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Tell him you got a facebook if you don't already have one and see how he reacts, I am a jealous and controlling person and my wife left me because of it, it is a disease of insecurity, it will not go away, sad to say he is not going to change, my wife has been gone for almost four months now and I am barely starting to let go. Give him a week if that, you'll see. The face book is something very small and is a good test to see how he reacts to it. If you don't got one and don't want one tell him your thinking about it and see how he responds. Remember a jealous and controlling person does not want their significant other being social at all because this type of person lives so much in fear that their spouse will find someone else. My wife put up with me for sixteen years and always hoped that I would change. I said the same crap to her as you husband is telling you" if had sat me down earlier I would have changed".......thats a bunch of bull. He is being selfish right now. He is going to say what ever he can to get you back and I promise you he means it when he says it but it is not true.....Been there done that.
Sad to say you are going to believe him and you will go back and YOU WILL LEARN THE HARD WAY, unfortunately it will be sixteen years later and your life will pass you by and it is harder to start over when your older. The best thing my wife did for herself was to leave me.I am a new man now. Unfortunately I lost someone very special to me, who cared for me so much for me. My insecurity never let me see that. read my post and see if it sounds like your marriage it's titled "jealous and controlling and I'm tired of it".
Good luck Jen.
I think coming forth with your story is excellent. Perhaps the OP will hear your words. I'm glad you are restarting your life and accept what has happened. Let the healing take over and renew you. Best of luck.
He did not love you unconditionally...jealousy and controlling behavior and arguments are not love...they are abusive behaviors. Whatever you do, don't bring another child into this fiasco. Care for yourself and your son, move on and don't look back. You and your child deserve better.
Walk with your head down? That's crazy. It's 2010, be a woman of this age aka independent, confident, and doesn't take crab from any man. If you don't do if for yourself, do it for your son, or most likely he will grow up to be another insecure, domineering jerk like his father.
can you please help me im in a situation that my husband wants to get back with me because he loves his kids but he wants us to still remain living apart, hes laid his rules that he wants me to change & when i told him i want us to go church & live together he disagreed about it, yet it leaves me confused? yet he was the reason why we werent back together because wasnt ready, now its coming to 5 years & he wants to give it a try again but because he loves his kids. I told him next year its going to 5 years and im going to move on now hes wants to give it another try our marriage, but how are we surpose to work our marriage if we are under seperate roofs? he said he will be at my place most of the times but what is his house for?? for his friends etc?? i dont like that idea, i told him i disagree bout it because inorder for our marriage to work its best that were under one roof, but he he said he will eventually move in when hes ready. I dont know what to do, im starting to think its because he loves our kids & knows that i have plans to move away next year to start fresh without him. I still love him and would give anything to have my family back but i know that to have a family it means for each other to have that love and connection but to him, the way i see it is because he doesnt want to lose him kids because they are his life. hes lost love for me & wants to regain our love back but i feel thats the only reason y he wants us to give it another go? please help me..
Leilani09, what makes you think your situation is different from the one above? Or that the advice to you would be any different? He doesn't love you, he simply doesn't want to pay child support. Look at how your life will be with him in 5 years. Is that what you want for you....or for your children? I don't think so.
He has given you conditions. You also have the option of presenting him with conditions. If he doesn't accept yours, then move on.
I agree that your husband's behavior seems extreme and is unacceptable. That said, there are a lot of morally superior individuals lurking around these boards. Once they hear something that is not a fairy tale marriage, they vehemently tell you how terrible everything is and you were ignorant for putting up with it for so long. Relationships are complicated and, though I do not condone what your husband seems to be doing, there are two sides to every relationship problem. Do you internalize issues and accept things that should be unacceptable to avoid conflict? You may have given him the impression that certain behaviors are acceptable and now have hit your limit. Perhaps setting appropriate boundaries would have avoioded the feelings that you have.
Like I said, it is your decision and only yours. I do not know what you should do, but I agree with the poster that said do not take any advice from these boards.
Helpppp
I am 27 Ive been with my husband 9 yrs and i have a 4 yr old son
I finally left him 2 days ago . I had a mentally abusive relationship . He was very jealous ! I had to walk with my head down and deal with fighting all the time ( what im wearing , where im looking ect ect ) He has made my life miserable ! Now on the up side He loves me unconditionally , he was an amazing supporter ( i was a stay at home mom ) i had a house and all my bills paid . He was an okay father . Now that I left hes begging for one more chance He claims if I wouldve sat him down and discussed this (that im gonna leave before i left) he wouldve changed before it was too late. Obviously when we fought id threaten him i was taking my son and leaving but now it really happened. I also dont know if i put enough thought about what i am doing to my son . Now he is promising the world . I do love him I just dont know what I should do Right now i can survive with 1 child but what if i go back and find out hes the same 3 yrs later when i have another child.
Yes you should give him another chance and stop making him jealous.
Ok you're post like most here is only one side of the story. But you need to really truly ask yourself, did you do anything, past or present to make him feel insecure? You do know this is a mans way of expressing insecurity?
Even when you first met, did you brag about Exs? Make him feel inferior? Make him feel like you might be into another type of man? Make him feel like you're settling? Often times these issues rear their ugly heads later on and like this. The man doesn't want to loose you, so he lets His insecurities simmer and tries to hold them in.
With that said, some men are just idiots and jealous of their own shadow. Those are the scary kind. But think real hard if you contributed, if you did fix it with him. If you didn't, I say keep running!
Helpppp
I am 27 Ive been with my husband 9 yrs and i have a 4 yr old son
I finally left him 2 days ago . I had a mentally abusive relationship . He was very jealous ! I had to walk with my head down and deal with fighting all the time ( what im wearing , where im looking ect ect ) He has made my life miserable ! Now on the up side He loves me unconditionally , he was an amazing supporter ( i was a stay at home mom ) i had a house and all my bills paid . He was an okay father . Now that I left hes begging for one more chance He claims if I wouldve sat him down and discussed this (that im gonna leave before i left) he wouldve changed before it was too late. Obviously when we fought id threaten him i was taking my son and leaving but now it really happened. I also dont know if i put enough thought about what i am doing to my son . Now he is promising the world . I do love him I just dont know what I should do Right now i can survive with 1 child but what if i go back and find out hes the same 3 yrs later when i have another child.
You said your husband loves you "unconditionally?" He doesn't love you unconditionally if he is mentally abusive, loses it if you wear the wrong thing or look at the wrong person. You said he is just an ok father? Don't you want more for your son than that? It sounds like you want to go back to him for financial stability reasons than anything else. You could easily be sitting here a few years from now in the same or worse conditions, 3 years older, 3 years more of your son witnessing your fights and the tension, 3 more years of mental abuse. The answer seems clear to me.
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