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While visiting my parents this weekend, my BF asked my dad for permission to propose to me (the things you overhear in a small house with paper thin walls!). Now, we've been talking about getting married for the last six months or so and I wasn't surprised by the intention to propose soon, but I was surprised that he asked my dad for permission because I think that's pretty old fashioned and I didn't think men did that anymore. I'm obviously excited because my BF is the love of my life and the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, but there's the small, feminist part of me that feels like my dad's permission shouldn't matter either way. My dad was clearly very happy and flattered- his loud "I'd be honored to have you as a son in law" was what caught my attention in the first place and made me realize what they were talking about, but I wonder what would have happened if my dad had said no.
I'm curious about the thought process of asking a father for his daughter's hand. I can't ask my boyfriend because I am not supposed to know yet, so I am turning to City Data- guys, would you ask your girlfriend's dad for permission and why? What if he said no? Dads, what would your reaction be towards your future son in law? Women, given that we're taught to be independent and self reliant, how would you feel about this?
While visiting my parents this weekend, my BF asked my dad for permission to propose to me (the things you overhear in a small house with paper thin walls!). Now, we've been talking about getting married for the last six months or so and I wasn't surprised by the intention to propose soon, but I was surprised that he asked my dad for permission because I think that's pretty old fashioned and I didn't think men did that anymore. I'm obviously excited because my BF is the love of my life and the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, but there's the small, feminist part of me that feels like my dad's permission shouldn't matter either way. My dad was clearly very happy and flattered- his loud "I'd be honored to have you as a son in law" was what caught my attention in the first place and made me realize what they were talking about, but I wonder what would have happened if my dad had said no.
I'm curious about the thought process of asking a father for his daughter's hand. I can't ask my boyfriend because I am not supposed to know yet, so I am turning to City Data- guys, would you ask your girlfriend's dad for permission and why? What if he said no? Dads, what would your reaction be towards your future son in law? Women, given that we're taught to be independent and self reliant, how would you feel about this?
Since you aren't a man, or a father, you cannot appreciate this little exchange the way you should.
Your guy was showing extreme respect for your father, something you should be overjoyed about.
This is not about your father truly giving permission This is about your guy saying to your dad, hey, I know Stina is your crown jewel, more precious to you than your own life. I now love her too with my entire being and want to spend my life loving her and taking care of her as well as you have.
It's a respect thing, a way to acknowledge the depth of his feelings for you. Don't go all feminazi over such an awesome show of respect and man to man moment.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,004,411 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by StinaTado
While visiting my parents this weekend, my BF asked my dad for permission to propose to me (the things you overhear in a small house with paper thin walls!). Now, we've been talking about getting married for the last six months or so and I wasn't surprised by the intention to propose soon, but I was surprised that he asked my dad for permission because I think that's pretty old fashioned and I didn't think men did that anymore. I'm obviously excited because my BF is the love of my life and the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, but there's the small, feminist part of me that feels like my dad's permission shouldn't matter either way. My dad was clearly very happy and flattered- his loud "I'd be honored to have you as a son in law" was what caught my attention in the first place and made me realize what they were talking about, but I wonder what would have happened if my dad had said no.
I'm curious about the thought process of asking a father for his daughter's hand. I can't ask my boyfriend because I am not supposed to know yet, so I am turning to City Data- guys, would you ask your girlfriend's dad for permission and why? What if he said no? Dads, what would your reaction be towards your future son in law? Women, given that we're taught to be independent and self reliant, how would you feel about this?
I think it's very sweet and respectful, and admirable. I always admired a guy who can be himself regardless of what's in and what's not, who doesn't care what the world thinks. That's more manly to me than bad boys going around flexing their muscles trying to show what bad boys they are. I wouldn't over analyze it, just count your blessings and be happy. Best wishes to you!
Being the old fuddy duddy that i am, all 3 of my daughters beaus asked my permission. 1 asked at the 19th hole and the other 2 asked while we were fishing. I gave all 3 my blessing but asked the one wanting to marry my youngest to please wait 1 year to marry so she could finish her nursing degree. It didnt surprise me too much that they asked since all 3 of the young men knew that I had raised my daughters as a single dad and therefore had a VERY strong bond with my girls. I have no idea what would have happened had I said no. They probably would have eloped and I would have loved them anyway! Do you realize how much fishin gear a dad can buy when he isnt buying toilet paper and tampons for 3 daughters any more?????????? Take my daughters pleeeeez!
