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I was a single mom for several years and never fell into many of the stereotypes being listed on this forum. I have a high school diploma, not GED, AND I completed college in four years! I supported myself when I was a single mother, no government assistance~and that was prior to my college degree. I certainly didn't sleep around more because I was a single mother. As a matter of fact, I became so picky that I would date guys for months and never sleep with them. I never had a problem getting a date and I was able to keep my standards high! And while there were some guys who wouldn't date me because I was a single mom, it never bothered me. I didn't want anyone "trying out" the single mom situation just to see if it would work. To each his/her own and if the OP doesn't want to date a single mother then fine, but that doesn't mean that ALL single mothers should get the bad rep their getting!
Here are some more of the stats listed in that article about single parents and the section on women that supports what you are saying. (since people don't open it and read it). PLEASE NOTE: The information provided is relative to the 'CUSTODIAL' parent. That is the parent the child or children lives with and only mildly addresses in places stats on single parents in general.
According to Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2007, released by the U.S. Census Bureau in November, 2009, there are approximately 13.7 million single parents in the United States today, and those parents are responsible for raising 21.8 million children (approximately 26% of children under 21 in the U.S. today).
So what's the "average" single parent really like? According to the U.S. Census Bureau...
She is a Mother:
Approximately 84% of custodial parents are mothers, and
16% of custodial parents are fathers
She is Divorced or Separated:
Of the mothers who are custodial parents:(Here are your stats Not A Redneck)
45% are currently divorced or separated
34.2% have never been married
19% are married (In most cases, these numbers represent women who have remarried.)
1.7% were widowed
Of the fathers who are custodial parents:
57.8% are divorced or separated
20.9% have never married
20% are currently married (In most cases, these numbers represent men who have remarried.)
Fewer than 1% were widowed
She is Employed:
79.5% of custodial single mothers are gainfully employed
49.8% work full time, year round
29.7% work part-time or part-year
90% of custodial single fathers are gainfully employed
71.7% work full time, year round
18.4% work part-time or part-year
She and Her Children Do Not Live in Poverty:
27% of custodial single mothers and their children live in poverty
12.9% of custodial single fathers and their children live in poverty
She Does Not Receive Public Assistance:
Among custodial single mothers:
22% receive Medicaid
23.5% receive food stamps
12% receive some form of public housing or rent subsidy
I've visited some of the local dating sites in the past week and there is a shocking amt of single mothers out there.
Sad thing is most will have a difficult time finding a future partner due to the whole baggage social stigma.
I can't imagine how tuff it must be for them.
I can only speak for myself but if other men out there even think remotely the way I do then a single women has very little prospects to chose from.
In my case I could never get involved w/ a single mom, from the outstart there would be concerns over the ex being around, or not paying child support and I having to support another mans kid. Then there is the fact that she would already have 1 child so it would diminish our options to have a big family of our own, as I would imagine she wouldn't want to have that many children only to be left again (or the fear of it happening again I should say).
What should they do, should single men w/ no kids give them a shot/
I assumed that you would be forthright with me knowing my stance on the issue....I was wrong and unsuspecting of your calculated deception.
Guess you fell into the same trap all the unsuspecting "biological failures" did in assuming their mate would be forthright and not deceptive. Easy to do, isnt it.
Guess you fell into the same trap all the unsuspecting "biological failures" did in assuming their mate would be forthright and not deceptive. Easy to do, isnt it.
Hi 2mares,
I suppose everyone who has seen this will now calculate the odds of having an honest conversation with a "conversational failure", and many will move on. Looks like the trap was for you. That is a perfect demonstration of why there is something known as stigma. You now have the intentionally deceptive stigma.
Guess you fell into the same trap all the unsuspecting "biological failures" did in assuming their mate would be forthright and not deceptive. Easy to do, isnt it.
considering that there is no biological merit at stake, there is no possible way for biological failure to enter the picture. With so little at stake in having a city-data dialogue, I presumed you to be a logical, educated person capable of allowing your message to be rooted in intelligence and transparency..and truthfully -- with so little at stake, I can afford not to care one way or the other. Ill probably presume the next person online is actually who they say they are too...if it turns out that they were lying as well, so be it -- no skin off my back.
If children were mere "gotcha" moments as your slight of the hand to me proved to be, the point of your deceitful tactic would stand and this discussion about single mothers wouldnt be so lengthy. But as I stated earlier, one way or the other the element of time would have revealed the truth anyway. You proved me right, and it didnt even take long. But many single mothers cant even wait for their partners true character to reaveal itself, as I did, before popping out children.
My mistake was in assuming your character, especially in such a minor undertaking, was regulated by ethics. You're right, I was naive and I certainly wont make the mistake of giving credence to any of your posts again.
