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Location: somewhere close to Tampa, but closer to the beach
2,035 posts, read 5,036,650 times
Reputation: 1099
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wolfpacker
What exactly is it that you deserve and why do you deserve it?
i deserve: a loving wife who loves herself..because i am a loving person who loves himself..and has alot of love to share with her
A woman who takes care of herself..because i take care of myself...because it is important to both of us..laziness is an unacceptable excuse in 2010..documented health reasons are acceptable..
A woman who has standards..because i have standards..and expects her to have standards of me.. because it is important for people to have standards, within reason of course..
A woman who doesn't abuse herself by, using drugs, being promiscuous, emotionally, physically, or mentally abusive..
A woman with a healthy self esteem..because i have a healthy self esteem..notice i did not say perfect..mine isn't..and i am sure hers is not either..
Part of us coming together is to teach one another to be more confident in the things we might not be as confident in as each of us would like to be..
A woman who has been through alot..and understands someone who has also been through alot..who loves the person who made it through, challenged, and overcame the demons they may have faced..just as i would love and respect everything she has overcome..
A woman who desires a man, who is a man..not a little boy..who expects of a man..to be motivated, driven, ambitious, and a man who stands up for what he believes in...not just stands on the sidelines or just agrees with everyone else..just to avoid rocking the boat.. these are things i expect of her as well.. I don't want someone who lacks integrity..who i can't respect as a person..
I deserve a positive person..because i am a positive person...and are only attracted to or by positive women/ friends and such...I would hope to god that she would only desire a positive partner..not someone who thinks negatively of themselves or others.. not someone who is into self destructive behavior.. Life is wayy too short then to want a part of anything like this...and this is exactly what i DON'T deserve.. and no, i am not entitled to anything i deserve..i have worked for it
Sex and The City and online dating (as useful as a tool it is) is the worst thing to happen to dating. So many girls/women think they deserve a top guy and are worthy of being that girl.
The problem is a "Top Guy" (whatever that means exactly) is in limited supply. The Top Guy will either a) not settle down and date/sleep with other women because he can b) Go after "Top girls" (Being "hot" isn't just enough these days), which are in rare supply as well.
This has been a big problem since at least the 1970s - long before SATC and online dating.
Its a combination of the pill allowing women to more agressively pursue superficially attractive men and the women's movement telling them about "all the abusers" who they typically characterize as poor, ugly and "lacking in confidence".
Ever since then, men who looked to the future and made sacrifices to get there have been tarred with this brush when the fact is, they needed to do this because they were not born with looks and money. For this they are tagged with the creepy label.
Such men were the bedrock of society and had the strongest marriages until everything changed around 1970. Many of the couples from this era are perplexed as to why their children have made such a mess of their marriages.
I wonder how happy your wife will be to hear that...
So women can't be realistic and must live in a fantasy world?
I suppose that next you'll say thatmen must be MORE realistic. This is certainly a common thought posted on these sites although seldom stated as clearly.
Part of the problem is the social circle you belong to. Too many of us look at our partners as a way of comparing ourselves to others. You see your friend with someone really great and think, "why should I settle for a partner who isn't as attractive?" Maybe you're in a community where you're worried about what people will think of you. Everyone else is marrying doctors, lawyers, etc. so now you feel pressure to match that. Peer pressure is a dangerous thing. Too many people may find a great person, but reject them because they're worried what their friends or family will think. That peer pressure also comes from shows like Sex & the City. That show managed to convince so many women to raise their standards, sometimes to levels that no person could ever match. To accept anything less would risk making you look desperate and pathetic. And as someone pointed out earlier, online dating has enabled people to pickier. Now you can eliminate people with a click of a button. Since the pool of possibilities seems so huge, you figure there's less risk in rejecting someone who's only 80% of what you want.
There's also a double standard that emerges when you get older. A guy in his 50s who's successful can get involved with a woman in her 30s. But if a 50 year old woman does the same thing, people start making cougar jokes.
Yes, if he accompanies you to something you like but he doesn't care for, you should accompany him to something he likes as well. For one to expect the other to accompany them and not to give back will create problems.
Do you have the glasses with tape and matching pocket protector?
j/k
Different strokes for different folks, bobs! For me, it's imperative that my partner be intelligent and able to discuss something other than monster trucks and action flicks. He has to have a good sense of humor; has to be well groomed; has to know how to behave at a nice restaurant. Also has to be able to lighten up and be casual and simply enjoy being. And, yes, has to be good a good lover or willing to learn. Looks come after all of the above.
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