Need advice on how to cut someone out of your life (girls, younger)
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So I have this situation with a girl I know and I'm curious how you guys think I should handle it.
We met about a year ago. At first, things went really well for us. We started out hanging out as friends. Our relationship slowly progressed into a romantic one, and that's when it started going downhill. I'm a 24 year old guy and I consider myself very mature for my age. She is a few months younger than me, but her maturity level is nowhere close to mine. She frequently portrays herself as a HS drama queen.
Let me give you a few examples of things she does and maybe you'll get what I'm saying.
Whenever we go to the bar together and she has a couple drinks, she insists on talking to other guys (very rarely other girls). At first, I didn't think much of it. But then it became a habit. She'd have a drink or two, then wander off to find some guy to talk to. She always wants me to tag along, but the conversation ends up being primarily between her and the other dude. It's as if she wants to flaunt the conversation between her and this other guy. Eventually, this habit wore thin on me and I let her know it. She got all emotional and tried to make me out as some jealous guy with major insecurities.
After any sort of intimate moment, she starts having a panic attack. I won't get into too many details, but the other night we were sleeping in my bed. I was awoken around 3am to find her pacing around in my room. I asked her what was wrong and she didn't really answer. She just laid down beside me for a few minutes before she got up again and went home.
She also has a tendency of completely killing the moment when things are starting to get hot and heavy. For example, we'll be making out and right in the middle of it, she'll start talking about how she's seriously considering moving back across country to live with her family. Well, right then and there we stop what we're doing and the night is over. Part of me thinks her maturity level has a lot to do with this. I feel like she has the mentality of a 12 year old girl, where the idea of intimacy is scary for her.
Anyways, at this point, I figure it's just best to phase her out. Ever since our relationship became romantic, I've been miserable being around her. I haven't been initiating any text messages for the past few weeks. She still texts me, but usually my responses are brief and our conversations don't last long (how are you?...I'm good...the end). We haven't hung out for a couple weeks now. Do you guys think this is the best way to handle this? Will she get the point if I don't text or call her anymore? Do you consider this to be rude? If so, what do you suggest I do?
Take it from someone who has been in your shoes... I say get rid of her. you seem to be dealing with someone who has emotional and immaturity issues. This will only get worse, not better. The immaturity can lead her to lash out in all kinds of impulsive and unexpected ways. Lose her before she lashes out on you and you become the brunt of it. I let my bad situation go on for a long time and still wear the scars. Get out before it gets too deep...
Sounds to me like she wants her cake and the ability to eat it, too (when you both go out together and she talks to random other guys).
Has she had sexual abuse in her background?
I hope for your sake she's been using birth control.
I'd keep the texts short, don't under any circumstances initiate any other texts, phone calls, dates.
If she wants to know why in the future you guys aren't doing anything together, you'll have to tell her then and there that's it's over.
Regarding the sexual abuse, I can't be sure, but I think she may have hinted towards it before. She didn't want to talk about it. If that's true, I think it could be a big factor in how things are playing out. I just wish I could be of some help rather than push her away to fulfill my own selfish needs. I guess I'll leave it to the professionals, if it every comes to that.
I think for what she did mean to you at one time, you owe the courtesy of at least making a call and formally ostracising her.
Just disappearing is low.
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