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Well he told me he gave up his license because he almost hit a child when he was driving in the snow/ice a few years ago. So, he decided not to drive anymore. But I also know he has a history of seizures.
We didnt get married right away because he was still "legally" married to his ex-wife. She left him 15 years ago and he doesn't know where she is. But - he never even applied for the divorce. But now he says that is what he was going to do.
Also, at one point he gave me his word that we would move to KY to make a life, just a couple of months ago - since all that I was doing there wasnt working. But when it came down to it, he decided he didnt want to do that anymore. He just thinks the USA is unsafe. But, where I live in KY is way more safe than where we were living in Canada.
Selena, I think you actually have dodged a very painful bullet with this man...I know it hurts your heart, but you are going to be better off with him out of your life. Best of luck to you.
Selena, I think you actually have dodged a very painful bullet with this man...I know it hurts your heart, but you are going to be better off with him out of your life. Best of luck to you.
I would agree - best of luck going forward and rebuilding your relationships with your kids Selena!
There are exceptions to every rule, so it does happen - but the odds are against it. There's a reason it takes a male and female to procreate - because a child needs both a mother and father, and yes, I realize things "happen" and having both is not always possible. I'm just saying its the ideal to strive for to give a kid the best chance at a successful life.
You are forgetting that it takes a man and a woman to make a kid, but in the presence of a whole neighborhood only a kid can be raised. It takes friends, parents of friends, neighbors, the people in the park and schools, teachers and influential people to make an impact.
I was raised by a mom who got divorced by her husband, my dad. He really wasn't a significant part of my life until I graduated college in Aeronautical engineering with a major in journalism.
My dad said that he thanks god every day that me and my three siblings ended up alright without him as a good role model, and he feels really bad about that.
So NO, it does NOT require both parents to raise a kid, so long as their environment is good.
You are forgetting that it takes a man and a woman to make a kid, but in the presence of a whole neighborhood only a kid can be raised. It takes friends, parents of friends, neighbors, the people in the park and schools, teachers and influential people to make an impact.
I was raised by a mom who got divorced by her husband, my dad. He really wasn't a significant part of my life until I graduated college in Aeronautical engineering with a major in journalism.
My dad said that he thanks god every day that me and my three siblings ended up alright without him as a good role model, and he feels really bad about that.
So NO, it does NOT require both parents to raise a kid, so long as their environment is good.
I didn't say it was a "requirement" , I said it was the ideal to strive for.
I'm 35 years old. I have two children. One is 18 and the other is 14. I divorced their father - it was final this year. But about a year ago I met a man that I believe to be the true love of my life. He is 44. He also has a daughter that is 16. The problem - he lives in Canada and I live in Kentucky.
I decided after discussing with my kids and meeting him and spending time with him that I wanted to move to Canada to be with him. We planned on getting married. My daughter decided since she was of age that she didnt want to move there. My son decided that he would move there with me, then he changed his mind and decided he would rather stay in Kentucky with his other family and his Dad.
We wanted this to work out so badly. We both feel as if we are each others soul mate.
One problem is that I dont feel right about going to Canada with my kids and all my family here. But he doesnt want to leave Canada because he feels like it is a better country - safer and better opportunities than the USA.
I have been given advice from family and friends and its all conflicting. I can't make my kids move - I want them to be happy.
For the first time in 15 years I am truly happy with this man.
I would love for him and his daughter to move here with me, just until my son gets a little older.
I have tried staying in Canada, I came back to visit often, but this too is hard on all of us.
I have been out of work for about 6 months and I finally have a job opportunity in Kentucky and would like to work here and at least build up some funds.
But he doesnt want me to do that. He wants me to come back right away and we will get married in the Spring. At which time I would be able to work there.
When I told him I would like to work here for a few months, he said I just lost my man. http://pics3.city-data.com/forum/images/icons/icon9.gif
Im so sad, hurt, disappointed, torn....any advice someone could give would be greatful.
Selena
Ah hell, givin' up the good ole' U. S. of A. for a Canuck?
Alright, sure, why not. I mean, love crosses all boundaries, right? Besides, I couldn't resist a good dig at all those great Canadians out there..
So, listen, if you love this man, and he loves you, then hell, by all means, go for it. You only get one chance in life, so why not make the most of it?
....but, realize that if you do, there's going to be consequences. Of course, there's always consequences to every action, but some are more damning than others.
Here's what I want you to do. Sit down and write out all of the positives and negatives of pursuing this relationship. To start off, try to look at things from a practical standpoint.
First, he lives in another country. We know he's a good guy, and that he'll take care of you, but what things are there that exist outside of that? What is travel like? What's the economy like? In other words, just for a moment, pretend that you're just moving there on your own - would you be able to live by yourself there - both financially and emotionally? The reason that I mention this is simple. Sometimes, things just don't work out - no matter how hard you try. You must be able to take care of yourself and be independent before you can be in a relationship - or at least have the capabilities of doing so.
Ok, so you've decided that you can survive there by yourself, now bring your kids into the picture. How well would they relate to such a drastic change of environment. You said that your daughter is of legal age, so she can do as she wishes.. but, your son is only 14. This is an age where boys really start to become men, and they need a lot of guidance in their lives. I don't know how the father is, but this is something you may want to think about. If there is a way to work things out, then again, follow your heart. Your son may spend winters in the US, and summers in Canada, or however you can work it.. There are options. But, beyond that, how would your son feel? When he came to live with you, is he going to be more of an outcast because he simply doesn't fit in, or will he adapt and have just as many friends as he does here? Social interaction is huge at that age, and that's something you really have to watch out for.
Good, yup, so you think that you and your children will be fine. What now?
Well, it's time to really think about this guy that you're going to go live with. You've known him for a year - but out of that year, how much time have you really spent with him in person? How well do you really know him? Look, a lot of people rush into things just based off of their perception of reality. If you are confident that this person is who he says he is, and you're confident that things won't change over time, then sure, go get 'em.. But, since this is such a drastic change, if there's any sliver of doubt.. well, might as well stay home and look for greener pastures.
The bottom line is this: No matter what you decide, your first obligation is to yourself and your family. There are other men out there, so don't feel like you have to go for this guy just because he seems to have everything you want.. Instead, make sure that this is really what you want, and then make a decision from there. You don't want to end up in a situation where there's no way out.
I wish the best for you... just take your time and really think about things.
I think a teenage boy, especially at that age, needs to have both parents actively in their lives whenever possible. And in this case, it's possible (his father isn't a missing deadbeat, dead, unknown, etc.). His father may have been a bad husband, but he's still that boy's father, and his role in his son's life at this stage can be critical to his development.
Yes, it's standard for kids to do and go where their parents tell them to, but the parents need to make sure that those moves aren't ultimately more detrimental than beneficial. And removing a boy from full access to his father at 14 isn't good parenting IMO, the only exception being if he's being physically and/or verbally abused. Traipsing off to another country to follow your "heart" and, I'm sorry to be so crass, "genitals", isn't in the best interest of a minor child whose father and extended family are still in his life, and from whom he'd be separated for lengthy periods if he were to be moved.
And all the new little tidbits we keep getting about this guy are the proof in the pudding that this whole "love of my life" crap should never take precedence over raising your children. Love can be very, very blind and very, very wrong. And I don't say this as a bitter woman who's been hurt by love. I'm a very happily married woman who actually found the love of my life in another country.
Stay home, get a job, take care of your son. Keep your priorities in order.
We know he's a good guy, and that he'll take care of you. . .
Have you been reading a different thread than the rest of us?
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, I said it was the ideal to strive for.
