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Ok...I am new here....I have been reading many posts, and just recently figured I would join.
I would like to get some perspective on my relationship, and try to under stand women a little better. I know that there will be many serious replies as well as some joking replies, all are welcome, but I am seriously looking for perspective and input.
I have been with my current GF for going on 8 months now. We started dating, and all was, and for the most part, still is going wonderful. My question is regarding her sexual past. I have tried to ask her, to understand things better, and she won't talk to me about it. I don't have much of a past but would disclose, if she asked me to. I know that her first experience was not a pleasant one....she was lied to in a big way, and we'll leave it at that. Her next "serious relationship" was with a guy who apparently never had time for her, and it didn't work out. Between then and me, she has dated around alot....but I don't konw what that means....Is it common for women to date a lot of men and not sleep with them? Most of the guys that she dated were just a couple of dates here and there, but there were some "out of town" guys, that I know for a fact, when they were dating, they were staying at her place. I am not this type of guy, but I know that many of my friends, if they were to stay at a girls place...things would happen, physically.
I know some will say this is none of my business, and if that is your view point, that is fine....but I am looking for real advice and perspective from gals and guys to give me feed back on this type of situation. Again, some might say to let it go, but I am planning on marrying this girl, and I need some time of closure or education on this matter, and I can't get this from her....I have tried.
Ok...I am new here....I have been reading many posts, and just recently figured I would join.
I would like to get some perspective on my relationship, and try to under stand women a little better. I know that there will be many serious replies as well as some joking replies, all are welcome, but I am seriously looking for perspective and input.
I have been with my current GF for going on 8 months now. We started dating, and all was, and for the most part, still is going wonderful. My question is regarding her sexual past. I have tried to ask her, to understand things better, and she won't talk to me about it. I don't have much of a past but would disclose, if she asked me to. I know that her first experience was not a pleasant one....she was lied to in a big way, and we'll leave it at that. Her next "serious relationship" was with a guy who apparently never had time for her, and it didn't work out. Between then and me, she has dated around alot....but I don't konw what that means....Is it common for women to date a lot of men and not sleep with them? Most of the guys that she dated were just a couple of dates here and there, but there were some "out of town" guys, that I know for a fact, when they were dating, they were staying at her place. I am not this type of guy, but I know that many of my friends, if they were to stay at a girls place...things would happen, physically.
I know some will say this is none of my business, and if that is your view point, that is fine....but I am looking for real advice and perspective from gals and guys to give me feed back on this type of situation. Again, some might say to let it go, but I am planning on marrying this girl, and I need some time of closure or education on this matter, and I can't get this from her....I have tried.
Nothing wrong with asking the important questions, like, how many partners have you had exactly, have you been tested, or treated, for STD's and AID's - that kind of thing.
But if you are asking for intimate details, and you know what those are, she has the right to refuse to discuss this with you.
And yes, believe it or not, it is not so uncommon for woman to date several different men and never sleep with them. We are not compelled to have sex with anyone and everyone the way some guys are
Let it go. Everyone is entitled to their past. Believe it or not, not every couple plays the "how many partners?" game before they get married.
Look at it this way: If you're seriously in love, what number what be okay with you? Honestly, more than one (you) will probably hurt your feelings.
If you're feeling insecure about it now, it won't add anything to your relationship to continue to pursue it. If she's demanding to know everything about your past - then that's different. You sound young - no offense meant - but know that in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't matter, if you're both committed to THIS relationship NOW.
I agree that you should stop asking her. If things are going well between you, you're just going to drive her crazy. She is with you now. If she has been tested for STDs, that's about all that should concern you. Maybe she is ashamed of her past and worries that you will think she is a tramp. Maybe she went through an experimental phase and wants to put that part of her life behind her. I know it's hard not to obsess about the past, but try to focus on the present. She's HERE with YOU.
ok, and what are you going to do to change it ? magically travel back in time to stop her losing her virginity to save her virtue for you ?
you're right, her past is none of your business.
she's been with other men, learn to deal with it.
of course you can date other people and not sleep with them, especially after only a couple of dates !
you must either have a really low opinion of her, or have some self esteem problems in the bedroom department !!
in that case, it's your job to become so good, she'll forget everything which happened before.
keep going the way you're going, and you will be single. you'll be another ex for her next boyfriend to get jealous about.
I know some will say this is none of my business, and if that is your view point, that is fine....but I am looking for real advice and perspective from gals and guys to give me feed back on this type of situation. Again, some might say to let it go, but I am planning on marrying this girl, and I need some time of closure or education on this matter, and I can't get this from her....I have tried.
Why do you "need education" on this? Do you think she has an STD? What if you found out she had slept with 50 men? Would that make a difference? If so, leave now and save her some heartbreak. Good grief.
I happen to think a person's past is important- up to a point. If you aren't the ''sleeping around type '' then maybe it matters more to you ? I would like to think my boyfriend wasn't a sl..
Welcome to City Data. I'm glad you decided to join in. Most peole here are very nice and some are just comedians in the making.
If your girl firend doesn't want to talk about her past do not press her on the issue. Sometimes, in our youth, we do things we are ashamed of, would like to forget, or are very hurtful, and we'd like to leave them buried. Digging up such things usually leads to heart ache.
If you love this girl enough to contemplate marrying her, does it really matter?
What if she disclosed something that you objected to, would you dump her? If you would, is that true love? I think if you are lucky enough to find someone who you adore and who adores you why mess with it?
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