Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Thanks so much for your comments... I really appreciate it I married the absent-minded professor... brilliant behind a computer, clueless with relationships and emotions. But I knew that going in.
He's my best friend most of the time, but... since moving to another state a year ago at his urging, we're both stressed with all of the adjustments and he's been this testosterone-filled wildebeest. (Losing his hair, "randy" all the time and has been sort of just "angry"... it's not like him)
I'm not sure what to do. I can't stop feeling angry because so much has changed and I feel like I don't connect with him anymore. It's not just the undressing the red-head with his eyes... he's been oblivious to my needs for months now. It's a real ego de-flater. I've stepped up to the wifey role... he doesn't know how to use one single appliance in this home. He hasn't had to lift a finger other than his job and the occasional taking out of the trash. I just don't get it
And on the three hour drive home we had the discussion of him staring at this girl. He denied it. But he apologized, too, which is a contradiction to the denial. He's been sweeter than usual but I'm still so hurt, confused and angry. On top of it, my family and friends are thousands of miles away so... getting away for a few hours or days isn't as easy as it would be back home. I'm feeling a bit trapped, maybe he is, too.
I'm just worried that this is the new "him" or the new "married couple" lifestyle that I signed up for. I'd rather go back to being the girlfriend/boyfriend shacking up... seemed easier.
Chris Rock is right "You either are married and bored or single and lonely".
Right now, lonely sounds great... I can do melancholy, I'm done with angry.
Last edited by stacey412; 04-28-2009 at 01:24 PM..
Reason: spelling error & added something
Not at all! I have never been out with a guy who has done this. My H almost appears a-sexual around other women. I know he's not blind, but he honestly acts like he is totally oblivious. I'll even point chicks out for their outfits or whatever, and he acts so uninterested, though I know he's probably scoping them out in his own brain haha.
IMO, the other issues, such as not helping around the house, are just as bad for a marriage. Total jerk. I hope things look up for you mami .
My H used to be like this... I was so proud and happy. He used to give me those bedroom drooling eyes all the time. He would tell me I'm beautiful and would have his hands all over me constantly. This is the first time the glances in the other direction have turned into stares... and it didn't "ramp" up, it just became this disrespectful one day.
But I can't help but be jealous of you hehe.
The not helping around the house... I figure (this is me, not him) that he's the one with the full time job, so I should do the full time chores. ...although, when I was working full time, it wasn't much different. The one time he was allowed to do his own laundry he shrunk $200 worth of wool sweaters in ONE load. I'm thinking now that he did that on purpose. He has never ever cared if the house was clean, so when I do clean and scrub, he doesn't really notice or care because... well... he's a slob. So, he considers me being clean "my" thing. If that makes sense.
I thought I was trading in the helpful husband who mows the lawn, watches sports and drinks beer for the one who adores me and notices if I walk in the room wearing a new teddy. He pursued me for over a year before I said yes. His dedication was so charming at the time. Now that he has me... ugh. I sort of feel like an idiot for thinking he'd pursue me for the next 50 years.
Again, many thanks to all of you for listening to my vent-fest.
Well on the other hand, my H rarely compliments me either so grass not greener this way lol.
As to the cleaning, my H also tried getting away with doing nothing. Over the years, we now have him doing his fair share. It took a lot of effort though. But if he's working and you're not, I could see his point of view. He should do something though, like trash or the yard work.
It might be ok to look but being rude is not. Next time he pulls a stunt like that - ask him if he'd like to be introduced to the woman? If you don't think the shock factor will work - be more polite. With the understatement of a true lady - excuse yourself .... & get up and leave. Yes, leave - go home.
The advice I received--from a woman--was "Go ahead and look, but don't linger." (Yeah, "Look but don't touch" was pretty much obvious at this point.) Most women realize that you are going to look, but you can stop short of head turning, mouth gaping attention to someone else! Especially if she's standing right next to you!
Thanks so much for your comments... I really appreciate it I married the absent-minded professor... brilliant behind a computer, clueless with relationships and emotions. But I knew that going in.
