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You have made sufficient efforts and overtures. There is clearly an issue of old fashioned values and morality, and for a modern woman like yourself, you will never see it clearly (and you shouldn't, because time doesn't stand still). Live your life and tolerate them as much as you can. Don't disallow your husband his family's contact with their son (you haven't), but give yourself an opportunity to fill in on outside opportunities after you've had your fill in your visit with them. Spend an hour with them, and in a pre-arranged fashion, ask your husband for the car keys, so you can leave. You can return home, do some shopping, visit with a friend, or otherwise occupy yourself with 'me' time, but don't waste time with them dragging you down any longer. This seething animosity has no explanation and is not deserved - don't make it your own any longer.
How many times will you knock on a door and stand there for an answer? Make it a purposeful experience to leave after you have enjoyed yourself. They don't have to 'get it' and likely never will. So what. Your husband gets you, and that's all that matters. You will otherwise set yourself up for this ongoing abuse, insult, and injury, and life is too short to make this an issue for which anyone requires compensation. And if your husband wants to join you, so be it. Your holiday experience doesn't get any better in their presence. Why subject yourself for misery any further? The other option is to begin creating your own celebratory/holiday experiences, and supplement your parties with a visit to them.
In the future, take them in small doses, like any other poison. There is nothing more to get out of this experience.
My inlaws hate me too .you guys please listen to this . They never said anything good about our marriage since we been married after 8 years. I'm never invited any where near them if I am , then they act like they don't won't me around. There has been times that they have came to my house and didn't even acknowledge me. Most of the time if I say or comment on something , I get a dirty look, and my wife is intimidated by her mom so she acts like she doesn't see nothing . That's just the tip of the ice berg . Just wondering what I should do.
You can't do anything about their rudeness or wanting to do things with you.
BUT, in your house? YOUR rules. If they cannot be polite then they can not come over.
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My inlaws hate me too .you guys please listen to this . They never said anything good about our marriage since we been married after 8 years. I'm never invited any where near them if I am , then they act like they don't won't me around. There has been times that they have came to my house and didn't even acknowledge me. Most of the time if I say or comment on something , I get a dirty look, and my wife is intimidated by her mom so she acts like she doesn't see nothing . That's just the tip of the ice berg . Just wondering what I should do.
First thing to do is to talk to your wife about why they might not like you. Ask her if they did this with previous guys she was with. Find out if there is something about your that irritates them.
Get a book called "Crucial Conversations:Toots for Talking When the Stakes are High" and read it. Then talk to her family about this.
My in-laws did not like me at first but they were always (almost) polite.
Unless he molested children or something there is no excuse for their behavior, especially in his house.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
My inlaws hate me too .you guys please listen to this . They never said anything good about our marriage since we been married after 8 years. I'm never invited any where near them if I am , then they act like they don't won't me around. There has been times that they have came to my house and didn't even acknowledge me. Most of the time if I say or comment on something , I get a dirty look, and my wife is intimidated by her mom so she acts like she doesn't see nothing . That's just the tip of the ice berg . Just wondering what I should do.
Well I have been in the situation a few times with inlaws that hate me. If your spouse does not take up for you and let their family know it won't be tolerated, then the relationship is doomed.
My in-laws seem to hate me, but for reasons I can't figure out. When my husband has asked them why, they don't give an answer. He told his mom "You seem to hate her, and she loves you guys even after some of the things you have said to her." Her only response was "Well those are your words", which basically led me to believe she does hate me but will never explain why. I'm curious how others have dealt with this, as its hard to be around people that I know can't stand me and for reasons I'll never understand.
You will have to bite your tongue when around them and hopefully it won't be too often. If a person chooses to be a jerk to you, you have to either put up with it or not. Ignore them, something is wrong with them, not you. They sound like toxic people who you don't need to be around. There are situations where there is no way to win. Maybe try killing them with kindness. Or have your husband tell them that all he wants from them for the Holidays is that they try to be nice to you. Maybe if you have kids things will change. My father's mother didn't particularly like my mother at one point, but as they each got older they got past it and were fine together.
You have to know or have a clue as to the reason why they don't like you. Regardless, if they are set in their ways and want to be unreasonable, tell your husband you feel uncomfortable around them and see what happens.
My inlaws hate me too .you guys please listen to this . They never said anything good about our marriage since we been married after 8 years. I'm never invited any where near them if I am , then they act like they don't won't me around. There has been times that they have came to my house and didn't even acknowledge me. Most of the time if I say or comment on something , I get a dirty look, and my wife is intimidated by her mom so she acts like she doesn't see nothing . That's just the tip of the ice berg . Just wondering what I should do.
I would tell them to get out of my house. Life is too short to put up with childish behavior. I can't walk on eggshells around people who want me too. Do not disrespect me in my own home.
Treat them as you would anyone regardless of how they treat you.
That doesn't mean you sit their and allow them to walk all over you, but it doesn't mean you go looking for fights either.
One day those people will be grandparents to your children if you choose to have them, it's up to you to establish your boundaries with them and let them know where the lines are drawn.
You can Stand up for yourself without resorting to the same type of behaviors you are given.
Ultimately that's what will separate "you" from "them"
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