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(Disclaimer: The following I admit is just my general oppinions and I welcome someone to politely challenge them)
I have seen a bunch of threads stating that "women like jerks and bad boys etc" and, after observing homosapiens and their breeding preferences for some time, I have come to some conclusions about this phenomenon. Women, in fact, usually, do not like scum bag men for being scum bags but for what they appear to be, i.e., Confident, "Standouts", Adventurist(fun) and Not Desperate. In short, "bad boy" behavior is a means onto those four ends, and not an end unto it's self. Allow me to explain.
1) Confident. This man is sure of himself and exudes a kind of aura of "I can get it done". A jerk, in pushing people (or his S.O.) around appears to have "take charge" confidence, while in fact, that behavior marks deep insecurities. The "nice guy" is often so "nice" that he is timid and appears affraid of everything
2)"Standouts". In a crowd, who's more likely to get looked at, a man sitting back quitely or a man yelling "YOU LOOKIN' AT ME!" from accross the room? Jerks stand out and make themselves seen by provoking negative attention from their douche bag behavior, while nice guys often are so quite that they don't get noticed.
3) Adventurist and Fun. A jerk appears to be the guy whom is always in the action, often because being a "bad boy" goes hand in hand with reckless behavior. Many women are attracted to this kind of man because they preceive him as being "fun and adventurist" while a nice guy is "uneventfull"
4) Not Desperate. A jerk appears to not be desperate because he does not care for women because he treats them like trash, while a nice guy is treats a woman like gold. The way a nice guy treats women often makes him look desperate for her, and what woman wants of desperate man? The jerk, meanwhile, with his abusive nature, appears to be the exact opposite of desperate.
The Solution: If a nice guy could simply find a way to be Confident, Standout in a crowd and in her thoughts, Adventurist and fun and make sure that in being nice, he does not appear desperate, then there is no reason why a nice guy should not exude the same energy and personae that many women find appealing and have just as much "success" (and even more so) then a jerk.
Keep in mind that some women, many of whom come from an abusive past, really do seek out abusive men for complex psychology reasons. But I don't think that they are the majority of women who are drawn to the "bad boy" image as I explained above.
(Victoriapunk looks into the crystal ball) Now, I have absolutely no doubt that about a half dozen posters will see this thread and somehow find in it misogyny, self pitty, and signs I need psychological help. At no point will they say anything about the substance of the above post, but will just attack me personally in a manner reminiscent of the eighth grade. Allow me to offer this piece of preemptive advice to my fellow posters: Please don't feed the trolls.
Bad women like bad boys or women with something wrong with them,normal women for the most part do not its just that good looking people in general tend to get away with more
Some women might be with a guy who might be a jerk not becasue she likes that behavior but because hes good looking and she may feel she cant get a guy as hot as the one shes currently with so she puts up with bs she may not from a average guy
Some women might be with a guy who might be a jerk not becasue she likes that behavior but because hes good looking and she may feel she cant get a guy as hot as the one shes currently with so she puts up with bs she may not from a average guy
I can see that in the short term, but not for a long term relationship. If it's just about looks, that will get old pretty quick, I believe.
Didn't read the whole post, but FINALLY - something we can agree on. Not ALL women like the bad boy types. I've never liked the bad boys. I always went for sauve, sophisticated, intelligent and kind. Oh - and built like nobody's business!!!
To see what women (whose tastes in men vary as much as their taste in clothing) want in a man, one has to look no further than actors and the romantic heroes they play in the movies to see what the ideals are. Some of them are "bad boys" to begin with, but almost never in a romance do they stay that way.
You're not insane for having a list of what you want, infact thats often a good thing. Most people do not know what they want, out of life or a partner for that matter. Be advised when you expect something out of someone they can also expect the same out of you.
Confidence is a good thing. Nobody is attracted to someone who is wishy washy and has no idea what they want.
Now the stand out in a crowd thing I will question. You may be attracted to someone who is different, but dont expect all men to bend over backwards trying to be something they arent to attempt to impress you. In my opinion that encourages behavior that isnt normal. I refuse to act out to specifically get a woman's attention, I will do it for humor in public, but not to try to pickup anyone. I am usually quiet, and just smile at people, if they arent interested I really could not care less because that wasnt my intent in the first place.