Im sure its perfectly logical in some places to lie for the sake of gaining the advantage in an small argument, but in this instance it only killed the credibility of the arguer. I realize now that you were likely also being untruthful when you said that you never accepted money from the govt. nor any man to help you support your children. Clearly you arent a widow either. Heck you probably dont even have children. Nothing you say has any credibility anymore...I guess we'll have to go our separate ways. Thank goodness we didnt have children together. If we did, you would be a single mother and Id have to be their deadbeat father.
Last edited by solytaire; 04-13-2010 at 11:12 AM..
I was a single mom for several years and never fell into the stereotypes being listed on this forum. I have a high school diploma, not GED, AND I completed college in four years! I supported myself when I was a single mother, no government assistance~and that was prior to my college degree. I certainly didn't sleep around more because I was a single mother. As a matter of fact, I became so picky that I would date guys for months and never sleep with them. I never had a problem getting a date and I was able to keep my standards high! And while there were some guys who wouldn't date me because I was a single mom, it never bothered me. I didn't want anyone "trying out" the single mom situation just to see if it would work. To each his/her own and if the OP doesn't want to date a single mother then fine, but that doesn't mean that ALL single mothers should get the bad rep their getting!
You go girl. I also met some that couldn't date me because of being a single mom -with a disabled kid on top of that- but it never bothered me a bit. Their loss, not mine. I come in a package that only real men can handle.
Matters not that there is no child a risk. You see how easy it is to be deceived, intentionally or not. When two people fall in love they are in the present and not looking at some imagined child in the future or anticipating any imagined wrongs. You belittle women for assuming character in the men they fall in love with, but you not only assume someone’s character but judge them as well.
Indeed I was not being deceitful. You made assumptions about me and judged based on that assumption: you chose AND chose to have children with, a man who was unready for the commitment of fatherhood. As commendable as your efforts as a mom AND particularly as a single mom are, your mistake in selecting a father was no smaller in magnitude.
I am actually who I said I was. A single mom. I don’t believe I specified how I became a single mom. You assumed I was divorced, but either way Im the same person.
That you choose not to accept scientific research does not mean that the proof is absent..but rather indicates that you never had any intent of accepting empirical evidence of my statement from the outset. You were merely going through the motions of challenging the scientific basis of my theory and now that the challenge has been roundly met, meeting every criteria you set forth (scientific publication, academic study), you resort to hiding behind the subjective nature of semantics and the anecdotal posturing of "real life"...
fence shifting at its finest...such is the way of these amateur debates.
Roundly met? LOL. Not even close. Let's look at that first study you linked to. It says that "The men, on the other hand, reacted far more positively to children whose faces resembled their own." Does that prove that men detest or even dislike children who don't resemble them? No. All it proves is that they respond more favorably to children who look like them. Second, there's a big difference between how you respond to a picture and how you respond to someone in person. Anyone who's tried online dating has probably experienced this. You see a picture on a profile and have a certain reaction. But when you meet them in person, you may have an entirely different reaction even if the person looks exactly like their picture. Lastly, the article you linked to talks about men who were fooled into thinking someone else's child was theirs. But how is that relevant to this thread? The people choosing to date single moms already know the kids aren't theirs. And notice that the men mentioned in that article, upon discovering their child wasn't really theirs biologically, didn't stop loving that child. So much for your claim that men detest children who aren't biologically theirs.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gwynedd1
In other words, you only believe your own BS just as I surmised.
No, that sounds more like you. What I've noticed about both you and solytaire is that you start with an opinion and then go looking for whatever study you think will support it. Most people start with an open mind and then let studies inform their opinion. And as I pointed out above, solytaire cites studies that don't support his conclusion. Instead, he stretches the meaning to support his own preconceived opinion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jacktravern
Im noticing all of these single moms ranting about how they don't need a man to take care of their kid, but lets keep it real, if You and the guy move in together, the guy is gonna have to kick in and pay for some of the kids needs.
Explain that. If I move in with my girlfriend and her son, how will I be paying for his needs? What needs will I be paying for?
As a single mother I would say yes the dating scene is almost non-existant. My ex, decided almost a year into our relationship that he didn't want to have kids. So needless to say, I am taking a break from dating and focusing on being a better mom. If I meet someone than I meet someone. I will say it is easier to date guys that have kids already, cause they know how hectic life can be.
But I don't think single guys or girls should rule out dating someone with kids. Its not the kids fault that a relationship didn't work out with the parents. The kid(s) could end up being the best thing to happen in your life besides meeting the "one". I also want to say that I myself do want a big family so I wouldn't rule out that all women wouldn't want more kids. I am worried I will meet a guy that has one or two kids and doesn't want any more....Finally being a single parent is a real thing in our country and we should get over the "stigma" that has been placed on single parents.
You go girl. I also met some that couldn't date me because of being a single mom -with a disabled kid on top of that- but it never bothered me a bit. Their loss, not mine. I come in a package that only real men can handle.
You have a screwy definition of what a real man is.
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