Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So you threw off that protector nonsense as soon as possible and became independent before you were out of your teens, huh? Did you also begin paying your own way at the same time, or did you remain dependent on a handout from your parents? I bet you were a real joy to raise and be around, and I bet today your folks are so very proud of you. NOT! What you really sound like is a spoiled brat. I feel sorry for any young man that may try hooking up with you.
What a crazy post. There are plenty of people out there that leave home early and pay their own way. For those that are blessed to have help from there parents, awesome, but I highly doubt it's the norm. A lot of people simply don't have the money to support two households. Why that seems odd to you, who knows.
I had a classmate who became independent of her parents before she was 20. Why is that reprehensible? In what does striking out on one's own at 19 make a woman a "spoiled brat"? Why shouldn't her parents be proud of her?
That specific poster said it would be offensive and provoking if her beau were to ask her dad for permission which is a class and respectful act.
While visiting my parents this weekend, my BF asked my dad for permission to propose to me (the things you overhear in a small house with paper thin walls!). Now, we've been talking about getting married for the last six months or so and I wasn't surprised by the intention to propose soon, but I was surprised that he asked my dad for permission because I think that's pretty old fashioned and I didn't think men did that anymore. I'm obviously excited because my BF is the love of my life and the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, but there's the small, feminist part of me that feels like my dad's permission shouldn't matter either way. My dad was clearly very happy and flattered- his loud "I'd be honored to have you as a son in law" was what caught my attention in the first place and made me realize what they were talking about, but I wonder what would have happened if my dad had said no.
I'm curious about the thought process of asking a father for his daughter's hand. I can't ask my boyfriend because I am not supposed to know yet, so I am turning to City Data- guys, would you ask your girlfriend's dad for permission and why? What if he said no? Dads, what would your reaction be towards your future son in law? Women, given that we're taught to be independent and self reliant, how would you feel about this?
I don't have any daughters, but if I did:
If I liked the guy, and got along with him, his standing in my eyes would go up geometrically because he went old-school and asked me for permission to marry my daughter. I am very old fashioned, and gestures of respect and honor such as this would be huge.
If I didn't like the guy (and I doubt that any daughter of mine would bring home a guy I didn't like) I would still gain some measure of respect for him. I'd hate to say no under those circumstances, but I certainly would anyway.
That specific poster said it would be offensive and provoking if her beau were to ask her dad for permission which is a class and respectful act.
WTH is wrong with some women nowadays?
It's not always a fitting act. I think it can be a sweet thing to do, but it depends on the people involved and the kind of relationship they have with each other. For example, I made sure at my wedding ceremony that the officiant did not ask "who gives this woman?" I wasn't comfortable with it. Tho, I did have her note the joining of two families instead (something like that).
So you threw off that protector nonsense as soon as possible and became independent before you were out of your teens, huh? Did you also begin paying your own way at the same time, or did you remain dependent on a handout from your parents? I bet you were a real joy to raise and be around, and I bet today your folks are so very proud of you. NOT! What you really sound like is a spoiled brat. I feel sorry for any young man that may try hooking up with you.
Comprehension: score 0
Actually it's a credit to my parents (particularly my father) that I became self-reliant at a young age. I often thought that he had an old pioneer spirit. In researching my family's genealogy, he certainly harks back to what I've learned about the lives of my early 1800s ancestors. He would take my sibs and I for rambles in the country, pointing out the old farmsteads and talking about the way that people learned to fend for themselves at a young age. If he was still alive he'd shake his head in disgust at the entitlement and "I'm failing! bail me out!" attitude today. That my parents were of the Depression era probably influenced their philosophy as well (so much for me hooking up with "a young man" - I'd be a cougar for doing that *sheesh*). It was no way their attitude that we had to get out on our own that young, but I grew up on stories from them and my grandparents about them being out on their own; getting jobs, marrying and having kids, when they were barely out of their teens or into their early 20s. I had a resolve at a young age that if they could that, so could I. And having done that, the view of my father being a "protector" was denigrating to him, actually. He passed on to my sibs and I that we were capable of demonstrating a sterner disposition. So, I'd say that your post rates a big
Getting back to the asking permission stuff, I have to wonder "why just the father?" What - was the mother just chipped beef on toast all along? If there is going to be this "showing respect" and passing the daughter along ya-ya, why is the mother not considered? In my view, the convention should be that you approach both parents if you are going to do it at all. It's not really giving the mother much credit if you skip over her - after all, typically she would be the one who influenced the nurturing, emotional side of the wife-to-be - and go straight to the father.
While visiting my parents this weekend, my BF asked my dad for permission to propose to me (the things you overhear in a small house with paper thin walls!). Now, we've been talking about getting married for the last six months or so and I wasn't surprised by the intention to propose soon, but I was surprised that he asked my dad for permission because I think that's pretty old fashioned and I didn't think men did that anymore. I'm obviously excited because my BF is the love of my life and the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, but there's the small, feminist part of me that feels like my dad's permission shouldn't matter either way. My dad was clearly very happy and flattered- his loud "I'd be honored to have you as a son in law" was what caught my attention in the first place and made me realize what they were talking about, but I wonder what would have happened if my dad had said no.
I'm curious about the thought process of asking a father for his daughter's hand. I can't ask my boyfriend because I am not supposed to know yet, so I am turning to City Data- guys, would you ask your girlfriend's dad for permission and why? What if he said no? Dads, what would your reaction be towards your future son in law? Women, given that we're taught to be independent and self reliant, how would you feel about this?
Yes, they do still do it. And it's certainly a good way to start off a marriage.
Your "feminism" is misplaced, and independence has nothing to do with this. You should be thrilled that your intended has such respect for you and your family. I certainly would.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Comprehension: score 0
