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I stumbled upon this thread and wanted to share. I went through this as well, I guess we all have and I agree this statement means different things to different people.
When I've said it in the past, I've meant it as a way to say "I don't want a relationship with you".
The guy who told me "he didn't want a relationship" was a close friend who expressed mutual feelings. Problem was his actions and words weren't matching. He was asking me to dinner, calling, no sex but doing everything a boyfriend/interested party would but then SAYING he didn't want a relationship. Granted, I appreciated his honesty but I still held a glimmer of hope because hey actions speak louder than words right?
I did ask why because I couldn't understand how he could express feelings, not want a commitment and yet still stay friends. How could someone want you but not want to be with you? How can someone have feelings yet risk loosing you? That was my mindset. I wasn't looking for a relationship either when all this happened but I didn't want to miss out on the opportunity. And the fact that he wanted to stay friends was torture for me since I had feelings for him.
In the end, after a heart to heart, expressing exactly how I felt, explaining my point of view and understanding his....the truth is that the problem wasn't me at all and it had everything to do with him just not wanting a relationship. He wasn't ready or able to give his all and until then he was going to give nothing.
I had to end the friendship for my own sanity and to be able to fully move on. I figured that if he were really serious about his feelings that he'd call me when ready OR that once I was completely over him, I could just be his friend without a problem.
I also had to understand that him rejecting me had NOTHING to do with me personally. I had to separate my "who" from his "do". The action (do) of rejection had nothing to do with me (who).
That tired old "it's not you, it's me" line is rejection and it does have to do with him not being attracted to you in a way that made him want to be with you. Men will tell you anything to alleviate the amount of guilt on themselves if they just tell you the hard truth, "I'm not interested in being with you," and make you cry. It's not until a little while afterward when you check in, and find out this man who supposedly "isn't ready for a relationship-its-not-you-its-me" is suddenly dating and considers himself to be in a relationship with someone else.
Well i'm seeing someone who told me from the start that he did not want a girlfriend, however that has been since Jan and its now Sept. My feelings are deeper and he still states "no relationship", but not a day goes by that we don't see each other and i stay at his house almost every night... so I'm confused with the whole thing myself. So GUYS ..PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THAT MEANS!! Im extremly sad about it..
I've used that line and she would insist that I was lying even though I didn't want to be in a relationship. She just assumed that all people want to be in a relationship.
I think it can be sort of true. After my divorce I definitely went through a period of time where I didn't want to date. I liked being single, not having to answer to anyone, etc. I dated two different guys who were great guys, but I just didn't want to be in a relationship, and that's what I told them. But now that I am ready for a relationship I know I still wouldn't want to be with those guys. I think if I had met someone who knocked my socks off I would have tried to figure out how to make it work. But I'll honestly never know.
Well i'm seeing someone who told me from the start that he did not want a girlfriend, however that has been since Jan and its now Sept. My feelings are deeper and he still states "no relationship", but not a day goes by that we don't see each other and i stay at his house almost every night... so I'm confused with the whole thing myself. So GUYS ..PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THAT MEANS!! Im extremly sad about it..
Been there and done that...sounds like he's just killing time until he finds someone he does want to be with. I wouldn't spend that much time with someone who won't claim me as their SO.
I think it is all about chemistry. If you ask someone out and they say "I don't want a relationship with anyone right now"- Maybe they just didn't eat right that day- maybe their blood sugar is low. You could ask them if they are hungry
(I'm not very friendly when I'm hungry or tired)
There is no way of knowing if it's personal or not. Sometimes the person saying this doesn't even know when they're saying it if it's personal or not. Because of that, it's better to take them at face value and not take it personally.
Well i'm seeing someone who told me from the start that he did not want a girlfriend, however that has been since Jan and its now Sept. My feelings are deeper and he still states "no relationship", but not a day goes by that we don't see each other and i stay at his house almost every night... so I'm confused with the whole thing myself. So GUYS ..PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THAT MEANS!! Im extremly sad about it..
Really?! You've heard the phrase about the milk and the cow, right?
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