Ladies: Is it possible for a guy to be "too sweet"? (boyfriend, girl)
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To be honest, you probably bored her. Sweet/nice guys usually cater to their women, which is nice to a degree, but it gets boring when you get your way all the time and a guy does whatever you want him to do. Sometimes you have to mix things up, take control, step out of the comfort zone. I like a guy that challenges me.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mmccul
Okay City-Data ladies, I have a question for you:
Recently, I had someone break-up with me because she claimed that I was "too sweet" to her. When I asked her why she felt this way, she left, only saying, "You are like cotton candy, everybody likes cotton candy, but after too much of it, it makes you sick". Now from my point of view as a guy, I didn't think that it was possible to be "too sweet". It took me a little while, but I've finally moved on. My question to you all is what do you think about this? Can a guy really be "too sweet", and if so, how?? Thank you very much in advance for your imput!!! -mmccul
Reminds me of how some people answer the job interview question, what's your biggest weakness? Answer: I'm a perfectionist.
I'll never understand (with a bit of luck ) how a person can be too sweet.
Not a lady .. IMO Sugar+Honey= stomach cramp lol although my ex always refered to me as a rude dude ..although i wasnt always rude to her .. but when she demands explanation indirectly .. my polite self crumbles to ashes and blows right on her face ..theres something called as tolerance and patience ..being ''Too'' nice is being ''Too'' naive .. theres always a limit to everything .. Be Cool Get Smart .. flush the ''Too'' into the Loo ..
I'm not a lady but I'll interject my two copper monetary units. I would tend to agree with this. Also... for some strange reason many women tend to like men with a bit of an edge. A bit of a bad boy, occasional jerk but still with a sweet and romantic side. Seems like they like the full spectrum. Sounds like she was saying "Just toooooo much sugar for me and not enough of an edge."
The following is not directed at any poster, just the OP's point of view at this point:
I understand what is being said here, a lot of ladies today want that "roughness" or "edge", and I see that. However, I just don't have that "occasional jerk" side of me. Call me what you want, but I as a person am more concerned about the morals and values of a relationship. I am a loving, kind person, not someone who can be a jerk yet still be sweet and romantic. A friend of this girl told me something similar to what is being covered here, and I'm going to say what I said to her. I am not going to change myself just because one girl doesn't appreciate me. The fact that she is looking for someone who is looking for an "edge" is not really my problem, that's her. I am masculine, and I am very confident of my masculinity, I just may be a little more loving or sweet than most guys. If that is the case, then that's just me, like I told her friend, one girl isn't going to make me change my ways. Especially when I know many other girls that truly do appreciate me for who I am.
I think in today's world, roughness gets confused with masculinity very easily. Maculinity is defined as "having qualities traditionally ascribed to men, strength and boldness". Whereas roughness is defined as "characterized by unnecessary violence or infractions of the rules". These are completely opposite ends of the spectrum, and I feel that today, they are being blended into one definition. We live in a world today where domestic violence is unfortunately on an uprise, and I feel there is a few reasons for this. The main one being simply that a large percentage of women prefer to be literally treated like crap. It's extremely sad, but these women cannot leave an abusive situation, and for some reason this has become more common today. This all goes back to this want or desire for "roughness" and not masculinity. Again, roughness and masculinity used to mean two completely different things, and we need to learn to realize that, and go back to that time when women were attracted to masculinity, and not "roughness".
Sorry for rambling on, but I felt I should get this out in the open. To conclude everything I have stated above, a lot of women today are attracted to roughness, that edge. However, I just may not have that edge for one reason or another. I was raised in a family where morals, values, self-discipline, and honesty were far more important than roghness or having that "occasional jerk". I really like where this thread is going though, it's really interesting to me to view everyone's opinion. -mmccul
The following is not directed at any poster, just the OP's point of view at this point:
I understand what is being said here, a lot of ladies today want that "roughness" or "edge", and I see that. However, I just don't have that "occasional jerk" side of me. Call me what you want, but I as a person am more concerned about the morals and values of a relationship. I am a loving, kind person, not someone who can be a jerk yet still be sweet and romantic. A friend of this girl told me something similar to what is being covered here, and I'm going to say what I said to her. I am not going to change myself just because one girl doesn't appreciate me. The fact that she is looking for someone who is looking for an "edge" is not really my problem, that's her. I am masculine, and I am very confident of my masculinity, I just may be a little more loving or sweet than most guys. If that is the case, then that's just me, like I told her friend, one girl isn't going to make me change my ways. Especially when I know many other girls that truly do appreciate me for who I am.
I think in today's world, roughness gets confused with masculinity very easily. Maculinity is defined as "having qualities traditionally ascribed to men, strength and boldness". Whereas roughness is defined as "characterized by unnecessary violence or infractions of the rules". These are completely opposite ends of the spectrum, and I feel that today, they are being blended into one definition. We live in a world today where domestic violence is unfortunately on an uprise, and I feel there is a few reasons for this. The main one being simply that a large percentage of women prefer to be literally treated like crap. It's extremely sad, but these women cannot leave an abusive situation, and for some reason this has become more common today. This all goes back to this want or desire for "roughness" and not masculinity. Again, roughness and masculinity used to mean two completely different things, and we need to learn to realize that, and go back to that time when women were attracted to masculinity, and not "roughness".
