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it's hot and humid today and it's been a rough week. I'm just looking for some opinions out of pure curiosity
There is an African American girl at my job in her late 20's(29 actually) who has 2 kids with a man who is Caucasian(so am I). I think she lives in her parents house with the kids. We work together every day, she as office manager, me as head clinician. We are both extremely hard working and sometimes we get into funny talks about lazy co-workers who don't pull their weight
I have always thought that this girl was attractive though I always knew we could not go out since we worked together and since i am in my 40's and have never been married nor ever had kids, even if we could go out, her kids and life situation(along with all my issues) would always raise a red flag and would probably not work out
Tho I am not the aggressive type and am the last person to think anyone on the job would be attracted to me, i wondered for some reason if she was ever attracted to me. Something about the way she acted towards me. Last week I learned thru a long time co-worker I am close to that she actually does like me and in fact has liked me in the past too. It looks like she has a thing for white guys it seems.
I was flattered and it made me feel good. But as a relatively mature man who is tuned in to reality, for some reason, and also due to the things i mentioned above, i don't think it would work out, so i am just thankful that someone who i find attractive likes me, and nothing more. I am cool with it
But since I am simply curious and certainly don't want to ask her or anyone else on the job, i thought I'd ask those here on the boards about her.
I think her kids are probably about 8 or 9 now. I would guess that she probably got into a relationship back then when she was in college, got sidetracked and didn't finish due to the kids. last month she completed her BA and she will probably go on for her masters' at some point
What is your take on this? Does her having kids and then dropping out indicate some type of character problem with her or is this the usual and customary way of life these days? Are women often torn between wanting to have kids and a career so these things happen? or does it indicate emotional instability?
From what you have said, I think she has a good character qualities. She took her responsibilities seriously by dropping out of college to care of her kids. Later, she was able to finish college and get a degree. She's obliviously an intelligent and caring person and I don't see how you could read it as a character flaw.
I don't think she was necessarily torn between kids and a career. Sometimes life happens and you either deal with the results or create and become a burden. The fact that she succeeded in raising kids and furthering her education shows emotional stability to me.
What is your take on this? Does her having kids and then dropping out indicate some type of character problem with her or is this the usual and customary way of life these days?
No. It's not "usual and customary". Nor does it indicate some type of character problem. Sh*t happens.
Are women often torn between wanting to have kids and a career so these things happen?
Some are, some aren't. Everyone is different.
or does it indicate emotional instability?
It could. But odds are against it.
I couldn't possibly give you much "take" as I've never met the girl, you've provided very few details. It doesn't sound like you know her very well anyway.
So, you are an MD, 40-something, making at least decent money, and single. A 29 year old co-worker with 2 kids, less income, and no partner considers you attractive.
You are surprised at this? She would love to get into a relationship with you as "sugar-daddy". A woman's beauty is her wealth, but a man's wealth is his beauty. Same as it was all the way back to the first civilizations, probably even to cave men.
Having children out of wedlock is more common than it was some years ago, but particularly having 2 either without benefit of marriage or as part of a very young marriage that didn't work out indicates a lack of sense to me.
At the same time, probably if you are in any way a supervisor to her it would not be a good idea to date her, or really to date anyone from where you work. I have dated people from work, back in my single days, and it never blew up in my face, but that's probably dumb luck more than skill on my part.
