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The point is that you spend more time looking down your nose at people than you do helping them or offering something of nutritional value for them to reflect on. It means you are a raging hypocrite for preaching "be good unto others" when you have no problem kicking them when they are down.
How can you possibly conclude that you don't respect his opinon when you ignore every bit of what he says and prostitute it to accomodate your own angst. It takes a certain level of intelligence to be able to see what is in front of them and form an opinion based on the FACTS. How can you make a lucid, rational determination based on things you DON'T grasp that, oddly enough, everyone here, including those who are not degreed, can understand?
Haven't you said that 50 times already? What it says to you is not what is. How can you do this with such conviction? With so much pride? When you began a thread where people tried to help you, where you didn't like the answers, you grabbed your binky and went crying to the mods that you were being attacked. What do you think this is? How do you rationalize repeating the same thing over and over that does nothing but cause grief? How do you live with YOU doing this to people on a regular basis? Not everyone is as strong as those you have condemned. Someone can come to this board, on the ledge, and you will be the one to push them off that bridge.
Had?
Do you live anywhere outside of yourself, at all?
No, actually I spend time discussing issues people make public and their ramifications on a relationship board
I can conclude by someone's actions that they are not someone whose opinion I would respect. To have your opinons respected, you kind of need to behave in respectable ways. That kind of rules out cheating and lying to your spouse .
As to my advice WRT the topic of continuing a relationship with someone you cheated with. It stands. Until he clears up his issues, finds out why his relationships fail, why he chose to cheat and finishes however many years of counseling he needs, he needs to put any relationship on hold. If you don't identify your issues, you just repeat your mistakes.
My advice to try another counselor stands too. You judge the quality of counseling based on results. Conclude what you will about deciding to have an affair after starting counseling but it sounds like a bad result to me. Counseling isn't working if this is the kind of decision you're making as you're "getting better". Either you're not getting better or the counseling isn't working.
And yes HAVE a clean bill of health. I just happen to process things different than the norm. Those who should know tell me it's a good thing. As they say, that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
[mod cut]
I was a "home maker" for 16 years before I went to work part-time 10 years ago. I work only part-time so that I can continue to take care of my home - and I don't mean the house. I take care of my man, my kids, my marriage, my friends, my neighbors and my community. Being a homemaker may be something YOU see no personal value in, but BELIEVE ME, I have reaped a huge harvest from what I have sown and would never go back to change a thing.[/quote]
That was uncalled for. I didn't cause his affair by working for a living. Not even close. Besides, I can name several homemakers who were cheated on. Being a homemaker does not guarantee you will not be.
Got any data that says homemakers are cheated on less what working wives?
And, obviously, you missed the part about his ex being a homemaker and him never wanting to there again.
Last edited by mrstewart; 04-07-2009 at 07:27 PM..
Reason: response to orphanes post
Wow, I just finished reading this whole thread....gg
What I think is...
Bone, I think we said this to you before....get this divorce done and live your life...focus on your boys and building a life...don't add the complication of the youngster or anyone else for that matter....for at LEAST a year... take the lessons you're learning about yourself and put them into action. Do it even if you don't want to...as far as your feelings....your feelings are NOT fact....the FACT is you have feelings. We do not have to act on them once we recognize them.
My money is on you...I have a really good feel, since I read between the lines...where you come from...and I KNOW you can have a great life...
Life doesn't make sense LOGICALLY...because emotions aren't logical...Mr Spock
I can tell you're over cause you said to let her have it all...regardless of if you can make more...you just want to be done...
My money is on you that you will do the right thing
I figured I'd save you the time of repeating yourself for another 100 posts.
As I recall he didn't ask for your rocking chair psychology on the situation. And if you haven't noticed, he is NOT your husband. Give that poor horse a proper burial already.
I've been a counselor, and I've had counselors, and I agree with Ivory.
What's with the Ivory-bashing? Yeesh! All she did was offer input about a coping resource, not about the OP personally.
The counselor may have been the right one for him at first, but it seems his life situation is an even bigger mess than when he started. A fresh start with a new counselor would be a good way to move past a plateau.
I moved on from one counselor to another after a year, because I had gotten all I could from his particular method. That's just good sense.
Of course it can work if you love each other. Nothing else matters. Not even what other people think.. It is up to the two people in the affair. been there. Done that. It worked !!!!
1). Get a new counselor (the old one reeks of garlic)
2.) Take some time to figure out what you really want.
3). Feel veeeeeerry sorry you cheated. (and do keep apologizing to others).
4). Post another thread very soon so we can all start another fight.
Yes, that is me. And I've said that what one does has nothing to do with their value as a person. It has to do with the value of what they do.
Your point?
And no, you are not someone whose opinion I'd respect. Nor do I expect am I for you.
What we are discussing here are actions and what they mean. I find the fact you were already in counseling when you chose to start your affair telling. It says to me you were not looking for solutions. The decision to have an affair is self destructive. It also says to me the counseling was not working, as does the 7 years it took (are you done yet?).
BTW, I've spent my time on the couch. My parents were divorced and like most children of divorce, I had my cobwebs to clean out.
You know Ivory some of us are real people that make real mistakes or bad decisions. As far as me respecting your opinion..you are just as human as me and deserve just as much respect. I do feel like you hide from your own truth and tend to bask in making others sad.
I am curious as to how a teacher can be so close minded to how life really works. It is also strange to me how as a teacher you out earn your hubby. But maybe I am reading too much into it.
To say that a bad decision makes someone's opinion unworthy is silly. I make a ton of money based solely on my opinions. I must not be too far off. My choice in women is terrible..... except for you PTC.....hehehe.
But yeah back to picking apart the lies from Ivory. So... you are a part time teacher who out earns her husband that left her for no reason what so ever causing you to file for divorce so that you could afford the house in a situation where you out earn your hubby. Do I have that right or should I copy your post to prove that too.
I would be willing to bet you are just as mean and nasty as my soon to be ex. I wish your STBX good luck in his new found freedom.
Sorry mods no harm intended to anyone other than Ivory. I am just sick of being attacked by someone so perfect!
I've been a counselor, and I've had counselors, and I agree with Ivory.
What's with the Ivory-bashing? Yeesh! All she did was offer input about a coping resource, not about the OP personally.
The counselor may have been the right one for him at first, but it seems his life situation is an even bigger mess than when he started. A fresh start with a new counselor would be a good way to move past a plateau.
I moved on from one counselor to another after a year, because I had gotten all I could from his particular method. That's just good sense.
What? Were you reading what I said? The counselor said don't even be friends with any other women.... She said don't go near another woman.... I chose not to listen. How is that a sign of a bad counselor. The Ivory bashing comes from her taking two of my words and twisting it into whatever suits her needs at the time.
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