What's your opinion? - No Child Haters Please (male, divorce, daughter)
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Like many men who are responsible, he was giving the relationship time to see whether it would work out before committing to something permanent. Perhaps she sensed that he was not enamoured with where it was going and tried to force a premature decision. Then later he found the right woman and was now ready for kids.
Too bad she used this to try to entrap him. Just another example of how bad it is for good men now days. All the responsibility and absolutely no control.
I suppose that he could be like me and have no sex with them - since I didn't want them to think I just used them. Of course, then he would be at best be considered "odd" and perhaps far worse.
I think some of the women on this thread are being too hard on this guy. Look, he was probably having sex with a woman he didn't want to marry. Is that a crime? Do women not do this too? As the OP has stated, he's a stand-up guy. He was straight up with her on this. He said he was not ready for marriage or children at that point in time. Isn't that just a nice way of saying, "Um, you're not my dream mate, and I don't think I'm desperate enough to settle for you right now."
Again, is this so wrong? The woman picked up on his less than enthusiastic feelings for her and decided he was the best she could do, so she'd just go ahead and decide for them to have a baby. This guy isn't a sucker. She was trying to coerce him into a long-term relationship. He didn't play that game. Sure, he takes care of his legal obligation (child support), but he's not going to let her dictate the terms of his life to him.
It's a little weird for me to relate to a man who has a child in the world he doesn't have much affection for, but I can't really condemn him either. He pays child support. A lot of men would be bitter and sulky and tell "that b*tch" stories in his situation and find reasons not to pay. He doesn't do that. He should have been more careful about birth control. He seems to acknowledge that and he takes care of his legal duties.
Does this have to be a life sentence for him though? Does this condemn him to a life spent with a woman he doesn't love? Are you all really comfortable with her deception?
I think some of the women on this thread are being too hard on this guy. Look, he was probably having sex with a woman he didn't want to marry. Is that a crime? Do women not do this too? As the OP has stated, he's a stand-up guy. He was straight up with her on this. He said he was not ready for marriage or children at that point in time. Isn't that just a nice way of saying, "Um, you're not my dream mate, and I don't think I'm desperate enough to settle for you right now."
Again, is this so wrong? The woman picked up on his less than enthusiastic feelings for her and decided he was the best she could do, so she'd just go ahead and decide for them to have a baby. This guy isn't a sucker. She was trying to coerce him into a long-term relationship. He didn't play that game. Sure, he takes care of his legal obligation (child support), but he's not going to let her dictate the terms of his life to him.
It's a little weird for me to relate to a man who has a child in the world he doesn't have much affection for, but I can't really condemn him either. He pays child support. A lot of men would be bitter and sulky and tell "that b*tch" stories in his situation and find reasons not to pay. He doesn't do that. He should have been more careful about birth control. He seems to acknowledge that and he takes care of his legal duties.
Does this have to be a life sentence for him though? Does this condemn him to a life spent with a woman he doesn't love? Are you all really comfortable with her deception?
No one said he should have anything to do with the woman. We are talking about the child.
No one said he should have anything to do with the woman. We are talking about the child.
Right, but that's a really slippery slope, isn't it? How is he going to have a relatoinship with the child and not the child's mother? What do you recommend he do? This situation is all or nothing... he could fight for full custody (which I'm sure he wouldn't get .. and he shouldn't .. the boy needs his mother) or he could do what he's been doing ... pay child support and go on about his life.
Does this have to be a life sentence for him though?
Yes it should, for both the man and woman, not just in this situation, but all situations where consenual sex takes place. It's called being a responsible adult and taking responsibility for your actions.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WestCobb
Does this condemn him to a life spent with a woman he doesn't love?
Nobody, at least not me, said he had to stay with her or marry her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WestCobb
Are you all really comfortable with her deception?
No, not at all, she is scum of the earth for what she did. But that doesn't change the fact that a child is here now, and it is not this child's fault.
Right, but that's a really slippery slope, isn't it? How is he going to have a relatoinship with the child and not the child's mother? What do you recommend he do? This situation is all or nothing... he could fight for full custody (which I'm sure he wouldn't get .. and he shouldn't .. the boy needs his mother) or he could do what he's been doing ... pay child support and go on about his life.
I'm sorry but that is incredibly selfish. That child didn't choose his situation, that child didn't choose for his Dad to not take initiative to make sure there was back up birth control or that the man was boinking some woman he didn't want a long term relationship with. It's all a bunch of BS.
Right, but that's a really slippery slope, isn't it? How is he going to have a relatoinship with the child and not the child's mother? What do you recommend he do? This situation is all or nothing... he could fight for full custody (which I'm sure he wouldn't get .. and he shouldn't .. the boy needs his mother) or he could do what he's been doing ... pay child support and go on about his life.
Seriously? I know LOTS of men who are estranged from their wives, or in this case GF, and still see their child on the weekends or whenever it's agreed upon.
You know.. it's the men who feel for the man and the women who feel for the child. what's up with that?
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