I am with you because you look like my missing LOVE (date, wife)

[IamInShape]

When I was in college there would always be this girl who would stare at me constantly. I didn't mind because she was very pretty. In any case she gave me all the subtle and not so subtle hints that she was interested in me. We went out and I ultimately fell in love with her. Everything was great in the beginning until one day when I was near her bed I noticed a faced down framed picture under her dresser. She was in the bathroom showering at the time and when I turned over to see the picture I was more than stunned. I saw a guy that was the spitting image of me. I put the picture back and waited to confront her.

I asked her about the picture and the guy. She was embarrased and refused to tell but finally did. She said that that was a guy she was in love with before she met me. I told her BUT he looks just like me!! She said no he doesn't--he is a couple of inches taller--I wanted to almost laugh at her insanity. Of course I broke up with her--I didn't want to be second best for life.

I ran into her years later--she was with her husband and child and I was with my current wife and children. I almost fell over backwards when I saw that her husband looked very much like me and her missing love. I felt sorry for the guy for some reason. I thought that must suck.

I wonder how many woman out there find guys that look like there missing love and if thats fair to the guy??? And was I over reacting for breaking up with her.

[Marlow]

I don't think it's all that unusual for people to date a series of people who look alike. My brother always dated women and then married a woman with dark hair and bangs for some reason. They all looked like the girl I think he loved the most. They broke up because he cheated on her and all the women after that looked sort of like her. He's married now and I think he's happy and I don't believe he thinks of his wife as a replacement for the lost love.

I have usually been attracted to tall, fit men with dark hair and eyes. My husband looks a bit like one of my old boyfriends, but that's not why I married him.

So, anyway, you may have jumped to some unwarranted conclusions, but given the circumstances, what choice did you have? Because you believed you were some sort of replacement you never would have been happy. Besides, the weirdest thing about your situation was that she still had the picture on the dresser, even though she'd turned it over. She must have still had feelings for him, regardless of whether she was attracted to you because you looked like him or not.

[MsV]

Hi IamInShape, what a horrible experience...I'm sorry that happened to you. We'll never know if you made a mistake breaking up with her.
But here's another way to consider what happened. My guess is that you were right-on with your instincts.
* she hid the pic, hesitated to explain the truth to you, then affirmed your suspicions adding "he's a couple inches taller", which is an insensitive & immature response in and of itself.
* when you met up with her later, and her hubby was similar to you and past boyfriend, I suspect you were right-on again. This young woman is probably pinning for her first love and wasting a lot of her own and other young men's time and emotions in the process. Although she may be "happy enough for her", she could be neither mature enough, nor emotionally healthy enough to recognize these other things in herself yet.
I personally think she wasn't treating you like the "gift" that I hope you are to your own wife...you made the right decision based on the signs of the moment...I think the meeting later on confirmed this. Good luck!

[Crew Chief]

I have two kinda, sorta related stories;

When I was newly in the service, I came home on leave and my "Stepmother from Hell" introduced me to a girl that lived down the street from us. When I went to pick her up for our lunch date, I'm sure she saw the crestfallen look as she opened her front door. The girl was the "spitting image"of my step mother... She actually turned out to be quite nice, but I just could not face the idea of staring into my stepmother's face every time I looked at her.

Although I dated a number of women that didn't look anything at all like my mother, I ended marrying a woman who, oddly, resembles my mother quite a bit...

[floridadreamer]

My brother was pretty head over heels for his first high school girlfriend, but then we move all the way across the country. He did date more than one girl that looked very similar to her. In the end, his wife isn't reall, but it was pretty freaky nonetheless.

I think the guys I have date were all pretty different from each other.

[caribbeanppl]

I have a relative that married someone for that same reason. They've been together for like 30 years now. I don't think it will affect the relationship in any way. The person could have the looks of the first one but once you get to know someone and fall in love with that person the looks will be secondary at determine moment. I haven't follow that pattern myself but don't see it as a big deal though