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I'm a married guy with 2 teenage sons. BUT, I reserve my right to fantasize about single life. Sometimes I wish it were to be. I would lose 30 pounds, learn the guitar and rock on. But, with my addictive personality, I would probably go back to smoking and drinking and be dead in short order.
Why wouldn't you do it while you're married, maybe then you wouldn't be dreaming of the single life.
The reason she stated for the breakup was that since I had been unemployed for a while (9 months) she "got tired of worrying about me". Ironically 2 months after the breakup I got a nice job. I contemplated calling her and informing her about the good news, however, I heard through the grapevine that she was in a relationship that had possibly started before she left me. The grapevine has also told me recently that this new relationship was short lived and has now ended.
If there is anyone that is going to have issues in any future relationships in will surely be me.
You're still young, you still have plenty of time to meet somebody. Get involved in outdoor activities, volunteer for a charity, anything to get out of the house. Don't sit around and mope on your time off. Join a gym. Ride your bike. Go running.
The lack of a job was probably just an excuse, as apparently she was already seeing somebody else. I know you think she was the greatest woman you ever met, if you were really subjective about it and honest with yourself, you will realized that she is only human like the rest of us and had flaws like anyone else.
Better to avoid marrying someone who probably wouldn't have been happy with you, employed or not. Don't sit around and analyze the situation and wonder why, worry about improving yourself and keeping busy.
The reason she stated for the breakup was that since I had been unemployed for a while (9 months) she "got tired of worrying about me". Ironically 2 months after the breakup I got a nice job. I contemplated calling her and informing her about the good news, however, I heard through the grapevine that she was in a relationship that had possibly started before she left me. The grapevine has also told me recently that this new relationship was short lived and has now ended.
If there is anyone that is going to have issues in any future relationships in will surely be me.
This is unfortunate. It's a double standard: Any man who dumps his girlfriend for being unemployed would be impaled on this board. Stereotypes are rigidly held on by a lot of women in spite of feminism.
Before you call her, is there something to learn here? What if, down the line, after marriage and children, you got laid off? Or became disabled from an accident and couldn't work? Would she support you? You don't want someone who would grab the kids and run elsewhere, to Mommy or another guy. And initiate a heartbreaking divorce and keep the kids.
Be smart. What actions has she taken that prove herself to be an unreliable partner? That is the question you should ask before you decide to call her.
Answer it honestly. You are too old to play games, yet young enough where your life is before you and there is time to pick the right woman for you.
The feelings you have for her will be over in time. Love is not a feeling; love is a consciousness, out of which stem thoughts, feelings, words, and action. You want a woman who loves you in thought, feelings, words, and action, while you do the same for her.
I know of a woman who stuck by her newly wedded husband after he fell off the roof and broke his back 20 yrs ago, becoming a paraplegic. She stuck with him to this day because she honored her vows, even though the husband told her she was free to leave him, because he loved HER enough to want her happiness. She stayed with him.
As far as how to stay single, I'll have to answer that in a separate post as I love and enjoy being single -- so perhaps I'm biased. Singlehood to me has all the positives of being in a relationship and more, except for one thing: You don't have someone next to you to call 911 in case something happens when you are sleeping. Otherwise, it is totally doable until you start dating again.
The reason she stated for the breakup was that since I had been unemployed for a while (9 months) she "got tired of worrying about me". Ironically 2 months after the breakup I got a nice job. I contemplated calling her and informing her about the good news, however, I heard through the grapevine that she was in a relationship that had possibly started before she left me. The grapevine has also told me recently that this new relationship was short lived and has now ended.
If there is anyone that is going to have issues in any future relationships in will surely be me.
She did you a favor: Clearly the "for richer or for poorer" part wasn't going to work out.
Pursue hobbies, travel, make new friends, join a few clubs, volunteer, read a good book on a hammock on a warm, sunny day, and be thankful you didn't end up with someone who was not only callous, but a cheater. Good riddance to her!
If after 5 years of dating you did not have the foundation in the relationshp to get married or be life partners ... it may not have been love. Co-dependency, perhaps. Give it some real thought. I recommend the book, A Road Less Traveled.
At 33 you are young it will be difficult to get over this relationship, but you will. You will fall in love, but it will take time. Use that time well. Try to learn what went wrong, what didn't work in your relationship. Don't make it a list of who did what bad ... try to take an honest, objective look at the relationship. You don't want to repeat it, you want to learn from it. Don't hesitate to seek professional help ... it really can help.
Be sure to learn to like yourself and build a happy life. You can not move on to any other relationship until your life is in order. You and only you are responsible for your own happiness. Go for it, get happy ... you can do it.
Best wishes, my friend.
To the OP remind yourself how your married friends have problems. Or if one cheated on them. Listen to the relationship problems and glad you don't have to worry about it. Buy a dolphin. lol
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oceanman76
The reason she stated for the breakup was that since I had been unemployed for a while (9 months) she "got tired of worrying about me". Ironically 2 months after the breakup I got a nice job. I contemplated calling her and informing her about the good news, however, I heard through the grapevine that she was in a relationship that had possibly started before she left me. The grapevine has also told me recently that this new relationship was short lived and has now ended.
If there is anyone that is going to have issues in any future relationships in will surely be me.
Your first sentence in this paragraph......
sounds like you're better off without her.
Kind of sounds like unemployment wasn't the reason she left, it was because she was a liar and a cheat.
You are better off without her, if she truly loved you, she would have stood by you through thick and thin (for better or worse).
Live your life NOW, don't wait to be happy. I try to think of something each day that I am grateful for, no matter how SUCKISH my life is at that point, there is always something to be grateful for.
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. I contemplated calling her and informing her about the good news, however, I heard through the grapevine that she was in a relationship that had possibly started before she left me
. The grapevine has also told me recently that this new relationship was short lived and has now ended
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