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I just got married a few months ago and I need some advise. My husband I have been together for almost 3 years and from the very beginning he has had a hard time not communicating to his ex's or girls who cause issues within our relationship. I have been through about 7 different girl issues where he doesn't think they are bad but it hurts my feelings and I do not think it is appropriate. Even though I was his girlfriend he would still have to call them just to see whats up. I thought it would change, especially since we got married. Every time I bring it up to him "he gets it and it will change" well it hasn't. I do love him with all my heart hence why I have stayed. I pray he will see it and love me and my love is good enough. Every time, I think it is the last time he will do it and finally get it. It's not that I think he wants to hurt me I think he honestly do NOT get it. We are married and a young girl from his past e-mailed him asking why they were not friends anymore. (Same girl who called and texted very late at night to my husband and I made him stop) He did not tell me she e-mailed him-he e-mailed her back suppously telling her to stop because "he is married-and thats what just happens" - not because his wife and him think it's not such a good idea and he loves his wife and happy. Every time a girl situation comes up he never comes and tells me, I find out and have to bring it to him. I am very frustrated since we are married now and why couldn't WE have had handled the situation with this girl. I fear he lies to me since he has before and is never straight up front about things. I fear it will never stop. He has talked to pastors, his guy friends, ect and still doesn't get it. It truly hurts my feelings because I feel like I am not enough for him. I am now in an awful spot...do I keep doing this and HOPING he realizes it hurts me and is not fair to his WIFE or do I leave? Help!
Hmmm..sorry you are stuck...But you can't change a person. I personally choose to stay away from these types. Is there anything you changed in your life for him?
I can't really give you advice, but never, EVER go into a relationship thinking someone will change. They never do. You went into this knowing what he was like, you need to understand NOW that he will never change and you can't make him. Maybe that'll give you your answer.
Yes, I think that's why it's so frustrating. I have changed many things to become a good, dependable wife who loves and cherishes him. I do not have any guy friends anymore just a few that do not cause issues. I think that's the thing-I am not a jealous type-I could care less if he was friends with women who respected our relationship but all of his girl friends called/texted ect pretty innappropiate things while we were dating, engaged, and now married. We had 3 girls crying when they found out he was engaged to me.. wow. I am just not too sure what to do.
Well I know what I would do..I would call those b***** on thier s***. I have done that. And scared little wenches like that far off. I think you should just talk to the guys you cut off too. Maybe then he will see it, or maybe then the both of you will be happier. But those innappropiate texts...You are the wife, you can tell them directly where to put those thoughts. I would not have kids with this guy at all until you see how the relationship plays out for the next 5 years.
haha oh believe me I defiantly wanted to but I didn't want to be "the stupid crazy gf/wife" I kind of wanted him to do it to show them because we all know how girls can be. Thank you for the advise and yes children are def not in the picture right now!
Yeah This has always been an issue for me, My Girlfriend still has her ex's Phone numbers in her cell and her reason is Just because...Not thrilled about it..Be strong and leave if he doesn't respect you.
I just got married a few months ago and I need some advise. My husband I have been together for almost 3 years and from the very beginning he has had a hard time not communicating to his ex's or girls who cause issues within our relationship. I have been through about 7 different girl issues where he doesn't think they are bad but it hurts my feelings and I do not think it is appropriate. Even though I was his girlfriend he would still have to call them just to see whats up. I thought it would change, especially since we got married. Every time I bring it up to him "he gets it and it will change" well it hasn't. I do love him with all my heart hence why I have stayed. I pray he will see it and love me and my love is good enough. Every time, I think it is the last time he will do it and finally get it. It's not that I think he wants to hurt me I think he honestly do NOT get it. We are married and a young girl from his past e-mailed him asking why they were not friends anymore. (Same girl who called and texted very late at night to my husband and I made him stop) He did not tell me she e-mailed him-he e-mailed her back suppously telling her to stop because "he is married-and thats what just happens" - not because his wife and him think it's not such a good idea and he loves his wife and happy. Every time a girl situation comes up he never comes and tells me, I find out and have to bring it to him. I am very frustrated since we are married now and why couldn't WE have had handled the situation with this girl. I fear he lies to me since he has before and is never straight up front about things. I fear it will never stop. He has talked to pastors, his guy friends, ect and still doesn't get it. It truly hurts my feelings because I feel like I am not enough for him. I am now in an awful spot...do I keep doing this and HOPING he realizes it hurts me and is not fair to his WIFE or do I leave? Help!
First of all, I don't understand WHY you married him after 3 yrs of him "not changing" his ways of communicating w/ his exes. And then now you finally "got it" and wanting to leave. Excuse me, but don't you realize that MARRIAGE is not dating? To be honest, now that you're married to him, I think you ought to work way harder at saving your marriage, IF this is the only "issue" you have w/ your husband.
This "issue" you're having w/ your husband is childish game, and should have been dealt and over with BEFORE you got engaged.
So, before you make any hasty decision, answer the following ?s:
1. When he does call up any of his exes, what things does he talk about? Even though they try to "flirt" with him over and over again, how does he "handle" their flirtations?
2. When you caught him "going back" to his communicating w/ the exes, what does he say in response to your questioning?
3. Are you having an issue because THE GIRLS are contacting him, or is it because HE is still contact w/ them?
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