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I talked to her about the whole situation, and bless her heart she said already suspected some of it but was waiting for me to come around and talk to her about it. She said she loved me when we got married and knows that I have some issues, I have moved out for few days to give her space to think about the things clearly.
You should never cover up lies with more lies. Sometimes the truth hurts people, but the way you tell the truth will effect the healing that will have to take place. You really should just tell her the truth. ALL OF IT. Chances are, she’s going to find out about it sooner or later. If she finds out about it later, it could hurt even worse than if you just come clean and be honest… totally honest… no secrets… no lies… no deception…
From how you describe her, she deserves to know the truth, don’t you think?
Yes I agree, and i have talked to her about things. Thanks
This is not worthy of a reply. I am incensed this person ADMITS he lied to get back in the USA after being deported.
Some of us had to do INS legally and pay a lot of $ to get our loved ones here. I am just outraged by this thread.
Gypsy i don't understand what are you so incensed about, She loved me and kept me here legally. Aren't we on the same page here and we never know what really goes in "loved one's" mind....and btw i never was deported.
You lied to this girl because of your selfishness.
You cheated on this girl because you wasn't man enough to make a lasting commitment.
My friend, I'm sorry, but you won't get any sympathy from me. You created this situation for yourself, and now you have to be man enough to face reality.
So here's the brutal, honest truth:
Tell her everything. It will hurt her, but right now, you're still using her. She's going to find out one day anyway, it's better to just get things over and done with now. She's a nice girl, and doesn't deserve you. There's no way to fix what you've done - the past is in the past. All you can do now is start your life over in a way that is both positive and productive, and let her get on with hers.
Take care of your own problems. I don't know why you lost your legal status, but it's up to YOU to fix that. You can not use another human in this way. They didn't cause what happened to you to happen, in fact, they had no part in it. It's you. Hire a lawyer, get some legal advice, and do your best to correct whatever it was that you've done wrong.
Take some time by yourself. Man, I wouldn't even think about dating right now - you have more issues than a National Geographic. Before you can ever love another, and before you can ever have a solid relationship, you have to learn to love and live with yourself.
Decide right now that you have to change. I mean it. No more using people, no more cheating on people, no more lying to people. Period. You're not doing a damn bit of good to anyone - including yourself - in behaving in this way.
Look, it's good that you want to change. But, talking about it and doing it are two different things. So, stop talking, and start doing. The sooner you start the doing, the sooner you will have a much better life.
My sister (who is an a$$hole, but that's beside the point) went to a therapist. After telling her story, the therapist told her the following: "You shouldn't be here right now. You should be dead, strung out on drugs, or in prison" (I agree with the last choice, but again, that's beside the point)
So, we can trade stories of how f(cked up our childhoods were, but you're an adult now and it's time to go to a therapist or counselor or clergy or 12-step program or "fill-in-the-blank" and make the choices that make you a better person. Your only "out" here is if you're psychotic, and even that excuse is debatable.
I have a cousin who is a lovely woman, inside and out. But her life is a disaster because she married a man who did this very same thing. She found out after this person became a citizen that his marriage to her was a sham and all he wanted was citizenship. This mess so totally destroyed her self esteem that she did it 2 more times...... Yes, I know, ridiculous. However, in her defense, this man was from a culture that routinely restricts the activities of their female partners. By the time their marriage was done, the only people she knew well were also from that country. In a way, it was like she was brainwashed.
Anyway, if you leave this woman, try to convince her to get psychological help.
I am not of those guys and she is not your cousin.
Gypsy i don't understand what are you so incensed about, She loved me and kept me here legally. Aren't we on the same page here and we never know what really goes in "loved one's" mind....and btw i never was deported.
I thought from your first post you had to leave the USA.
If things work out for you, fine.
Too bad her dad or brother didn't kick your a** for what you've done. I don't say that very often but you are in need.
I hope your butt gets deported. At least when men go to Russia for a bride they know what they are buying in return for a free trip to the US.
In your case, I hope it's true that what goes around comes around.
Be a honorable & decent man.
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