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Your tone seems to be like you're talking me off of a ledge
She IS talking you off a ledge! As is everybody else!
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I don't think telling her would do irreperable harm to her relationship with her father.
How CAN you do something like this to your wife?! And you've always sounded like a reasonable man to me! Imagine how humiliated her mother and/or father would be! How disappointed your wife might be! As LM said, you need to look UP to your parents now matter how old you are!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! How would you like to know the same worthless piece of info about YOUR father?!
Well, it sounds to me like he definitely wants to tell her and just looks for validation and grasps at straws here - for example, weighing heavily on the only post agreeing with him...
You're wrong, sierra. I'm not seeking validation or grasping at straws here. Yes, my natural instincts are to tell her. If I were her, I'd want her to tell me. However, I have a stronger taste for uncomfortable truths than some. I'm opening this up to the forum to gauge if others would want to know. Would you want your husband to know something about your father that you don't?
I think the strongest argument against telling her is the embarrassment it would bring to my mother-in-law. Obviously, if she didn't tell her daughter she didn't want her to know. I'm sure if she knew I knew she wouldn't be too happy about that either.
Would you want your husband to know something about your father that you don't?
If it's something that's gonna hurt me for no reason, absolutely! As a matter of fact, I wouldn't care for my husband's confessions, either, if he had some minor indiscretion with no real consequences!
It's really between the husband and wife. I don't think it's your duty to tell the daughter (your wife) about it. If they feel like telling their kids about it one day, great. If not, just keep it to yourself.
If it's something that's gonna hurt me for no reason, absolutely! As a matter of fact, I wouldn't care for my husband's confessions, either, if he had some minor indiscretion with no real consequences!
Oh lord, sierra ... really? Is that where you want to go? I am going to put you down for a very strong "no, don't tell," and I'm going to ignore the unnecessary bout of nastiness.
Oh lord, sierra ... really? Is that where you want to go?
No, I don't wanna go anywhere. I was just talking about myself as an example. Didn't even realize you'd take it this way...
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I am going to put you down for a very strong "no, don't tell," and I'm going to ignore the unnecessary bout of nastiness.
Bout of nastiness?! Where did you see that?!
Look, WestCobb, now I'm more than convinced you don't really want anybody's opinion and I regret wasting my time and emotions on this thread. I only feel for your wife and her family...
I'll try to keep this short.. I know I tend to over-post most of the time, but I have my reasons..
Basically, everyone is telling you not to tell her, and I agree with this completely. Still, this is something that has happened to me, so I want to explain a little more.
Somehow, my ex had found out that my mother had cheated on my father. Now again, as you say, they exemplify how any relationship should be. They've been married more than 50 years, and never once in any time that I can recall have they ever had any major issues with their marriage. --There have been issues in other places, but I'll save that for myself for now.. The point is, I always looked up to them and tried to emulate the way they communicate.
When my ex told me what she had found out, well, it didn't bother me at all. I know that all relationships have their issues, and my parents married young - 16 and 18 - and that at that young of an age they didn't have the maturity level that most married people have.. (or are supposed to have, anyway) - So I took the news with a grain of sand, so to speak. I didn't think about it at all...
...until I visited my parents face-to-face. I lived four hours away, so we could only get time off to go visit every few months or so. Well, when my mother opened the door, that was the only thing running through my mind. I didn't outwardly express anything, but it was still there. Luckily, my ex knew me well enough to know what was going through my mind; she stepped in and quickly excused me for being tired from the drive. I regained my senses and the rest of the day went pretty smoothly. Still, it was in my mind the entire time.
It actually took me a couple years to get over that. I would make little excuses not to go see them, or I would work extra days so that I wouldn't have to make an excuse. Finally, I confronted my mother about it and she explained everything to me. She didn't make excuses, but just told me how it was, no holes barred. It didn't change the fact that she cheated, but it did make me see both her and my father in a whole new light.
But, during those couple years, things went from good to bad with my ex, and then plummeted to worse. I'm not saying that it was because of what she told me, but to be honest, that did have a small part in things. One thing led to another, and we finally decided to get a divorce. If I had been closer to my parents, and she to hers, and both of us not so wrapped up in work, things might have worked out differently. We remain friends to this day, and to be honest, I'm glad things turned out the way they did.
The bottom line is this: She may be able to handle the news good, and you may not notice it affecting her, but it will. I would never lie to the person I'm with, but sometimes, there are a few small secrets that need to be kept.
I would not tell her. This is between her mother and father. Since they have worked it out and never felt the need to inform their children of the fathers indiscretion, you should leave it alone.
The story was shared between you and your Uncle-in-law.
IMO, Loose lips sink ships.
If you tell the story to your wife,
it may not bother her, but she may tell another family member,
who tells another family member, until it returns to the your
Father and Mother-in-law, who may know that his brother,
was the only person they shared the supposed "secret" with.
It could innocently start more problems than it worth.
The more I think about it I have to wonder, why would it even cross your mind to tell your wife? This is none of your business or your "uncle in law's"...forget about it...everyone makes mistakes and it is not your duty to inform others of anothers shortcomings. Let it go.
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And you've always sounded like a reasonable man to me!