He's my best friend most of the time, but... since moving to another state a year ago at his urging, we're both stressed with all of the adjustments and he's been this testosterone-filled wildebeest. (Losing his hair, "randy" all the time and has been sort of just "angry"... it's not like him)
I'm not sure what to do. I can't stop feeling angry because so much has changed and I feel like I don't connect with him anymore. It's not just the undressing the red-head with his eyes... he's been oblivious to my needs for months now. It's a real ego de-flater. I've stepped up to the wifey role... he doesn't know how to use one single appliance in this home. He hasn't had to lift a finger other than his job and the occasional taking out of the trash. I just don't get it
And on the three hour drive home we had the discussion of him staring at this girl. He denied it. But he apologized, too, which is a contradiction to the denial. He's been sweeter than usual but I'm still so hurt, confused and angry. On top of it, my family and friends are thousands of miles away so... getting away for a few hours or days isn't as easy as it would be back home. I'm feeling a bit trapped, maybe he is, too.
I'm just worried that this is the new "him" or the new "married couple" lifestyle that I signed up for. I'd rather go back to being the girlfriend/boyfriend shacking up... seemed easier.
Chris Rock is right "You either are married and bored or single and lonely".
Right now, lonely sounds great... I can do melancholy, I'm done with angry.
To me your whole scenario is dejavu. My ex used to have an eye for other women. It's very disrespectful. In normal circumstances if a man & a woman are together, it should be the woman checking out, envying, comparing herself to or despising other women. The man absolutely has no business observing other females.
The best way to gauge the extent of his intentions is to look at the kind of women he gloats over. Are they the same race as you? Same hair color? Same height? If so, sorry to say but he will replace you very soon or worse, cheat!
And I know pple here will disagree but IMO if a man behaves very badly, sex should be withdrawn. Why are you going out of your way to sex a man who obviously doesn't appreciate you?
You said the waitress even looked at you like "whoa" ...then trust it's not in your head its really that bad!
Good luck. Sorry I was a bit harsh but the longer you stick to this guy the sooner you'll start to feel like your boobs are not big enough etc.
Thanks so much for your comments... I really appreciate it I married the absent-minded professor... brilliant behind a computer, clueless with relationships and emotions. But I knew that going in.
He's my best friend most of the time, but... since moving to another state a year ago at his urging, we're both stressed with all of the adjustments and he's been this testosterone-filled wildebeest. (Losing his hair, "randy" all the time and has been sort of just "angry"... it's not like him)
I'm not sure what to do. I can't stop feeling angry because so much has changed and I feel like I don't connect with him anymore. It's not just the undressing the red-head with his eyes... he's been oblivious to my needs for months now. It's a real ego de-flater. I've stepped up to the wifey role... he doesn't know how to use one single appliance in this home. He hasn't had to lift a finger other than his job and the occasional taking out of the trash. I just don't get it
And on the three hour drive home we had the discussion of him staring at this girl. He denied it. But he apologized, too, which is a contradiction to the denial. He's been sweeter than usual but I'm still so hurt, confused and angry. On top of it, my family and friends are thousands of miles away so... getting away for a few hours or days isn't as easy as it would be back home. I'm feeling a bit trapped, maybe he is, too.
I'm just worried that this is the new "him" or the new "married couple" lifestyle that I signed up for. I'd rather go back to being the girlfriend/boyfriend shacking up... seemed easier.
Chris Rock is right "You either are married and bored or single and lonely".
Right now, lonely sounds great... I can do melancholy, I'm done with angry.
Stacey, he didn't just change all of a sudden and become this way - he was this way all along, but probably hid it from you in order to "win the game".
I was married to an ex-husband who I thought was Mr. Perfect. I was very young (early 20's) and he was 15 years older than me. The evening of our wedding (we married at a justice of the peace) he made it a point to lay the law down to me. First - he smokes, and he does it in the house, and yes - even in the bedroom. Had I known he was a smoker, I would never have dated him in the first place!
Secondly, he let me know we were going to have an open marriage. I had NO idea what that was. I thought he meant we were going to be open and honest with each other about everything. I wasn't raised in a swinger/wife swapping environment, so what the hell did I know???!!! There were a boatload of other things - like his temper, etc. All of these things he kept under wraps until we were married.
When we were going through our divorce 8 years later, he told me he never loved me, that he only wanted to get back at his ex-wife to show her that he could get a younger woman and get her to marry him.
Your husband may be this way too. I'd really watch for those red flags, if I were you - and don't wait several years!
Best of luck to you.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I married the absent-minded professor... brilliant behind a computer, clueless with relationships and emotions. But I knew that going in.
hehe.
