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Bone, the damage has already been done. She's divorced and you're in the middle of your divorce. Why can't you be with her? Why was she good enough to have an affair with but not good enough to have a relationship with now that you are both free?
If your feelings for her are as strong as hers were, why not have a relationship with her? Just because your relationship started as an affair doesn't mean it can't continue. The only reason would be if you are trying to get back with your ex, and I don't you want that.
You deserve to be happy and if you didn't want to be with her that email wouldn't have moved you. Go for it.
Yeah I know exactly what went wrong. As soon as they were married he turned into the control freak telling her she could not work or go to school. He began telling her she is ugly and fat. 5 feet 4 inches tall at 120 pounds is no where near fat. She is a latin american so most of her is butt and thighs(In a really good way)! When she started taking classes to get her degree her ex got even worse and was cornering her yelling at the top of his lungs that she will obey him and all that. So yeah I know why that didn't work.
I am the opposite of this guy in so many ways. I have questioned at times what it is that attracted her to me. Anyway.
The stealth comment is pretty close to dead on. I do love her(first time I have admitted this even to myself in a while). Honestly I am scared of another failed relationship.
If your both hurting, there must be something there.
I have always heard the warnings about rebound relationships and how you should wait X amount of time for X amount of yrs. you were married. I started seeing my bf 2 months after I got divorce papers and we are still together.
Her emotional baggage can be delt with. Time heals. Given time in a relationship with you she will come to see not all men are messed up a holes.
Why not just try to cool it down for awhile instead of breaking it off.
Life is short boney, make a chart in your head with love on one side and fear on the other and see which list is longer, The long platonic relationship you had in the begining might mean you will at least always have a good friend.
We have been cooled down/called off for a few weeks already. Or I should say I have been. Or at least I have been keeping it under wraps. She has not let a day go by with out trying to communicate with me. She says I am just scared of a relationship and need to let her be here for me when I need her not just when I want her. Gosh she makes alot of sense. IDK.
I am now legally separated from my wife and in the process of a divorce. She was married but has been divorced now for about a month.
As I have said before affairs are totally wrong. I am not making any case for it being OK.
Both of our marriages were done except the paperwork when we met. Neither one of us divorced for the other one.
As far as why I think it won't work. We met cheating... I mean every time I have to go out of town or she has to work late, we will both be questioning if the other is with someone else. IDK maybe that would fade. Everyone I have talked to about relationships have said it is best to be alone for a while between relationships. I am really questioning my decision this morning.
Boney you want some words to live by?
"Never pass up on a good thing" -Michael Ironside
whats better, to do something and have a good time with the risk of eventual heartbreak or to pass it up and spend the rest of your days wondering what could have been ?
I am now legally separated from my wife and in the process of a divorce. She was married but has been divorced now for about a month.
As I have said before affairs are totally wrong. I am not making any case for it being OK.
Both of our marriages were done except the paperwork when we met. Neither one of us divorced for the other one.
As far as why I think it won't work. We met cheating... I mean every time I have to go out of town or she has to work late, we will both be questioning if the other is with someone else. IDK maybe that would fade. Everyone I have talked to about relationships have said it is best to be alone for a while between relationships. I am really questioning my decision this morning.
I recommend you read more on relationships. I have read in different sources not to jump into a relationship so soon after a break up or a divorce. In this case both of you I do not think are really over your previous relationships. Many people immediately jump into another relationship when there is still recent emotional baggage and they are simply triying to emotionally find a support with somebody else.
It's a tough call Bone. On one hand she just might be feeling a little lonely and isolated in light of her recent divorce.
One thing about affairs, while they are wrong and most relationships that are spawned as a result are doomed, there must have been something that brought the two of you together besides being in marriages you weren't happy in. She's in a vulnerable state right now, and chances are you are too, so whether or not you should reach out to her is something only you would know. Maybe she see's something in you that she hasn't seen in a man before, and in her heart the love she feels for you is real. From what I've read, your feelings for her are somewhat luke warm. You aren't ga-ga head over heels in love with her, but you perhaps you feel as though there are some loose ends that need to be tied before you move on. Whether it's for her sake or yours, this probably isn't the right girl to get serious with at this stage of your life. If there is a chance you can remain friends, then maybe this is something that can blossom into something bigger when you both have your feet planted firmly on the ground. Right now it just sounds like the two of you need some recovery time. If it's meant to be than I'm sure the two of you will find a way down the road.
She says I am just scared of a relationship and need to let her be here for me when I need her not just when I want her. Gosh she makes alot of sense. IDK.
She loves you, you love her. You say she' s making sense. I'll tell you what I would do, Boneheaded -- I would take the leap with her. God, if you honestly and truly love one another and this has stood the test of time then don't over analyze things and miss this opportunity. Yes, you could get hurt again. But that is with ALL relationships.
And this is no "rebound" relationship -- you guys have been together for a long time. As for the cheating thing: yes, that could be an issue. But it could not. Both of you strayed because of very difficult circumstances. Neither of you, as far as I can tell, are "spray your seed everywhere" type cheaters, right? Your behavior was regrettable but understandable given the very difficult circumstances. And perhaps you can talk about your experiences and use that as a basis to remember to BE THERE for one another in supportive ways (just as your respective spouses were NOT there for either of you)
If you make each other happy, don't let that slip by. I can tell you all about making the mistake of deciding to be in a relationship by using too much brain and not enough heart...
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