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Hi! I'd like your advice on my situation.
The break-up was amicable, everything ended in good terms, and he insisted we remain friends, even though he never did contact me after that.
[...]
So, now, almost 3 months later, he texts me to tell me he just got back from his vacation and wanted to know how I was. I wasn't expecting him to contact me at all and was excited to see his text.
My advice is NO WAY, JOSE.
Relationships that end "amicably" take the longest to get over. 3 months is definitely not long enough.
If you were excited to get his text, you are not over him. You will know when you are over him when you get a text from him and you don't get excited.
Not only would I not see him, but I would distance myself from him as much as possible....plan things to do, keep busy, tell him, thanks very much but I've got other plans and can't make it....
Thank you everyone for your advice. Wow, not one person adviced it would be ok to meet him, I guess it must be for something. I'm taking the advice and not meeting him.
On the one hand, I wanted to go out with him just to prove to myself that I am over him, it would be wonderful if I went out with him and I went home feeling great because I have no feelings towards him anymore. But, what if the opposite also happened? I don't want to risk it.
Also, like I said, I will be seeing him once school starts as we have most classes together. I shouldn't associate with him then either, right? I'll be friendly if he talks to me, but I shouldn't meet with him outside of class? Will I ever get to that point where I feel indifferent towards him and only see him as a friend? Because honestly, right now, I feel great and feel like I'm over him, but I don't know what would happen once I start associating with him again.
Also, would this be a good reply?:
"Actually, I don't see the point. We'll be seeing each other at school anyway so we can catch up then " or "Sorry, but I changed my mind. It'll feel weird meeting with you, but I'll see you at school."
On the one hand, I wanted to go out with him just to prove to myself that I am over him, it would be wonderful if I went out with him and I went home feeling great because I have no feelings towards him anymore. But, what if the opposite also happened? I don't want to risk it.
Well, there are lots of things that can happen. He may announce that he is in love and getting married to a fantastic girl, and how meeting someone as fabulous as his fiance made him want to become a better person and make amends to all the people he might have hurt -- like you, for example -- by buying them cups of coffee. (Your probable reaction: ) You don't need to undertake these risks to prove anything, least of all to yourself. If you are over him, you are over him, and there is no need for a "test". If you are not over him, jam it somewhere to the back of your mind and don't put yourself in situations where your feelings might be hurt.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilamx
Also, like I said, I will be seeing him once school starts as we have most classes together. I shouldn't associate with him then either, right? I'll be friendly if he talks to me, but I shouldn't meet with him outside of class?
My advice is to keep such contacts to a minimum. You don't have to avoid him religiously, but don't get in the habit of "hanging out" with him, either.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilamx
Will I ever get to that point where I feel indifferent towards him and only see him as a friend? Because honestly, right now, I feel great and feel like I'm over him, but I don't know what would happen once I start associating with him again.
Even if you are over your break up, I think it's impossible to be friends with someone you once loved -- unless, perhaps, it's many, many, MANY years later. There will always be that tension between you, and nothing good will come out of it. Friendship with an ex-lover is a lousy consolation prize.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilamx
Also, would this be a good reply?:
"Actually, I don't see the point. We'll be seeing each other at school anyway so we can catch up then " or "Sorry, but I changed my mind. It'll feel weird meeting with you, but I'll see you at school."
I wouldn't put it in those terms. I think it's better to use one of those generic excuses, like you are too busy, you've got other plans, etc., etc., etc., and make it sound natural, no "hints". This will convey the message that you aren't really interested, without giving him the idea that you are afraid to meet him due to still having feelings for him.
"Gosh, you know, my work hours are just insane lately! It would be very difficult for me to get away. See you in school!"
If you're truly mature and over someone you can be friendly with that person. Even if you once loved him or her. I'm a testimony to that and I know other people that are as well.
Just b/c you loved someone once doesn't mean that you can never be friendly and that it'll take you years before you can get to the point of being friendly or interacting with the person. You can still love and care about that person but in a different way. You come to terms with things and if you're truly over that person you'll be ok with being friendly. It won't hurt you to talk to the person, unless he or she did something that was totally horrendous.
However, if you break off a relationship with a guy or woman that you love b/c you're running from something, then hell yes its going to be hard to have a friendship with or talk to that person b/c you're prolly still in love with him or her. Hiding never works. It only masks the problem.
To the op, just be friendly in your calls, texts or emails with him. You don't have to spend time with him if you don't want to. Just move at your own pace. It seems like you're doing ok and that you're friendly to him so just continue to do that.
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" or "Sorry, but I changed my mind. It'll feel weird meeting with you, but I'll see you at school."
) You don't need to undertake these risks to prove anything, least of all to yourself. If you are over him, you are over him, and there is no need for a "test". If you are not over him, jam it somewhere to the back of your mind and don't put yourself in situations where your feelings might be hurt.
