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maybe she's intimidated by your jealousy; people start to act guilty out of trying to not act guilty...
you know how some blush or fidget when being questioned about something they didn't do, making them look guilty? same type thing...she may get nervous from how you get uptight seeing another guy near her.
just saying, unless she has cheated before, you should try to not think the worst. This relationship is headed down the drain unless trust is there...
maybe she's intimidated by your jealousy; people start to act guilty out of trying to not act guilty...
you know how some blush or fidget when being questioned about something they didn't do, making them look guilty? same type thing...she may get nervous from how you get uptight seeing another guy near her.
just saying, unless she has cheated before, you should try to not think the worst. This relationship is headed down the drain unless trust is there...
I think you are right. I really did not suspecty anything was going on really, more just me being a little sensative to her not showing me some attention when I arrived and her blaiming it to being in a hurry--when she had time to burn and chat right before I came. But yes people do read into things and I think that is what I did. Sometimes this stuff happens, but trying to talk to her about it went nowhere and lead to a fight later that night. Oh well. You can't win 'em all, thats what I have learned on my time on this planet!
Did you see the painter? If so, was he "jealous material?"
If you did not atually see him, what if he was not "jealous material?"
Then what? Would you still have been upset because she didn`t give you a long hug, and kiss, or would you have blown it off as if, she was running late?
Did you see the painter? If so, was he "jealous material?"
If you did not atually see him, what if he was not "jealous material?"
Then what? Would you still have been upset because she didn`t give you a long hug, and kiss, or would you have blown it off as if, she was running late?
Well to be honest I did run out there to see if I could see him but he was not there. I was curious as to what he was like! But I thought about it and it really was more that she chose to chat and waste time with him than with me.
when she had time to burn and chat right before I came
But she really didn't. When you showed up she realized that she'd wasted too much time chatting to the painter, and had to rush to get ready so that you weren't late to the party.
Well to be honest I did run out there to see if I could see him but he was not there. I was curious as to what he was like! But I thought about it and it really was more that she chose to chat and waste time with him than with me.
Ok. What if he was 70 years old, and had a big mole between his eyes?
I mean, if you wanted to see the guy, then you should have walked around the house, and introduced yourself!
She chose to chat, and waste time with him, rather than you huh? Hmmm... She went out with YOU, not him. No biggie! Next time, see for yourself, just what she is wasting her time on, before you jump to conclusions! Just my input...
I don't know why I even bother any more. I try to be a fair person but I am finally convinced some people just do not get it!...
Here's a huge problem. It's so big that it can cause peoples worlds to collapse.
It's not only you, but just listen for a moment.
If I had to make one statement that I believed to be absolute truth, it would have to be this:
Most of the problems that people face are because they are unable to look at things from anothers point of view.
Take your example here and look at things from her viewpoint.
She's rushing around to get ready, and sets her flat-iron down to heat up. She figures that while it's heating up, she'll slip outside to grab a quick smoke.. She's pumped about the party, and even more excited to go with someone she cares deeply about that she hasn't seen in a few days. So, she slips out onto the back porch and lights up. She's puffing away, trying to hurry, when the painter from across the street yells over at her. "Oh God, not again..", she thinks. But, trying to be at least semi-polite, she stops and talks to him for a moment. He's going off on some tangent about his construction woes, but all she can think about is the party.
Then, the guy arrives. "CRAP!", she thinks.. More irritated at herself for not just ignoring the painter, she rushes in, gives her guy a quick kiss, and rushes up to finish her hair. She knows how important the party is, and she knows how much he likes to be on time, so she's moving as quick as she can....
Right?
Ok, maybe not exactly, but the point is this: You don't know what was going on in her mind, and you don't know how she felt. You can only speculate.
So, the solution?
First, stop and put yourself in the other person's shoes. Try to see things from their perspective.
Second, if the first doesn't resolve anything, communicate. Don't accuse, but communicate. Be open and honest, without insinuating that anything was done wrong on their part.
Just by doing those two things, a lot of problems will never even become problems.
And finally, you just have to accept her for who she is. If she's not an affectionate person, don't force her to be. We can change ourselves, but we can't change anyone else.
Listen
Try to see FROM the other side
Listen
Communicate calmly your POV
Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy
Here's a huge problem. It's so big that it can cause peoples worlds to collapse.
It's not only you, but just listen for a moment.
If I had to make one statement that I believed to be absolute truth, it would have to be this:
Most of the problems that people face are because they are unable to look at things from anothers point of view.
Take your example here and look at things from her viewpoint.
She's rushing around to get ready, and sets her flat-iron down to heat up. She figures that while it's heating up, she'll slip outside to grab a quick smoke.. She's pumped about the party, and even more excited to go with someone she cares deeply about that she hasn't seen in a few days. So, she slips out onto the back porch and lights up. She's puffing away, trying to hurry, when the painter from across the street yells over at her. "Oh God, not again..", she thinks. But, trying to be at least semi-polite, she stops and talks to him for a moment. He's going off on some tangent about his construction woes, but all she can think about is the party.
Then, the guy arrives. "CRAP!", she thinks.. More irritated at herself for not just ignoring the painter, she rushes in, gives her guy a quick kiss, and rushes up to finish her hair. She knows how important the party is, and she knows how much he likes to be on time, so she's moving as quick as she can....
Right?
Ok, maybe not exactly, but the point is this: You don't know what was going on in her mind, and you don't know how she felt. You can only speculate.
So, the solution?
First, stop and put yourself in the other person's shoes. Try to see things from their perspective.
Second, if the first doesn't resolve anything, communicate. Don't accuse, but communicate. Be open and honest, without insinuating that anything was done wrong on their part.
Just by doing those two things, a lot of problems will never even become problems.
And finally, you just have to accept her for who she is. If she's not an affectionate person, don't force her to be. We can change ourselves, but we can't change anyone else.
No I agree, I think I did over react a bit. It was more that she did not take any time to greet me, but had time to sit and talk to some guy. She did say he has been there for 2 months painting so she has spoken to him before on several occasions. The painter was painting the condo and not her direct area, he was just out back while she took a break. It is insecurities and needing attention. Definately. She is the type to always pull away from a hug first, and not be too affectionate. It seems I am always making the effort to hug and kiss her and she's always pulling away first.
Maybe she had paint all over her from rolling around with the Painter. She was being polite and didn't want to get any on you.
Something tells me there is more to your suspicions than what you're sharing in this thread. Have you guys been going through any rough patches recently? Perhaps your frustration over having to be the first one to show affection is starting to wear thin and now it's gnawing away at your confidence. Unless she's displaying some serious warning signs of cheating, then I'd say you should start playing it cool and ease up some. Especially if she's starting to feel smothered by your insecurities and jealousy. That's a sure way to sabotage your own relationship.
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She went out with YOU, not him. No biggie! Next time, see for yourself, just what she is wasting her time on, before you jump to conclusions! Just my input...