Sorry for rambling on, but I felt I should get this out in the open. To conclude everything I have stated above, a lot of women today are attracted to roughness, that edge. However, I just may not have that edge for one reason or another. I was raised in a family where morals, values, self-discipline, and honesty were far more important than roghness or having that "occasional jerk". I really like where this thread is going though, it's really interesting to me to view everyone's opinion. -mmccul
The following is not directed at any poster, just the OP's point of view at this point:
I understand what is being said here, a lot of ladies today want that "roughness" or "edge", and I see that. However, I just don't have that "occasional jerk" side of me. Call me what you want, but I as a person am more concerned about the morals and values of a relationship. I am a loving, kind person, not someone who can be a jerk yet still be sweet and romantic. A friend of this girl told me something similar to what is being covered here, and I'm going to say what I said to her. I am not going to change myself just because one girl doesn't appreciate me. The fact that she is looking for someone who is looking for an "edge" is not really my problem, that's her. I am masculine, and I am very confident of my masculinity, I just may be a little more loving or sweet than most guys. If that is the case, then that's just me, like I told her friend, one girl isn't going to make me change my ways. Especially when I know many other girls that truly do appreciate me for who I am.
I think in today's world, roughness gets confused with masculinity very easily. Maculinity is defined as "having qualities traditionally ascribed to men, strength and boldness". Whereas roughness is defined as "characterized by unnecessary violence or infractions of the rules". These are completely opposite ends of the spectrum, and I feel that today, they are being blended into one definition. We live in a world today where domestic violence is unfortunately on an uprise, and I feel there is a few reasons for this. The main one being simply that a large percentage of women prefer to be literally treated like crap. It's extremely sad, but these women cannot leave an abusive situation, and for some reason this has become more common today. This all goes back to this want or desire for "roughness" and not masculinity. Again, roughness and masculinity used to mean two completely different things, and we need to learn to realize that, and go back to that time when women were attracted to masculinity, and not "roughness".
Sorry for rambling on, but I felt I should get this out in the open. To conclude everything I have stated above, a lot of women today are attracted to roughness, that edge. However, I just may not have that edge for one reason or another. I was raised in a family where morals, values, self-discipline, and honesty were far more important than roghness or having that "occasional jerk". I really like where this thread is going though, it's really interesting to me to view everyone's opinion. -mmccul
Spot on..
Back in the day the bad boys szo to speak in entertainment that women liked werent really bad boys just bold Men..
Nowadays the bad boys on tv in music and entertianment are cirminals or at least people pretending criminals..And we know how impressionable women are and how they follow and eat anyhting up thats poular and its effected some of them lets be honest..
These references I make are from before my SO and I got together.. FYI.
It drives me crazy when guys are too nice.. It's smothering to me, and I perceive it as passive, as someone else wrote. I dont like the door being held open for me all the time (once in a while my SO does it and its fine, but he doesnt do it all the time because he knows Im just as capable..) yes I know youre trying to be nice, but I can do it myself.. When they stare at you while you talk.. drives me crazy. Its like they're so focused on me and what Im saying that it creeps me out. I want my other half to have their own personality, own mind, and to not be afraid to disagree with me. I dont want to be put on a pedestal, I want to be treated as an equal. I dont want mushy songs and poems written about "our love", I dont want a guy to open the car door for me (I hate it.) I dont want my chair pushed in.. seriously it gives me the creeps thinking about it. hah
Then again, I wasnt raised to be a girly girl. I was raised with 4 wheelers, guns, fast cars, boats and airplanes. I can appreciate sincerity and honesty, but I also silently demand that my independence be respected. My dad once apologized to me when I was younger (and turning away all these nice guys! hah) because he said he raised me to be too independent, and he hoped it wasnt the wrong decision. Guys are, from my experience, intimidated by girls with self confidence and independence, and the ability to think and do things for themselves.. I found my other half though.. he respects all of these things, and yet, is very caring in a non-smothering way. Life is good.
People shouldnt mistake "not sweet" for "jerk" or "uncaring", because thats not true. There are different types of people out there.. not everyone is compatible!
This is EXACTLY who I think of when the too nice/too sweet topic comes up. I think it is a bit exaggerated but there are men out there who come pretty close and, yes, it is too much.
OP, no need to change if you are comfortable with who and what you are. But, there are plenty of guys out there who are not like you and there is no jerk about them. You went from her wanting to be treated like crap to domestic violence and how most women want to be mistreated and that is a but much. It sounds more like your ego took a beating and dysfunctionalizing her (and "a large percentage of women") is how you prefer to ease the sting. Relationships don't always work out, and there isn't always a major personality flaw behind it.
My guy is a sweetheart, but he doesn't overdo it. He is never a jerk, but he is assertive and gets his point across loud and clear without having to be offensive. He does really nice things for me, but he doesn't pour it on thick. He is considerate and generous, but he's no push-over. I would be annoyed if that balance wasn't there in either direction. And there are a lot of women who feel the same way. You didn't answer my questions from before so I'm just going to throw out there that maybe you lack that balance. Fixing it doesn't really require changing who you are, your principles being a large part of that. It just takes some adjusting.
We are not the same person all of our lives. Life and experience don't really allow for that. Try to learn from this somehow.
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) how a person can be too sweet.
lol although my ex always refered to me as a rude dude ..although i wasnt always rude to her .. but when she demands explanation indirectly .. my polite self crumbles to ashes and blows right on her face ..theres something called as tolerance and patience ..being ''Too'' nice is being ''Too'' naive .. theres always a limit to everything .. Be Cool 
Get Smart .. flush the ''Too'' into the Loo 
