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Is it fair to arbitrarily increase punishment to your child?
If you were to tell your child that if he or she did a certain sin or mistake, you would implement a certain punishment, and when that infraction took place, you added a number of extra punishment, would you think you were acting in a fair and just manner?
A scenario would go like this.
If you told your son, if you do not make your bed, I will ground you for 2 days.
That same day, he did not or refused to make his bed.
You confront him and say that he is grounded for 2 days. At the same time, you tell him that he is also grounded for a further week and also looses all T V privileges and must also do the dishes for a month.
Do you think you have dealt fairly with your child?
Is it fair to arbitrarily increase punishment to your child?
If you were to tell your child that if he or she did a certain sin or mistake, you would implement a certain punishment, and when that infraction took place, you added a number of extra punishment, would you think you were acting in a fair and just manner?
A scenario would go like this.
If you told your son, if you do not make your bed, I will ground you for 2 days.
That same day, he did not or refused to make his bed.
You confront him and say that he is grounded for 2 days. At the same time, you tell him that he is also grounded for a further week and also looses all T V privileges and must also do the dishes for a month.
Do you think you have dealt fairly with your child?
Regards
DL
No and you've just lost credibility with him. Stick with the first punishment and if after the two days he hasn't made the bed, then try something else.
No, it isn't fair. Make the punishment more severe the next time it happens, if it does. Tell the kid it will be, but don't specify how much. That was too much detail to begin with.
Why isn't this thread in another forum? Isn't there one called Parenting?
Agreed with the above two posts- especially about this being posted in another forum...? Anyway, you have to tell your child EXACTLY what he is to expect, and follow through. PERIOD. Your children should always know exactly what is expected of them without fail, and as well they should know what consequences they are to face (when applicable) should they not follow through with that which is required of them. Be firm but be fair. And remember, "fair" doesn't necessarily mean an easy type of punishment; I just mean fair in that you tell them what they have to do, and what happens if they do not do that. THAT is fair. So, if you tell them that if they don't make their bed even ONE single day, that they will lose various privelages for a month; well, that is fair, you let them know the deal. So you're in the clear as far as being a consistent, and fair parent so long as your kids know in advance what they'll be dealing with insofar as consequences for not obeying whatever rules you lay out.
BUT- I'd imagine that if they're going to get smarmy with you, you CAN make the punishment increasingly worse for their lack of obedience- if that's maybe what you meant all along? Provided they are aware of said consequences.
One more thing- just an aside- if you really are in fact talking about minimal things like making the bed and such minor chores that kids are supposed to do anyway- you really do have the right to make obscene punishments if they don't do such things. Now if you're talking about cleaning out the attic, or mowing a six acre farm- yeah, you're just an unfair/cruel parent! But I have a feeling it's the former that is the issue.
Agreed with the above two posts- especially about this being posted in another forum...? Anyway, you have to tell your child EXACTLY what he is to expect, and follow through. PERIOD.
I absolutely agree -- once you set a punishment (or, as a parent, once you make *any* decision) *stick with it*. Not only does arbitrarily changing your mind undermine your authority in your child's eyes, it's also an indication that you're unwilling to follow your own rules -- and if *you're* not going to follow the rules, why should *he*?
No, it isn't fair. Make the punishment more severe the next time it happens, if it does. Tell the kid it will be, but don't specify how much. That was too much detail to begin with.
Why isn't this thread in another forum? Isn't there one called Parenting?
I don't know but I have a religious motive that I will show a bit later that pertains to theists.
It is often difficult to get a straight answer from them and I am forced to go this route.
You might note that, to my knowledge, this is the first time Avasa gives a direct answer to anything.
Agreed with the above two posts- especially about this being posted in another forum...? Anyway, you have to tell your child EXACTLY what he is to expect, and follow through. PERIOD. Your children should always know exactly what is expected of them without fail, and as well they should know what consequences they are to face (when applicable) should they not follow through with that which is required of them. Be firm but be fair. And remember, "fair" doesn't necessarily mean an easy type of punishment; I just mean fair in that you tell them what they have to do, and what happens if they do not do that. THAT is fair. So, if you tell them that if they don't make their bed even ONE single day, that they will lose various privelages for a month; well, that is fair, you let them know the deal. So you're in the clear as far as being a consistent, and fair parent so long as your kids know in advance what they'll be dealing with insofar as consequences for not obeying whatever rules you lay out.
BUT- I'd imagine that if they're going to get smarmy with you, you CAN make the punishment increasingly worse for their lack of obedience- if that's maybe what you meant all along? Provided they are aware of said consequences.
One more thing- just an aside- if you really are in fact talking about minimal things like making the bed and such minor chores that kids are supposed to do anyway- you really do have the right to make obscene punishments if they don't do such things. Now if you're talking about cleaning out the attic, or mowing a six acre farm- yeah, you're just an unfair/cruel parent! But I have a feeling it's the former that is the issue.
I picked a simple scenario to KIS but it could be anything.
The point I was looking for is your " Provided they are aware of said consequences."
Are you a theist BTW?
The more theist here the better when I lower the boom on them.
Avasa. Unfortunately even you. But you might actually enjoy a learning experience. I personally love to learn.
I absolutely agree -- once you set a punishment (or, as a parent, once you make *any* decision) *stick with it*. Not only does arbitrarily changing your mind undermine your authority in your child's eyes, it's also an indication that you're unwilling to follow your own rules -- and if *you're* not going to follow the rules, why should *he*?
Is it fair to arbitrarily increase punishment to your child?
If you were to tell your child that if he or she did a certain sin or mistake, you would implement a certain punishment, and when that infraction took place, you added a number of extra punishment, would you think you were acting in a fair and just manner?
A scenario would go like this.
If you told your son, if you do not make your bed, I will ground you for 2 days.
That same day, he did not or refused to make his bed.
You confront him and say that he is grounded for 2 days. At the same time, you tell him that he is also grounded for a further week and also looses all T V privileges and must also do the dishes for a month.
Do you think you have dealt fairly with your child?
What I am looking for first is theist opinions before showing them that they would not follow their god.
If I ask it in a religious way first, they will try to bob and weave away from what they themselves believe and do.
Theists are the only ones who can B S themselves into believing their own lies.
Regards
DL
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