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I am a 35 year old female. After being in a long term relationship for a few years I was celibate for about 2 and a half years; I wasn't threw with dating I just didn't want to jump into a sexual relationship. I take good care of myself, I am attractive and I like to think I have a great personality.
So here is my story, I will try to keep it PG-13: I met a 38 year old divorced father of (I'll leave that number blank) children (I have no kids). I enjoyed the conversation and his company he said the same. He wanted sex the first week we met...that was too soon for me. So after about 3 months of dating I finally felt comfortable enough to sleep with him (and no I wasn't trying to follow any 90 day no sex rule, that's just how long it took)...this was following a conversation where he said he really liked me & wanted to take things slow as to not ruin the friendship part (although he seemed to be in a rush the first week)...but after a night out he invited me back to his place and it happened.
The problem is after sleeping with me he has not called and did not respond to my one phone call....of course I am pissed and disappointed because I believed what he said......I'm feeling insecure because I hadn't had sex in over two years and I thought maybe it was me....maybe I wasn't good, like my vajayjay malfunctioned or something.......but we had sex twice that night...he was the one who intiated round two and wanted a third round but I had to leave...it was late and I had to get up early.
So for the men out there was it me???? I mean is a man going to want to have sex with a woman three times in a night if the sex isn't actually good to them. Yes I am hurt because he's ignoring me but this is making me feel really insecure. I know it's silly and I probably shouldnt care but this is a serious question. I don't have no-strings-attached sex so the no calling after sex thing has never happened to me; actually I haven't had that many sexual partners for my age. Thanks.
It's possible that it's not you.
Maybe he only wanted sex and nothing more.
And as for men's attitudes, well we are all different. Personally, i would be upfront from the beginning that i only would want sex. Or afterwards, I would be honest and say I only wanted sex. But this is just me, and not everybody else.
Birdy, sorry but you got played. Did this guy know about your epic long 2.5 year sex drought? Maybe he only wanted sex -- or is up for a real relationship, but eventually realized he didn't want that from you, so he figured he'd hang in there to atleast have sex with you, as a "souvenir" of the time he spent on you. He likely knew that if he bided atleast some time into you, you'd eventually have sex with him, since 2.5 years is so absurdly long that your body must have been SCREAMING for sex even if your brain said "no" lol. I've heard of similar stories from other girls in a similar situation: went on a long sex drought (either by choice or not by choice), had a sexless ongoing dating situation with a guy, stayed monogamous to the guy despite not even having exclusivity or bf/gf status mutually established yet, and ended up dumped as soon as they eventually had sex with the guy. In that situation, why wait so many months at all?? In the end, you got used for sex, and had sex with a guy who you'll never be able to have an Episode 2 with probably ever again. If you're going to do that, you might as well do that after a few weeks, or have a one night stand lol. Otherwise, you're wasting your time, staying loyal to a non-boyfriend for months on end, just to end up ditched and feeling used.
2.5 years...2.5 years????!!!! YIKES! That alone is a red flag to most guys (and girls). Sorry but I do not know how you could go 2.5 yrs, esp at an age when most people are married by now. I think it's self respecting to hold out on sex and not give up the goods right away, but I also think it's self respecting to avoid ending up in the opposite extreme too, as a multiple-year drought doesn't do yourself any real favors. Take it from me, as I had an embarrassingly long year+ drought before too (still it wasn't quite as long as yours). Looking back, I actually felt worse about myself in the drought than I did when I wasn't in a drought. The drought reduced my self esteem, made me more self conscious of my body and potential "performance" lol, and made me feel awkward around guys. I felt like I had a giant "C" for celibacy plastered on my forehead. The drought didn't lead to me finding "the one" or getting a husband, but only led to me finally saying "enough is enough" and entering a hookup/friends-with-benefits situation. In that arrangement, the guy asked me how long it'd been since the last time I'd had sex, which made me squirm with embarrassment. When I asked him and he said it'd "been a while, over 2 months," I definitely felt the need to lie about my celibate timespan by a whole year. So on top of all the other bad things the drought led for me, it also led to me becoming a liar too lol.
I know it's been 7 yrs since this was posted, and I really hope you've found yourself in a better place by now, Birdy. But if not, please take this advice and DO NOT tell people how long it's been if it's been that long. (also don't tell them how short it's been if you've just had sex with an ex, say, yesterday lol) No good will come of it. The only exception is perhaps if the guy is the super religious, "born again virgin" type who would praise celibacy. But a divorced guy with kids?? Nah. Personally I don't know why a never-married, childless, sexless woman would want to be with a guy who's "used goods" with a prior marriage and kids anyway, but that's just me.
It was a "thrill of the chase" guy. He got what he was chasing and lost interest. Move on. Those guys are toxic. He'll want the thrill of chasing the next one.
It was a "thrill of the chase" guy. He got what he was chasing and lost interest. Move on. Those guys are toxic. He'll want the thrill of chasing the next one.
