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I think something is seriously wrong with me and I am the most insecure person. I have been divorced for about 3 months. I immediately started dating this new guy and I can tell you it's not just in my mind, he is the greatest boyfriend ever. The problem is somehow the nicer he is to me (or I don't even know if it's that) as time goes on, for whatever reason, i just get more and more insecure. Can't do anything until I hear from him at the usual times. How do I go back to being normal??? I was a little (just a little)like this with my husband but we started out very slow and this has gone very fast. I am also in my mid 30s rather than mid 20s - it is not an age/appearance insecurity thing, I know I look just as good now as when I was married and before. I have issues with my family becasue I am the big disappointment and much was expected of me. I don't know, just tossing out ideas as to why I have this problem. Maybe that's not important, maybe solving (no maybe about it, I need to solve it or he will go away. I am so scared of this and it is already causing problems in the relationship. Always afraid I said something wrong and he will change his mind about being with me. ) the problem is what is important. How do I solve this problem, please help me.
Also, some of it has to do with PMS, certain times in my cycle are worse than others. And my mother is the worst, she doesn't want to talk to me when I meet someone new becasue she never thinks they are good enough. even though I am a big disappointment, she still thinks Im too good for everyone I sell myself short is what I always hear until she stops talking to me which she has about a month ago. (right when I needed her advice most- I was meeting the family and nervous, though it went great, somehow when the trip was over, I fell apart and have good days and bad days.) Lots of sex confuses me, too. any book suggestions? anything, i just don't know what to do.
Do you have a life outside of him? Do you have a healthy social life, friends you spend quality time with? You need to have more going for yourself than just a man. Someplace else to channel your time and energy so you aren't investing yourself entirely into him.
Do you have a life outside of him? Do you have a healthy social life, friends you spend quality time with? You need to have more going for yourself than just a man. Someplace else to channel your time and energy so you aren't investing yourself entirely into him.
I have friends whom I spend time with (though I am with him most days), and I have a job that is the most fun job in the world, just like hanging out with friends, I consider my co workers friends.
Why does your family consider you a disappointment?
And is your family a disappointment to you?
You have that right, too.
Sounds as if you may have some locus of control issue going on, in plain terms you have to be validated externally rather than deciding for yourself you're OK.
I was seeing a smart, competent woman many years ago. She was torn about getting a PhD, because all her sibs had one and her master's wasn't good enough for her family.
I asked her what she wanted, not what did she think her family wanted for her.
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