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Today i just got into a argument with my wife of 5 years. She called me at work crying thinking that i was cheating on her. She found some spam email about porn sites and she thinks that i am looking at other women because i don't love her. I asked her why is it OK if we watch porn together and laugh about it, but when i look at porn its wrong, its cheating ,disgusting etc.... I understand if i look at porn 24/7 then yes its a problem, but once in a blue moon its that wrong?
Talk to HER about it. It's an individual relationship thing.
It's fantasy sex with someone else if alone, it can be together as well, but it's usually more of a fantasy arousal for sex WITH the partner in that case.
End of the day, your in a relationship with her, it's a given you both have to make compromises sexual and otherwise to keep each other happy. Just as long as it isn't completely one sided, in this case giving up the once in awhile porn, while not having your needs taken care of in return then I don't see the issue...
I spoke some more with my wife, and this discussion about porn turned into that i don't make her feel loved. That i don't give her the same attention i gave her when we first met. I tel her i am tired after work and taking care of chores around the house that i like being quiet and in my little bubble. we try and make time for ourselves but its hard with kids being very young. So she thinks that my little bubble is trying to have an affair online. i think this argument is deeper then its seems, any advice?
Looking at porn while having a healthy sex life is no big deal. However, if you don't have sex with your wife, I can see how she is upset about you looking at porn. We always make time for what we really like to do. Sex being one of the biggest pleasures there is, if you don't make time for that, something is probably very wrong in your marriage.
I spoke some more with my wife, and this discussion about porn turned into that i don't make her feel loved. That i don't give her the same attention i gave her when we first met. I tel her i am tired after work and taking care of chores around the house that i like being quiet and in my little bubble. we try and make time for ourselves but its hard with kids being very young. So she thinks that my little bubble is trying to have an affair online. i think this argument is deeper then its seems, any advice?
Redisca nailed it on the head.
Quote:
Looking at porn while having a healthy sex life is no big deal. However, if you don't have sex with your wife, I can see how she is upset about you looking at porn. We always make time for what we really like to do. Sex being one of the biggest pleasures there is, if you don't make time for that, something is probably very wrong in your marriage.
There is a big difference between looking at porn on your own while maintaining a healthy sex life, and looking at porn on your own while not maintaining a healthy sex life. By the post I quoted on yours at the top of this post, it sounds like you are in the latter situation. You're tired. Who isnt, working a full time job and dealing with kids after? It's exhausting. But if you allow your real sex life to lapse and supplement it by porn, your wife has valid concerns.
Whether you mean to or not, you have replaced your wife for porn. You may consider it a quick fix, but it does nothing to enhance and strengthen your relationship with her. You need to refocus your attention and let her know that you do find her sexy and worthwhile.
But that just it i don't look at porn religiously its a once in a blue moon things. like i said before when we watch tv together and porn come on its not a big deal we watch for a while together then flip the channel. i don't lean over to my wife and ask her if she's in the mood because that open up another set of problems. we try and make love as much as we can, but i guess the problem is just more then sex.
Totally agree. This is a case by case basis. Take it up with the wife. Tell her you love her and you're into her ... just reassure her that you find her sexy. We can't tell you how to do that. She's not our wife. Just figure out a way to do it.
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Originally Posted by Waynec613
Oh god. Not another thread on it...
Talk to HER about it. It's an individual relationship thing.
It's fantasy sex with someone else if alone, it can be together as well, but it's usually more of a fantasy arousal for sex WITH the partner in that case.
End of the day, your in a relationship with her, it's a given you both have to make compromises sexual and otherwise to keep each other happy. Just as long as it isn't completely one sided, in this case giving up the once in awhile porn, while not having your needs taken care of in return then I don't see the issue...
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