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I wouldn't tell my SO that they "NEED" to lose weight. It is their choice. But I'd encourage them to engage in healthier behaviors. Anytime you tell somebody they need to lose weight (or anything else) usually it backfires; the person gains a bunch of weight instead. It's better to help and encourage. But there is a time when patience runs out.
My husband always asks me, "So when are you going to work out?" That is kind of annoying, haha... I get the point! But it doesn't make me want to work out more. Though I know what I have to do...
I would make broiled chicken, and salad for dinner, and he would go out and get three big macs and bring home a half gallon of ice cream. He had a choice. I could not stand it and left.
So you left your husband because he was fat and wouldnt do anything about it? Okay.
This my friends, is a prime example of some of the differences between men and women when it comes to obesity and relationships. She left her husband because he was fat and wouldnt do anything about it. If some guy would post and say he left his wife for the same reason, all the fat women on this board would be all over him. Why is that?
I left because he had a serious medical condition, and choose to ignore the consequences of his actions on his health. I did not want to spend my life taking care of someone who made a conscious choice to ignore his health problems. You don't know the frustration of being with someone who does not care about health. We went to counseling. I don't know if he was depressed, or passive-aggressive, or in denial or what...but I tried to help him, and did not want to watch him kill himself with fried chicken, ice cream, and Big Macs. Those are choices. Eating unhealthy food is a choice.
If two people are in a relationship together weight if it becomes an issue should be discussed openly because it is a bigger thing than just how one person looks. It can create health issues that can lead to impairments and death, it can have an impact on a couples sex life. I think both those issues are the business of the spouse.
My husband is overweight and carries it in his abdomen. He did have a heart attack before he was 40. I'm terrified because he won't get this weight off. I feel like I am living with a ticking timebomb and I can't stand it. I can't get it through his head that while it might be unpleasant to work to lose weight and unpleasant to not be able to just eat any odd thing, that dead is dead and you don't get to come back.
I left because he had a serious medical condition, and choose to ignore the consequences of his actions on his health. I did not want to spend my life taking care of someone who made a conscious choice to ignore his health problems. You don't know the frustration of being with someone who does not care about health. We went to counseling. I don't know if he was depressed, or passive-aggressive, or in denial or what...but I tried to help him, and did not want to watch him kill himself with fried chicken, ice cream, and Big Macs. Those are choices. Eating unhealthy food is a choice.
I totally understand and would have done the same thing you did. Although Ive never been with someone who was not into their health/fitness, I know I would be EXTREMELY fustrated with someone like that and would leave them.
I would make it about "us" being healthier.... "us" going to the gym together, ME wanting someone to come with me to the gym etc..... then they wouldn't feel so on the spot and embarrassed..... being told you are fat makes you feel helpless and eat more etc.... it never helped me, it made me depressed and then I just got a lot worse before I ever got better.
It really depends on finding what works best for YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE. Doesnt matter what the heck anyone outside of your marriage thinks about what you say, how you say it, when you say, etc. All that matters is that is WORKS for YOU and your SPOUSE.
My wife would say things to me like:
Are you pregnant?
Trying to become a fat cow dog?
I'll say to her:
Hey Gilbert Grape's mom.
Are you going for the cottage cheese in the pants pocket look?
These are all said in a light hearted sort of way, but we both get the message the other is sending on how we need to get back to what is important for ourselves and our family - STAYING HEALTHY.
I think it's perfectly fine to talk to someone close to you about weight. The key is wanting the person to be healthy when their weight is unnatural and completely out of proportion to their body. What's a problem is when you want them to have a body that isn't normal for them. A big person is not necessarily an unhealthy person. And not every woman is going to be a size 6. Many people are fine with a some pudge on them and don't need to loose weight just to look better to other people. It's a fine line.
I think it's perfectly fine to talk to someone close to you about weight. The key is wanting the person to be healthy when their weight is unnatural and completely out of proportion to their body. What's a problem is when you want them to have a body that isn't normal for them. A big person is not necessarily an unhealthy person. And not every woman is going to be a size 6. Many people are fine with a some pudge on them and don't need to loose weight just to look better to other people. It's a fine line.
Exactly. My ex used to make snide comments about my weight, or rather my size. I'm a woman who is 6'1, I'll never be 5'4 and weigh 100 lbs and he just never quite came to grips with that. I'm well within my healthy weight range and I'm working on toning up, but he always had a mean comment about me which really didn't give me the motivation to work out that he thought it should.
He would stop me in the middle of ordering at a restaurant and order for me (because what HE ordered was healthier for me) and would make comments like 'make sure that chair is re-enforced before you sit down'. He thought it was funny because I'm tall and 'big' but didn't quite get the difference between being 'fat' and being 'tall'. He thought they were interchangeable.
There is a tactful, and a mean way to mention losing weight to a significant other.
I see no problem is telling someone they're overweight if it's endangering their health, but it's how you express your opinion is all.If it's meant/said in a mean spirited way then no it's best to keep your shut.
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