Steve Harvey's new book: 5 questions every woman should ask (dating, wife, long-term)

[killer2021]

I like to see what women are reading these days (about relationships) just so i know what to do when these situations come up in the dating scene. One of the popular book that is out is steve harvey's "act like a lady - think like a man."

One of the interesting things I've read was the 5 questions every woman should ask. I found this section particularly interesting because I would say these questions come up often. He not only talks about the questions but gives good responses and bad responses. If a man wants to stay in the game with a specific female he should answer these questions very precisely. Lieing is optimum because if you are honest, she will just put you in the gay friend zone. It doesn't matter how much time energy or money you spent on her. Answer these questions wrong and you will get NOTHING:

1) what are your short-term goals?

Good response: You want to have realistic short-term goals. Good responses are going to college to get xyz degree, working to achieve xyz goal or getting a promotion.

Bad response: No short-term goals.

2) what are your long-term goals?

Alright in this question she is trying to gauge where SHE will fit into your life. Most of the short-term goals should be related to career, money or education. The long-term goals on the other hand will relate more towards family life.

Good response: something a long the lines of the "white picket fence house with your wife" fantasy that every woman wants. A good response would be that you want to eventually get married to the right girl and have some kids. You could also say stuff like traveling etc.

bad response: No view on family life or the long-term goals are the same as the short-term goals.

3) what are your views on relationships?

Good response: The key thing she is looking for is, "are you willing to commit." Also talking about family is important. Say you want a family and have children. Almost every woman wants a family.

bad response: you don't want kids or a family/wife. Bad relationships with mother, god or you don't want to commit.

4) what do you think about me?

Good response: You have to show that she is special to you. You want to talk about both the physical attributes and personality. Don't just say, "I think you are a nice girl and have soft skin." You have to give specific examples. The examples show that you've been listening to her and analyzing her not just ignoring her as she blabs on and on.

Bad response: generic responses. "I like your hair. I like your lips." without any examples.

5) how do you feel about me?

Good response: Once again this is another question where you have to make her think she is special to you. You have to express emotion for her. Say stuff like you miss her when she isn't around or when you first see her it makes you very happy. I just enjoy being around you. I feel complete when I am with you and when you are not around I feel like something is missing in my life.

Bad response: for example, I think you are good and a nice girl to hang around with.

Remember, most of these questions are deal breaker questions. If you give any bad responses, she will put you in the gay friend zone. Which basically means she won't ever have sex with you. Not in a million years. It doesn't matter how nice you are to her. Being nice will NOT get you laid, it gets you married with kids you never even wanted in the first place. Just like men who want multiple girls women also want multiple guys to provide for them. Harvey suggests four guys every woman needs, which are:

1) old rich guy - can't have sex, loves your company and spends money on her.

2) the player - sucks at life in general but has a great body and great at sex. No serious commitment (---- guys, you want to be this guy.

3) the nice guy - this is the guy she will marry and have kids with. Withholds sex and commands a lot of requirements.

4) The gay/ugly friend - provides attention and listens to how she plays and manipulates the nice guy. Never wants sex and enjoys listening to various chick talk. Also this person will NEVER have sex with her, ever, not in a million years.

I would say the book is decent to read because it shows what tactics women are using to get what they want. How to manipulate men. I know guys are also in that game but women are doing the EXACT same thing to guys. If you don't know what you are doing you'll get taken for a sucker pretty quickly. The main agenda is withhold sex and try to control a man. Have the man pay for everything and only reward good behavior (with sex). Eventually lock the man down by forcing him to get married to you. The book suggests using ultimatums, having high standards and setting your price high. Likewise the book talks about how to selectively love someone. If they don't have a plan - pass on them. If you don't make xyz money - pass on them. The only way you will love is if he passes zyz requirements.

Of course my dating methods will bypass all of these requirements. Getting what you want for as little effort as possible is the name of the game. For a man, the most important thing to do is get your act together. The more money you've got the less she can put up ultimatums and requirements as suggested by the book.

[shania]

Oh boy, has it really come down to this? Now men and women have to "outgame" each other? I seriously doubt there are hordes of women out there who are testing their dates with these types of questions. This is just a book that many women (myself included) have not read. If they have read it, they may have discarded it in the "this is a bunch of crap" pile of self help books.

I don't recall ever asking any guy these types of questions. I usually learn this type of information from the guy himself, as a real relationship develops and he shares more about himself with me over time.

If you're worried about the 90 day rule, that was covered in another thread. Majority of women said they didn't buy into it, and they weren't overly concerned with the amount of money a guy made or what his short term goals were in deciding to engage in sex early on in the relationship. What is a dealbreaker for most women and will cause them to withhold all sex and friendship, is when they are dealing with an emotionally immature guy who thinks he has to lie to make any connection with a woman.

[azoria]

That's more uncomfortable than a job interview.

If a date asked me those questions and sat waiting for an correct response while I fumbled for some kind of surprise coherent answer.....why would you corner someone like that?