He's just trying to score major browny points with your old man. Nothing wrong with that, I would love if my daughter's boyfriend asks me for her hand. I would give him an answer that will def throw him off, just for laughs.
On the one hand, it is kind of sweet and old-school, but on the other, it does smack of the olden days when getting married was an exchange of the woman as property. I'm close with my dad, but I'm no daddy's girl, so I have a feeling my dad would react pretty much the same way yours did, probably adding "you'll have to ask her, since I have no say in the matter."
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,004,411 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
On the one hand, it is kind of sweet and old-school, but on the other, it does smack of the olden days when getting married was an exchange of the woman as property. I'm close with my dad, but I'm no daddy's girl, so I have a feeling my dad would react pretty much the same way yours did, probably adding "you'll have to ask her, since I have no say in the matter."
Sounds like you're confusing two different societies and/or times because this way didn't mix with when/where marriages were prearranged. There was no asking in those cases, it just was. That makes me shudder a little but not this situation. I think there are still a lot of old-fashioned, respectful people around. They're just muffled by the in-crowds.
While visiting my parents this weekend, my BF asked my dad for permission to propose to me (the things you overhear in a small house with paper thin walls!). Now, we've been talking about getting married for the last six months or so and I wasn't surprised by the intention to propose soon, but I was surprised that he asked my dad for permission because I think that's pretty old fashioned and I didn't think men did that anymore. I'm obviously excited because my BF is the love of my life and the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, but there's the small, feminist part of me that feels like my dad's permission shouldn't matter either way. My dad was clearly very happy and flattered- his loud "I'd be honored to have you as a son in law" was what caught my attention in the first place and made me realize what they were talking about, but I wonder what would have happened if my dad had said no.
I'm curious about the thought process of asking a father for his daughter's hand. I can't ask my boyfriend because I am not supposed to know yet, so I am turning to City Data- guys, would you ask your girlfriend's dad for permission and why? What if he said no? Dads, what would your reaction be towards your future son in law? Women, given that we're taught to be independent and self reliant, how would you feel about this?
I took a day off from work, drove over to my father-in-law's house, told him I loved his daughter and asked for his permission to marry his daughter. At first, I caught him off guard, but I repeated the question and got the yes. Why is it important?, well, if you are marrying someone, you are in essence marrying into the family and you want acceptance. It would not be a good situation, if you married someone who's family detests you, they could make you and your intended's life miserable. I've seen that too.
BTW - Congratulations!!!
Last edited by FrmlyBklyn; 05-03-2010 at 11:41 AM..
Reason: spell check
Since you aren't a man, or a father, you cannot appreciate this little exchange the way you should.
Your guy was showing extreme respect for your father, something you should be overjoyed about.
This is not about your father truly giving permission This is about your guy saying to your dad, hey, I know Stina is your crown jewel, more precious to you than your own life. I now love her too with my entire being and want to spend my life loving her and taking care of her as well as you have.
It's a respect thing, a way to acknowledge the depth of his feelings for you. Don't go all feminazi over such an awesome show of respect and man to man moment.
I do know that my BF was not literally asking permission as in he would break up with me if my dad said no, but I honestly didn't know that men asked for permission at all. I understand that it's a sign of love and respect, it's just something that I thought had gone by the wayside in the wake of feminism. I thought it might be a generational thing- I have several male friends that have gotten engaged over the last year and none of them asked permission (two of them didn't even meet the families til after the proposal). Just out of curiosity, how would you have felt if they had proposed first, then talked to you later? That seems to be more common in my generation.
It also apparently sparked a great conversation- I finally had to interrupt them three hours later to get some info about our flight the next day and their conversation was still going strong. When my dad took us to the airport, he and my BF hugged for the first time instead of shaking hands, as they have on all of our other visits.
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This is about your guy saying to your dad, hey, I know Stina is your crown jewel, more precious to you than your own life. I now love her too with my entire being and want to spend my life loving her and taking care of her as well as you have.
I wouldn't over analyze it, just count your blessings and be happy. Best wishes to you! 