you're right i don't know her well and mitch i have a masters in one of the helping professions but i'm not an md. so i'm in no position to be a sugar dad, along with the fact that we work together, you're right, it's not worth it. besides, even if we did start to go out, eventually the stress and strain of eventually revealing to her that i don't make a helluva lot of money and am really not as smart as she thinks i am would do the both of us in. i have a lot of issues with trust & intimacy which would just be aggravated dating a co-worker
since i'm so quiet and reserved, i probably exude the image of "money and possessions" much more than what is in reality and since i make virtually no demands on anyone (I'm, like her, very hard working) she probably sees it as a strength
it's hot and humid today and it's been a rough week. I'm just looking for some opinions out of pure curiosity
There is an African American girl at my job in her late 20's(29 actually) who has 2 kids with a man who is Caucasian(so am I). I think she lives in her parents house with the kids. We work together every day, she as office manager, me as head clinician. We are both extremely hard working and sometimes we get into funny talks about lazy co-workers who don't pull their weight
I have always thought that this girl was attractive though I always knew we could not go out since we worked together and since i am in my 40's and have never been married nor ever had kids, even if we could go out, her kids and life situation(along with all my issues) would always raise a red flag and would probably not work out
Tho I am not the aggressive type and am the last person to think anyone on the job would be attracted to me, i wondered for some reason if she was ever attracted to me. Something about the way she acted towards me. Last week I learned thru a long time co-worker I am close to that she actually does like me and in fact has liked me in the past too. It looks like she has a thing for white guys it seems.
I was flattered and it made me feel good. But as a relatively mature man who is tuned in to reality, for some reason, and also due to the things i mentioned above, i don't think it would work out, so i am just thankful that someone who i find attractive likes me, and nothing more. I am cool with it
But since I am simply curious and certainly don't want to ask her or anyone else on the job, i thought I'd ask those here on the boards about her.
I think her kids are probably about 8 or 9 now. I would guess that she probably got into a relationship back then when she was in college, got sidetracked and didn't finish due to the kids. last month she completed her BA and she will probably go on for her masters' at some point
What is your take on this? Does her having kids and then dropping out indicate some type of character problem with her or is this the usual and customary way of life these days? Are women often torn between wanting to have kids and a career so these things happen? or does it indicate emotional instability?
No one but no one can tell you all the facts of why things happened but her.
Really she knows her mistakes but seems to better herself with education and responsibilty.
Life is hard....and my friend life is short.
Sometimes you can't waste them on the what-ifs.
When your 60 and think back what-if?
Now thats sad.
I couldn't possibly give you much "take" as I've never met the girl, you've provided very few details. It doesn't sound like you know her very well anyway.
Yeah, I was gonna say, what does it really matter, if you know that it wouldn`t work out anyway? I know that you mentioned that your just curious, but why don`t you just ask her these questions?
What is your take on this? Does her having kids and then dropping out indicate some type of character problem with her or is this the usual and customary way of life these days? Are women often torn between wanting to have kids and a career so these things happen? or does it indicate emotional instability?
It seems too many people are still stuck on what others think is the "right" order of things. Unfortunately, sh*t happens and plans have to change sometimes.
She had reason to put her education on hold. Had she stayed she'd likely still be criticized for not putting her kids first. Sounds to me like she has a good head on her shoulders. She went back to school and obtained her degree. I don't see how any of this is a reflection of emotional instability.
What is your take on this? Does her having kids and then dropping out indicate some type of character problem with her or is this the usual and customary way of life these days? Are women often torn between wanting to have kids and a career so these things happen? or does it indicate emotional instability?
To me, sounds like her priorities are JUST RIGHT by having dropped out to take care of her kids which are NUMBER ONE, above anything else. It indicates that emotionally she is right on the mark. . . a responsible woman and Mom who knows her limits - and has upward mobility and drive.
i will just invent excuse after excuse why i think things will never work out. the reality is that even if she didn't have kids i would find another excuse to not get to know her well
i just don't think highly enough of myself to think i'm worthy of anyone. a lot of it comes from the fact that a lot of the managers and supervisors at my place make a helluva lot more $$$ than me and that this girl probably is also a helluva lot more ambitious than me, though she often puts in little digs in about the fact that i have my masters and she doesn't. well the only reason she doesn't have hers is because she had her kids and when she gets hers she will probably do better than i ever will
my dad had a lot of problems handling my mother's success and their relationship got strained when that happened. honestly i never resolved such issues and this has carried over into areas like this (talking to someone, thinking i am worthy etc)
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