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Forgive me for the length of the first post in this thread. This is something that bothers me and I'm willing to listen to anyone's advice. In all honesty though, I'm actually thinking about posting this on the Christianity forum to ask for advice because this is something that perhaps I just don't understand the concept of.
I work in a job in which I am outside a lot. I work night shift and I'm almost always paired up with someone. Lately, I've been working with a guy who I get along with quite well. We work together very well, he's a sharp guy, and after several weeks/months of working together you kind of get to know one another pretty well. He is a very conservative Christian. He is always talking about his involvement with the church, how he takes his kids every Sunday, etc.. etc... I have never once said anything about it because I indeed know that it is important to him. I listen, and sometimes I laugh to myself when he has to be at church on Sunday mornings and he and I are crawling through the nasty underbelly of an airplane as he's trying to stay clean. Basically, the picture I'm trying to paint is that we do get along rather well.
I, on the other hand, am not an advocate of forcing my non-faith down people's throats. Only until I am prodded and pushed do I let people know what my faith is. I've felt a lot of animosity towards my simple non-belief and it seems mostly because people don't understand it but also get frustrated because I won't just flip over on a whim to their method of thinking. In essence, I do not like to talk about it because I am aware of the prejudices that it brings. I'd say that approximately 99.23% of my co-workers are indeed religious from the perspective of the Christian faith.
The other night we were outside waiting on a part to arrive and he asked me what religion my wife was. I thought about it for a second because I knew what the question really was. I knew based on a discussion about gay marriage we had several nights earlier that he was dying to know what my beliefs were. I don't think he wanted to pop the question directly to me, but since most people seemingly marry people of the same faith he was asking the question a la what my wife believed. It's just one of those things you pick up in conversation. After thinking about it, I told him she was an Atheist. Based upon the look on his face you'd have thought I just punched him square in the jaw. I knew he was expecting something like "Buddhist, non-demonational Christian, etc..." But, instead, I think he was a little shocked (perhaps worried???) that he was working with an Atheist this whole time.
So, we head into our weekend, nothing is said about it, until my first night back. Over the course of this weekend he had gone to church and we were paired up together the first night back. We were out on an airplane waiting on a part once again and he popped the question. "So you and your wife are both Atheists?" I looked at him and said "Yeah." He replied "So what made you come to that conclusion." I responded quite simply "For the same reason you are an Atheist in regards to all other Gods. I just go one God further." I don't think he was expecting that response. I think he had... actually, no... I know he had been prepared with a response from his church. As the discussion continued, his answers were to "robotic" to be anything else.
I won't go into how the entire discussion went but he tried his best to convert me last night. Every free moment we had he sat there trying to convince me of the evidence of Intelligent Design. The poor guy had no idea what he was talking about but I was rather gentle for quite some time. I wasn't out to make him an enemy. However, the guy kept persisting, and then he just kept persisting, and eventually I took him to task.
My only point of contention within all of this is that I'm not too thrilled that the cat is out of the bag. He acted differently towards me last night after he found out I was an Atheist and I'm almost certain it won't be long before my entire shop decides to go on a little missionary to convince Troop of Jesus. Here's what I would like to ask Christians. All of this time I've worked alongside him as a co-worker. We've gotten along very well, he's told me about his church life and how important faith is to him and all of that. I never once raised a question even remotely close to arguing with him about God. I never once asked him why he believes, what he believes for, and why he indoctrinates his children. I never passed judgment on him, made him think anything less of his faith, or felt the need to do so. So, why on Earth is it that he felt the need to do such a thing to me last night? And, when I explained that I wasn't interested, why the need to persist? It's something I suppose I'll never understand. For those who do answer, I'm not interested in Biblical verse. Could someone please explain to me what the intention of bringing this up at work was? And, also, the necessity to disregard the same boundaries that I upheld in respect to his own faith? Is it just me, or is this just rudely arrogant?
It is rudely arrogant. Let this be a lesson to you. In relationships you can't escape, it is better not to answer personal questions like that. Better to have mumbled something like she believes in freedom of religion and not fess up when you know it is hostile territory. Or just say you believe such discussions are not appropriate for the workplace - His badgering you and if you start to get crap is illegal discrimination in the workplace.