LOL and THIS is exactly why I do not agree with Steve Harvey's bogus 90 day rule or anything else that involves a "rule" that implies that if one is a "good girl" and withholds the goods, it'll lead to a respectful relationship. If I'm looking to shed my long drought and a guy is going to use me then move on, then I'd rather find out at 3 weeks than at 3 months. At least at 3 weeks I haven't wasted so much time into a guy that clearly wasn't all that into me, so I won't feel so majorly played.
Also, the traditional notion that waiting around to get physical is the "magic ticket" to having a guy take you seriously and give you a relationship, is about as bogus these days as the common notion that doing all your homework and going to college will guarantee you a mind-blowing career after graduation. We all see how there are many unemployed college grads, esp the ones with liberal arts degrees lol. It's not about how long you wait for a guy or how long you stay in college; it's about the quality of choices you make and the quality of candidate you are, whether that means being a strong candidate for a job position OR for a relationship.
90 days...3 months...is a LONG time to wait for sex...especially in your late 30's...so for him to wait that long, he really liked you...
however, to wait THAT long and be disappointed (not saying he was) would definitely kill it...I think 90 days is unusually long for someone to wait JUST to have sex, especially if he could get sex elsewhere...he probably did really like you
im guessing the sex was not worth the wait
reason number 100,000,000,325 NOT to make someone wait so long for the goods
if it were me in your situation, I would have had a few sex encounters with mr nobody before having sex with someone I cared about, after being celibate for as long as you were...
Birdy, sorry but you got played. Did this guy know about your epic long 2.5 year sex drought? Maybe he only wanted sex -- or is up for a real relationship, but eventually realized he didn't want that from you, so he figured he'd hang in there to atleast have sex with you, as a "souvenir" of the time he spent on you. He likely knew that if he bided atleast some time into you, you'd eventually have sex with him, since 2.5 years is so absurdly long that your body must have been SCREAMING for sex even if your brain said "no" lol. I've heard of similar stories from other girls in a similar situation: went on a long sex drought (either by choice or not by choice), had a sexless ongoing dating situation with a guy, stayed monogamous to the guy despite not even having exclusivity or bf/gf status mutually established yet, and ended up dumped as soon as they eventually had sex with the guy. In that situation, why wait so many months at all?? In the end, you got used for sex, and had sex with a guy who you'll never be able to have an Episode 2 with probably ever again. If you're going to do that, you might as well do that after a few weeks, or have a one night stand lol. Otherwise, you're wasting your time, staying loyal to a non-boyfriend for months on end, just to end up ditched and feeling used.
2.5 years...2.5 years????!!!! YIKES! That alone is a red flag to most guys (and girls). Sorry but I do not know how you could go 2.5 yrs, esp at an age when most people are married by now. I think it's self respecting to hold out on sex and not give up the goods right away, but I also think it's self respecting to avoid ending up in the opposite extreme too, as a multiple-year drought doesn't do yourself any real favors. Take it from me, as I had an embarrassingly long year+ drought before too (still it wasn't quite as long as yours). Looking back, I actually felt worse about myself in the drought than I did when I wasn't in a drought. The drought reduced my self esteem, made me more self conscious of my body and potential "performance" lol, and made me feel awkward around guys. I felt like I had a giant "C" for celibacy plastered on my forehead. The drought didn't lead to me finding "the one" or getting a husband, but only led to me finally saying "enough is enough" and entering a hookup/friends-with-benefits situation. In that arrangement, the guy asked me how long it'd been since the last time I'd had sex, which made me squirm with embarrassment. When I asked him and he said it'd "been a while, over 2 months," I definitely felt the need to lie about my celibate timespan by a whole year. So on top of all the other bad things the drought led for me, it also led to me becoming a liar too lol.
I know it's been 7 yrs since this was posted, and I really hope you've found yourself in a better place by now, Birdy. But if not, please take this advice and DO NOT tell people how long it's been if it's been that long. (also don't tell them how short it's been if you've just had sex with an ex, say, yesterday lol) No good will come of it. The only exception is perhaps if the guy is the super religious, "born again virgin" type who would praise celibacy. But a divorced guy with kids?? Nah. Personally I don't know why a never-married, childless, sexless woman would want to be with a guy who's "used goods" with a prior marriage and kids anyway, but that's just me.
OMG! 2.5 years without sex? How could anyone survive that???
This is like a thread from 7 years ago... Just sayin'
I will hit a two year drought come next November. I do get horny asf, but am so busy that its fleeting. It's easy to get some, just like it's easy to get a man. So honestly the reason I'm in a drought in the first place is because it isn't a priority.
Best believe that once I finish up with the things that I need to that are currently keeping me busy, that the drought will be over. I'm a proponent for waiting to have sex, not for 90 days, but for however long it takes until I'm comfortable and we have to have an agreed verbalized relationship of some sort.
That being said-I'm not keen on getting into a relationship, so rather than waiting until I'm ready for one, prolonging the drought, and so on-I have no qualms about just getting a "buddy" for a while-helps you get your groove back, ends the drought, and when it's time to get into a relationship makes it easier to avoid the awkwardness that usually happens when you went too long without any "d". This is what I would have recommended to the op lol.
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