor horse a proper burial already.
Never said he was my husband. I simply asked if he started his affair before or after going into counseling. It reflects on the quality of the counseling. I would hope a good counselor could prevent an affair from happening if you hadn't started one before walking in.
Just doesn't seem the logical response to getting your head straightened out.
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And yes, two people WILLING to work on trusting one another can build a very strong relationship!