Probably the best way to answer a baited question like that is to reply "She's fine, thank you" in a cheery manner. Miss Manners says you really don't have to answer inappropriate personal questions. There's a reason why there's a ban on religion and politics as dinner table discussion.
I'll let any Christians answer but I already know what they will say.
It's the wealth isn't it? Your fellow worker must have thought a lot less of the good or productivity of his job for the community, and for some reason you are perceived as suffering the same needed decision of going on to perfection (approximately anyway). So next time you see him explain that atheism gives you the opportuniity of judging the common good of money, or justice for mankind. He will be in the problems of psychological uncertainty back.
It is rudely arrogant. Let this be a lesson to you. In relationships you can't escape, it is better not to answer personal questions like that. Better to have mumbled something like she believes in freedom of religion and not fess up when you know it is hostile territory. Or just say you believe such discussions are not appropriate for the workplace - His badgering you and if you start to get crap is illegal discrimination in the workplace.
Probably the best way to answer a baited question like that is to reply "She's fine, thank you" in a cheery manner. Miss Manners says you really don't have to answer inappropriate personal questions. There's a reason why there's a ban on religion and politics as dinner table discussion.
I'll let any Christians answer but I already know what they will say.
Real quick, as I'm headed back off to conversion camp for another round of this stuff, I know what you mean. What I don't understand is why it is not seen as a double standard that by professing a non-belief it is seen as a way to try and convert but if I were to do the same thing to him I'd be castigated for questioning his faith. It's like it's excusable to try and do it to me. It seems the road is one way and any attempt to travel down another road is like walking into a Viet-Cong ambush filled with pungee sticks and land mines. I just don't get it.
As a Christian, I am sorry this fellow is behaving that way. I do not agree with his tactics. If you were interested in his faith, it would be differant. I was a member of an Extension Homemaker's club. There were woman from all faiths there, and some of no faith. I do not know of anyone there who tried to proselyte anyone else. We accepted each for what they were, as 'fellow' members of the club. I do admit, I was sometimes uncomfortable with the fact that I was the only one of my faith, but I, nor no one else, made it an issue. That is how it should be.
If he mentioned his faith ,and you appeared interested, it would be a whole differant story.
Troop,
That must have been a strange situation. I've worked in larger groups of a couple of dozen people but if it's just two people it could be awkward. I think you handled it well. I also don't go out of my way to announce my atheism but if someone asks me about my religious beliefs I don't have any problem in telling them that I don't have any and I'll be glad to explain why. I've had alot of religious coworkers over the years and I wouldn't try to disrespect their beliefs. I just feel that my beliefs are equally valid and if they want to debate the issue they're going to lose that debate.
I guess I'll throw my 2 cents worth in, since I'm a Christian. What this guy is doing is something that I would never do. But I understand that he has concern for you, and I think that's all that it is. In RL situations, I don't witness. I talk about it, I live it, and hope that it's enough to make a difference. I grew up with a person in my life that would stand up in churches and argue with Pastors, pick up hitch-hikers just to "witness" to them with children in the car, get written about in the local newspaper for his fanatical disagreement of the content of school plays, argue at the front door for hours with JW's (that was ugly) etc, etc, etc....it was never-ending. It did nothing but turn me away from God and Christianity. I know what the consequences of pushing it on someone can be, and how it just makes you want to spit in their face and then punch them out.
I actually agree with what the last poster said....but since the "cat is already out of the bag", here's what I suggest. You appreciate his concern and you will take everything he said under advisement and will investigate it further. But in the meantime, you would like not to discuss it any further at work because it is too distracting. You would like to keep things light and work related, and if and when you are ready to discuss it, it needs to be outside of work.
If he can't respect this, then you will have to take it up with the management. There is a time and place for everything. Hope that helps.
I certainly hope he eases on you Troop. It seems that you and he had a good working relationship, and it would be a shame if this should interfere with that...Bon chance.
I think all you can do is let him know it is your decision and it was made after educating yourself on religions. It will not take too long and he will return back to normal.
I think his religious push is based on lack of security in his faith and if you do push your views back now you could lose your friend.
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