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May you one day be able to let go of rigid black and white thinking and be able to hear others
Oh, I hear you. I simply do not agree with you. You placed conditions. You believe your approval was necessary for you to attend your child's wedding. I love you but, I have this personal integrity that is more important.
You are projecting on to me your black and white thinking. You have conditions, or you will not go. Me? No conditions. I will celebrate with joy and love and dancing at life events.
...they're saying that a parent who chooses to indulge their fearful beliefs over and above loving and supporting their child is harming their child.
A grown man getting married is not a child. He is an adult. As an adult his parents are now his peers. Still his parents, but peers nonetheless.
Part of being an adult is recognizing that our loved ones may not always behave the way we want them to. This does not mean they don't love us.
There is something both poignant and troubling in your view that disappointing someone causes them harm. In a healthy adult relationship we know that others even our loved ones may disagree with us and disappoint us.
To say however that it causes harm sounds very young and very hurt. I invite you to see the difference between feeling sad upset disappointed.....and being harmed. Also to recognize that as an adult seeking acceptance and respect and dignity we have to also be willing to extend respect and dignity and recognition to those we disagree with.
Last edited by Tzaphkiel; 02-13-2017 at 01:39 PM..
A grown man getting married is not a child. He is an adult. As an adult his parents are now his peers. Still his parents, but peers nonetheless.
Still his parents, thus a very different relationship than one of simply "peers".
Quote:
Part of being an adult is recognizing that our loved ones may not always behave the way we want them to. This does not mean they don't love us.
We're not talking about a generic, "not doing what we want". We're talking about supporting our children even if they choose to spend their life with a spouse of whom we don't "approve".
Quote:
There is something both poignant and troubling in your view that disappointing someone causes them harm. In a healthy adult relationship we know that others even our loved ones may disagree with us and disappoint us. To say however that it causes harm sounds very young and very hurt.
Again with the generic "disappointing" someone. We're talking about not supporting your child in their commitment to their spouse. What do you think you are accomplishing by that?
To say however that it causes harm sounds very young and very hurt. I invite you to see the difference between feeling sad upset disappointed.....and being harmed. Also to recognize that as an adult seeking acceptance and respect and dignity we have to also be willing to extend respect and dignity and recognition to those we disagree with.
It sounds very young and hurt to say that I believe my actions can harm my child? How do you figure that?
We're not talking about a generic, "not doing what we want". We're talking about supporting our children even if they choose to spend their life with a spouse of whom we don't "approve".
Again with the generic "disappointing" someone. We're talking about not supporting your child in their commitment to their spouse. What do you think you are accomplishing by that?
I do support my son in his marriage and in his happiness. He has his own path to walk. He knows this and he knows i love him and want for him every joy and happiness.
You keep saying child. That's where you're stuck. A grown man is not a child and is not to be treated like one. I want him to have the skills to make his own decisions and to take responsibility for the consequences of his choices. I am there for him in the rocky places and he knows this.
I want him to be true to himself even if others try to tell him what to do, and to trust his inner wisdom and listen to the still small voice within himself. And that no matter what happens he is wildly loved and he is wonderful and that never ever changes or goes away. Ever.
Last edited by Tzaphkiel; 02-13-2017 at 02:03 PM..
I do support my son in his marriage and in his happiness. He has his own path to walk. He knows this and he knows i love him and want for him every joy and happiness.
You keep saying child. That's where you're stuck. A grown man is not a child and is not to be treated like one. I want him to have the skills to make his own decisions and to take responsibility for the consequences of his choices.
Semantics. We're talking about a parent/child relationship, not the age of the person. How is going to your CHILD's wedding not treating them as an adult? How is going to your child's wedding impeding him from having the skills to make his own choices and deal with the consequences?
Semantics. We're talking about a parent/child relationship, not the age of the person. How is going to your CHILD's wedding not treating them as an adult? How is going to your child's wedding impeding him from having the skills to make his own choices and deal with the consequences?
Because he has to suffer the consequences of her disapproval. She did not approve of his wife, the ceremony, the wedding colors, the cake, the flowers the location.......or something.
He was a bad boy, and mom is teaching him a lesson by not going to his wedding. Her approval is his responsibility.
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Semantics. We're talking about a parent/child relationship, not the age of the person. How is going to your CHILD's wedding not treating them as an adult? How is going to your child's wedding impeding him from having the skills to make his own choices and deal with the consequences?