If you pulled a stunt like that on me I'd never date you again. And I'm a nice person too. Just don't like being ambushed with relationship pop quizzes.

You would be crossed off MY list.

[killer2021]

Originally Posted by shania

Oh boy, has it really come down to this? Now men and women have to "outgame" each other? I seriously doubt there are hordes of women out there who are testing their dates with these types of questions. This is just a book that many women (myself included) have not read. If they have read it, they may have discarded it in the "this is a bunch of crap" pile of self help books.

I don't recall ever asking any guy these types of questions. I usually learn this type of information from the guy himself, as a real relationship develops and he shares more about himself with me over time.

If you're worried about the 90 day rule, that was covered in another thread. Majority of women said they didn't buy into it, and they weren't overly concerned with the amount of money a guy made or what his short term goals were in deciding to engage in sex early on in the relationship. What is a dealbreaker for most women and will cause them to withhold all sex and friendship, is when they are dealing with an emotionally immature guy who thinks he has to lie to make any connection with a woman.

I agree with you 100%. Most women do not read these types of books. Some do, most don't.

None the less, the dating scene is a jungle out there. The more prepared you are, the better off you will be. Knowledge is power!

Women will NEVER admit that they don't care about how much a guy makes etc. however in reality, just look at who women are marrying. They are marrying up. Women don't care about money? hehe, their actions sure paint a different story!

If anything. All guys want sex. Some guys are willing to pay more for it than others. If you require me to pay for everything, the price is too high. If you require me to be emotionally committed to you, the price is too high.

The bottom line is that it is a jungle out there. The better prepared the better off. women have their agendas and men have their own.

That's more uncomfortable than a job interview.

If a date asked me those questions and sat waiting for an correct response while I fumbled for some kind of surprise coherent answer.....why would you corner someone like that?

If you pulled a stunt like that on me I'd never date you again. And I'm a nice person too. Just don't like being ambushed with relationship pop quizzes.

You would be crossed off MY list.

Yea I think this is one of the reasons harvey's little game doesn't work. What man wants to be with a drill sergeant? I don't that is for sure and I know a lot other men don't either.

[temptation001]

I often play 100 questions with a guy, just for pleasure. So I would ask all of the questions, and then some. I dont have many fears the guy will walk out on a date with me. Beleive me, I've tried.

[SeattlitefromNC]

Re lying:

There are plenty of books that make reference to physical cues that people make when people are lying. I have found those books to be more effective than "self-help" books in the evaluation of potential mates.

The aforementioned questions are red herrings. The real goal of asking those questions is to denote the physical responses, which tend to tell you everything you need to know about a person. Men tend to be horrible liars; the truth is often pretty apparent and exactly what one would expect.

For that reason, I tend to attract straight shooters. Honesty and purpose are massive turn-ons.

[cpg35223]

Killer, buddy. Here you are always on here whining because you can't get some of that Good Thing on a steady basis, and you dish up junk like this? Any connection between one and the other?

You know, I think there's a direct causal connection between reading articles and books on relationships and the inability to have relationships. The more you read, the more bizarre your approach gets. It's really pretty simple:

1) Have a purpose in your life.
2) Be positive.
3) Be about the other person more than yourself.
4) Don't carry around the air of desperation.
5) Be yourself.
6) Have some common sense, for God's sake.

All that gamesmanship is just horse****.

[Rcm58]

This is assuming you want to attract this women in the first place. If your just not interested my favorite for number 4 would be:

I'm sure your considered quite attractive in your own little group.

Isn't the white picket fence thing more of a poor girls dream?, don't see much of that in upper class neighborhoods.

[NotARedneck]

Originally Posted by SeattlitefromNC

Re lying:

There are plenty of books that make reference to physical cues that people make when people are lying. I have found those books to be more effective than "self-help" books in the evaluation of potential mates.

For that reason, I tend to attract straight shooters. Honesty and purpose are massive turn-ons.

You're in the minority. Fantasy is THE major turn on for most single women. They'd never admit it but would rather be lied to than face reality. I've overheard women discussing the most farcical and outrageous lies told to them by their BFs and their GFs just lap it up - with relish. It appears that these "prime specimens" are to be found everywhere but where they work, go to school or where their family and their close friends hang out. Perhaps this is a genetic response to the need to avoid inbreeding.

Of course, this is the main failing of many men in their relationships with women. They don't want to build a relationship on a crumbling foundation, so they try to be forthright and honest. The have many good points that they believe (erroneously) will carry then to success and don't feel the need to lie about other things. Most women don't want this and can be vicious in denouncing such men. They accuse them of being wimps and (of all things) liars but their real crime is not being able to carry off a fantasy.

Fortunately, we've entered an era when being single is no longer a major liability. Hence the number of never married men has increased from a little over 10% in 1960 to nearly 33% today.

[robertpolyglot]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

2) Be positive.
5) Be yourself.

The bolded one is the "bottom line." The other one is important too.