Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have this friend, and we'll call him TJ. He's 28, single, and is fairly good looking. A few months back he signed up on that Plenty of Fish dating site. For about the first week or two, it didn't go well, he wasn't drawing much interest. Then one day he gets a message from this girl who's 24 and by the way her message read, she appeared to be very interested. Now he doesn't have much experience in online dating plus he wanted me to help screen potential dates since I can read people pretty well, so he would let me read all correspondence on the site, and in IM between him and this girl.
I'll try and make this short, so anyway the days and weeks go by and they really start to bond. They have much in common and can't seem to get enough of each other. My first impression of this girl was good, she's in a Ph.D program studying psychology and wants to be a therapist. She seemed articulate, fun, and pretty genuine. It seemed all good, but through their correspondence I came across what I thought were a few really big red flags. He was telling her how sweet she seemed to be to him and she replied "Thanks, I really am, but never get on my bad side. If you do that, I'll make your life a living hell." She was serious when she said this. TJ asked her "Why do you say that?" She explained that a few of her ex's hurt her and that's why she said that.
On to red flag #2...one day he was asking her for some reason how attractive she thought he was. She said he was really cute and then she asked him how attractive he thought she was. He replied "You're really cute too." Her reply to that was "That's it? Just cute?" He said "Yes, it's a good enough compliment I think." She comes back and says " Listen, I'm hot...VERY hot. Any guy who's ever dated me said I was a 10, so I'm a bit offended that you just think I'm really cute." She was being serious when she said that too. Well, I saw the pics she had posted up on her profile, and the best I would give her would be a solid 7 or 7.5 b/c she was pretty cute, but there's no way she's another Jessica Alba, a swimsuit model, or anything like that. This girl is simply not a 10, my wife even agreed lol.
OK, red flag #3...they were having a conversation about how many sexual partners they have had in the past. He was honest with her and told her he had been with 8 girls. When it was her turn to tell him, I read the number and my jaw immediately hit the floor. The first word that came to my mind was...SKANK lol. She explained to him that her last relationship in which she was engaged to this guy was terrible & that she went all promiscuous to feel better after it was over and also to make her ex jealous. She said it was over & that she got it out of her system.
Red flag #4...he asked her if she had been having much luck on pof and she told him "Well I've been on here for around a year and a half now and have met at least 50 people, but I've never found anyone who's relationship material, and that's what I'm looking for." I thought to myself that surely someone could find one decent person out of 50 for a relationship.
My friend is absolutely enthralled with this girl and has put her high up on a pedestal. They both tell each other that they are soulmates and are destined to be together. She gives him a lot of attention and texts him a lot to tell him she's thinking of him and that she misses him. As time goes by he tells her he's ready to meet her. He tells me the same thing and asks me what I think. I'm concerned about him, so I tell him straight up that I think that there's something really wrong with this girl & that he should just pass her by. He asks why I think that and I explain the red flags to him and tell him that she could possibly be a narcissist and at worst a sociopath. He gets angry and says "You're overreacting, and besides, you're no psychiatrist." It's true that I'm not, but I've dealt with narcissists and sociopaths before and she possesses just about every trait of those that I have come across in the past.
He says they only plan to meet briefly for coffee for their first meeting & that's all, but it doesn't take very long for a narcissist or a sociopath to "hook" you. This girl just seems way to charming if you know what I mean. I'm not sure what to do, my gut tells me to stop him from meeting her, but then again I'm not his father, I can't exactly stop him. Given everything that I have described, what would you all do?
Wow. I think you're reading this correctly. Unfortunately, your friend is thinking with his little head, and not his big head. He's too close to be objective about this.
All you can do is tell him your misgivings, and let him do his thing. Then be there when the pieces fall.
Although I do understand your concern for your friends well being, I don't know that you can actually tell him not to meet her. He needs to experience and live his own life.
He's a big boy, let him make his own mistake(s) and besides that's probably his type anyway, afterall having you do his IMs for him doesn't shout independence.
They should have met weeks ago - it would have saved him several weeks of wasted time getting to know this girl. I have a feeling, when he sees her in person, he's going to be disappointed. She won't even have to bring the "crazy".
Let him go on a few dates with her. He can determine whether or not they are a good match on his own. Some folks you just can't reach, they have learn the hard way. When and if this all blows up in his face, try to keep the "I told you so's" to a minimum. Sounds like he just needs some more real life experience with women, and this can be a good opportunity for him to learn/grow a bit. If he chooses to go out with her, try to be supportive, because if by a longshot things work out between them, he'll remember (and possibly share with her) all the bad things you said about her.
I think you need to stay out of it. People need to make their own mistakes and learn their own lessons or else they will never learn. Not saying this is a mistake, because really who knows, but if it is, he will know what to look out for next time, instead of having to run to you.
Sadly, there's no way to convince a guy to ditch a girl when there's a strong possibility of sex.
See, it's girls like that that give the rest of us a bad name. She's bad news, but sometimes it takes dating bad news to figure it out. Just don't let him propose to her any time soon.
Dont even need a red flag 2 or 3 to tell your boy to stop. I mean this is enough for me
""Thanks, I really am, but never get on my bad side"
Id next her right then and there.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