You may be confusing adventure/fun with drama. I can not stand someone who has to constantly have drama, its a strain on my emotions and stress. Now if your idea of fun is stuff like physical exercise, mountain climbing, seeing a movie, photography, or just getting off the couch once a week to be active, I can relate. Nobody wants to come home to someone who just drinks a six pack of beer each night watching television, gag me. I dont have cable television for a reason. Once people actually think about the consequences of wanting certain behaviors out of someone, they would have to be fairly stupid to want a "bad boy" type of guy. That is unless STD's, DWI's, beer guts, child support payments, and unemployment checks turn you on.
Nobody is attracted to someone who is desperate. It also depends on what your version of desperate is. If someone is all begging and clingy, that appears desperate, regardless of if the person actually is or not. Now take me for example. I have not had sex in five years or a girlfriend ever and do not consider myself desperate in the slightest. The reason is I simply do not care, and give no appearance of wanting anything. Also the majority of women turn me off pretty quickly for various reasons. On the other hand if I were to hit on every girl who walked by me, I would appear very desperate. Its all in execution.
As I said, its good to have a list of some things you want, it shows you have some type of idea to which direction you want to go. You wouldnt go to the store wanting to make a blueberry pie and just wing it, grabbing whatever you wanted, why do the same in a relationship (unless you made a pie 40 times). I think my own problem is that I've come to expect exactly what I am out of a woman, and realize that just is not possible anymore. Maybe at some point I will give on my list somewhat, but I am content enough alone and have realized you cant force happiness by finding a partner. Happy searching.
(Disclaimer: The following I admit is just my general oppinions and I welcome someone to politely challenge them)
I have seen a bunch of threads stating that "women like jerks and bad boys etc" and, after observing homosapiens and their breeding preferences for some time, I have come to some conclusions about this phenomenon. Women, in fact, usually, do not like scum bag men for being scum bags but for what they appear to be, i.e., Confident, "Standouts", Adventurist(fun) and Not Desperate. In short, "bad boy" behavior is a means onto those four ends, and not an end unto it's self. Allow me to explain.
1) Confident. This man is sure of himself and exudes a kind of aura of "I can get it done". A jerk, in pushing people (or his S.O.) around appears to have "take charge" confidence, while in fact, that behavior marks deep insecurities. The "nice guy" is often so "nice" that he is timid and appears affraid of everything
2)"Standouts". In a crowd, who's more likely to get looked at, a man sitting back quitely or a man yelling "YOU LOOKIN' AT ME!" from accross the room? Jerks stand out and make themselves seen by provoking negative attention from their douche bag behavior, while nice guys often are so quite that they don't get noticed.
3) Adventurist and Fun. A jerk appears to be the guy whom is always in the action, often because being a "bad boy" goes hand in hand with reckless behavior. Many women are attracted to this kind of man because they preceive him as being "fun and adventurist" while a nice guy is "uneventfull"
4) Not Desperate. A jerk appears to not be desperate because he does not care for women because he treats them like trash, while a nice guy is treats a woman like gold. The way a nice guy treats women often makes him look desperate for her, and what woman wants of desperate man? The jerk, meanwhile, with his abusive nature, appears to be the exact opposite of desperate.
The Solution: If a nice guy could simply find a way to be Confident, Standout in a crowd and in her thoughts, Adventurist and fun and make sure that in being nice, he does not appear desperate, then there is no reason why a nice guy should not exude the same energy and personae that many women find appealing and have just as much "success" (and even more so) then a jerk.
Keep in mind that some women, many of whom come from an abusive past, really do seek out abusive men for complex psychology reasons. But I don't think that they are the majority of women who are drawn to the "bad boy" image as I explained above.
(Victoriapunk looks into the crystal ball) Now, I have absolutely no doubt that about a half dozen posters will see this thread and somehow find in it misogyny, self pitty, and signs I need psychological help. At no point will they say anything about the substance of the above post, but will just attack me personally in a manner reminiscent of the eighth grade. Allow me to offer this piece of preemptive advice to my fellow posters: Please don't feed the trolls.
in fairness, you make a reasoned point. but most of your other threads were angry and self-pitying.
good postive and fair post. you are improving in your posting!! .
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good postive and fair post. you are improving in your posting!! .
