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Sounds to me like she is using you. She probably has a relationship with someone else that makes more money or has something that she wants. Just my .02.
Am I the only one who sees a woman who got in over her head and wants to slow it down? That sounds reasonable to me. Sorry, I don't see the duplicity or the hidden agenda.
A person does not have to want a long-term relationship in order to "date". I know this because I am doing it now. Why should she (or anyone) stay alone because she is trying to go into the military or if a relationship is not what she wants right now? I understand that you have fallen for her and she put the breaks on. That doesn't mean she doesn't care for you and doesn't enjoy being with you, or even that she doesn't miss you. It doesn't mean you don't have a chance. Based on what you've said, things are going too fast for her. She's spent enough time with you to feel those things, but perhaps not enough for her to be where you are. Two months is really not a lot of time to make these arguments against her. Looks to me like she is being honest with you and not leading you on.
If you don't like the uncertainty, you have a decision to make. Call it a day or just go with it, knowing the new "rules". There were never any guarantees to begin with, but I also understand it can be hard when you're already so emotionally invested. Good luck to you.
Who really needs the crazy. She's just not that into you. Or she's really into playing games. Either way, it's time to move on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by secret4777
I work two jobs (one full-time and the other part-time). I met this lady while at my second job. I have been dating her for the past two months. She has been trying to get into the Army, but she doesn't know if she will get in. She said awhile back that I can call her my girlfriend, so I was thinking that we were finally in a relationship now. We would go to dinner, watch a movie sometimes, and even go to church together. But on Wednesday night after dinner, she said that she doesn't know what she wants.
She said that my father would want me to marry someone who is a Nigerian Catholic. She also mentioned that my father's blessing is important. I am a 32 year old single black man who has never married, and she is a 37 year old white single mom who was twice divorced with a daughter. My parents don't want me to marry a white person, especially since she is 5 years older than me and already has a child with someone else. But even if my parents don't approve of us going out, I told her that I don't care what my parents think. She has been divorced twice, and her in-laws from her second marriage (her ex-husbands parents) didn't approve of her either, since she had a child who was black. She spent the past 18 years raising her child, working, and going to school. She currently lives with her parents.
Now that her daughter is away to college, she wants to be focused on herself and not have to compromise with someone else in a relationship. She said that she just wants us to be "dating". I understand that she wants to be focused on herself, especially since she spent so many years focusing on her daugher, but if she doesn't want to be in a relationship, then why does she want to date in the first place, especially if she is trying to get into the military anyway? You would think that if someone is trying to get into the military that they would avoid dating altogether since the military would require her to travel and be deployed in places far away. Isn't the whole point of dating to find someone to be in a relationship with? If she doesn't want to be in a relationship, then why does she keep calling me on the phone, want to have dinner with me, or spend time with me? It makes no sense. Why does she call me all the time wanting me to spend time with her? I love her so much, but I don't want to get hurt in the end. If I don't have a chance in this, why does she want to spend time with me?
I think it can't hurt to try dating a little longer. It may just be a matter of time before things develop for her. She has a very big reason to go slow. A mom can't be too quick to bring a guy into her kid's life. If it takes a year for her to feel comfortable then it's not really unreasonable. There's thread now about a woman who has two kids and MARRIED a dude she knew for three months!
Thanks for the advice everyone. I have been thinking about the whole situation over and over again. Most women would just break off the connection altogether if they found someone else. They wouldn't keep calling you on the phone, kissing you, or even hanging out with you. So, I keep getting mixed signals about this. That makes it even more difficult to decide on what to do. But I will let you know how everything turns out.
They wouldn't keep calling you on the phone, kissing you, or even hanging out with you.
YES THEY WOULD
Search the forums man, it's called "cheating" or "playing you".
I was in a similar boat, the girl just wanted to "see" me, not be in a relationship, and when she found out I was interested in another girl we worked with, she slept with me and told me not to date the other girl.
I said to myself "well if she has sex with me then she must want to be with me".
Your male ego won't allow yourself to realize she doesn't want you. She's playing a number on you man and it's tough to overcome.
People who like you, want to be with you. End of story.
We had great sex earlier this month, but I want a relationship with her, because I truly do love her and have feelings for her. She told me on the phone last night that she isn't seeing anyone else, so maybe if she still enjoys the future dates, we will be back into a relationship again
Oh dear. Your lust is, and will continue to override your good sense. You're in for heartache - woman divorced twice....seems to want things only on her terms.....enjoy the ride for now because the tears are going to flow later on.
Have any of you been in this particular situation? If so, how did you handle the situation?
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