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I realize this can be somewhat subjective but I can assure you that California cities are not where I am making friends. Are there towns <50K where YOU have found friendship an easy daily reality?
Some details?
Do people wave as the go by your house?
Do people come up to you and just start talking say in the markets?
Does your postman look you in the eyes?
Is there acceptance of many cultures and lifestyles?
Thanks for your thinking this over. As I get closer and closer to retirement I want to be somewhere else and somewhere where community actually reflects in daily life.
I realize this can be somewhat subjective but I can assure you that California cities are not where I am making friends. Are there towns <50K where YOU have found friendship an easy daily reality?
Some details?
Do people wave as the go by your house?
Do people come up to you and just start talking say in the markets?
Does your postman look you in the eyes?
Is there acceptance of many cultures and lifestyles?
Thanks for your thinking this over. As I get closer and closer to retirement I want to be somewhere else and somewhere where community actually reflects in daily life.
Small town is not necessarily friendlier. People have for the most part lived there all of their lives and have their longtime friend sets, and newcomers can be eyed with suspicion. My experience here in New England moving to another town several years ago has been positive but not overly in terms of friendliness. Often people on a walking path will say hello and often they won't. The mail lady/man is almost always friendly and often will stop to chat. People here do not go out of their way to talk to a stranger, in fact they seldom if ever do. I mean many folks are pleasant but not "friendly" in that they would strike up a conversation with a stranger AND suggest meeting again. I see many "regulars" on the paths while walking the dogs and we smile and say hi but nothing has ever come of it. I don't initiate anything either, must be that New England reserve.
I suggest you move to a place that has a concentration of your own interests - arts, music, etc - so you can find volunteer jobs and meet people in that capacity. The larger population is not going to show up at your door with invitations.
Hope you find what you're seeking. For me, I've lived in 7 or 8 cities and the easiest place to make friends was in California. So that would have been my suggestion but obviously not the right fit for everyone. Go figure, I guess everyone's different. At the moment I live in northern Virginia, which doesn't usually have the reputation of being an easy place to make friends. People are very busy here, and very career oriented. Still, I can answer yes to all your questions, so maybe it's friendlier than I realize. I agree that the trick is finding a town with a few groups that looking appealing to you. Maybe you can spend some time browsing the meet up groups on the meetup web site, and see what cities offer groups that you like. Also, does your town have a volunteer fire department? I have made so many good friends that way. You can volunteer to do office work or help out with fund raising events. You don't have to be a firefighter.
I realize this can be somewhat subjective but I can assure you that California cities are not where I am making friends. Are there towns <50K where YOU have found friendship an easy daily reality?
Some details?
Do people wave as the go by your house?
Do people come up to you and just start talking say in the markets?
Does your postman look you in the eyes?
Is there acceptance of many cultures and lifestyles?
Thanks for your thinking this over. As I get closer and closer to retirement I want to be somewhere else and somewhere where community actually reflects in daily life.
Based on your four questions I am batting 50% in my Los Angeles area neighborhood. The answers, starting with "Do people wave as they go by your house?" are no, no, yes, yes.
We had a regular postman who lived across the street and who had had our route for over 10 years; I used to chat with him rather frequently and we would wave if we saw each other on the surrounding streets - him in his Postal Service truck and me in my car. Unfortunately he got another route about six months ago. We sill wave and occasionally speak, but the new people seem to change all the time.
I attend group classes at my (large) gym and have struck up conversations with people who are regulars there. It doesn't happen all the time, but it does happen.
I think even in a big city one can get lucky with one's neighborhood and with one's particular neighbors. I feel like I have a mixed bag here. Longevity in a place matters; there are two different groups of retirees from two different locations I worked at who have lunch together once every other month. One group is small (3 to 5) and another is larger (10 to 15). I enjoy that. It just takes someone to get the ball rolling and organize it. If no one takes the initiative it won't happen. I am the one who took the initiative in both cases, building on occasional lunches with just one other person. Fortunately a woman with more contacts than I have among former colleagues took the baton from me and now keeps us on track in the larger group.
I grew up in a small town -- actually a very small town (under 8K people). And then I spent my college years and post college years in a small town (under 30K people) . . . but both towns were in proximity to a medium sized city. Then I made some moves to larger cities, but lived in the burbs.
I took an interim position in what most folks would consider a Mayberry sort of town and it was the most hateful, gossipy, legalistic, unfriendly hellish situation I have ever been in -- and I had friends in the town b/f I moved there. It didn't matter - I was an outsider, even though I had grown up less than 2 hours away, in the same state. These folks were hateful to each other, but in a very backstabbling, passive aggressive way. Folks were fighting and gossiping about each other continually -- creating drama and unhappiness throughout the community. Yet, on the surface, they would wave when they saw you out walking.
I don't think there is a town out there that can be billed as "friendly to everyone all the time." I think you have to make the effort and sometimes, it takes many years to "fit in" - and that is especially true in a small town.
From my experiences in life, if you are looking for friendly, it would be better to choose a city where things are fairly anonymous (no cliques, no longtime associations formed from childhood) and then find a nice neighborhood (or suburb) within/near that city, where folks create a feeling of community - and are good neighbors to one another.
In other words, don't expect a location to be automatically "friendly" by virtue of simply being "small."
My answers are all "yes". I believe the Phoenix area (especially Chandler where I live ) is exceptionally friendly cause everyone here is from somewhere else. People wave on the streets, and I feel small when I don't know them, so I wave back. Even the UPS driver waves in his truck. I walk the dogs and nearly everyone says "hi" or raises a hand as you pass. The grocery and other stores are the same. The bank is the friendliest, probably cause they want my $, but the grocery produce guy is really accommodating and nice. You can strike up a conversation in the dog park with strangers there easily. And in Home Depot a couple sales people went out of their way to explain to me complicated house stuff that I never could have gotten by myself. The toilet man showed me how to fix the toilet, took the stuff out of the box and explained the whole procedure. Oh yeah. The GARBAGE man waves and so does the street cleaner. Forgot them. As for diversity, no concerns here. Alot of whites, many hispanics and increasing amounts of blacks moving here. Chandler is not less than 50,000 but it is a suburb of the 6th largest US city.
Friendly is subject to interpretation. When we left MA for IL, we had our doorbell rung 5 times with new neighbors bringing us brownies. It was easy to arrange a coffee date, neighbors waved and smiled for no reason. On the surface it was friendly until you wanted to go deep then a panic button seemed to go off. In MA, known for it's coldness, yes, people are tough nuts to crack, but once you get through the exterior you have a good friend for life, loyal and true blue. What I missed while living in the Midwest, even with all the smiles, waves and brownies, were conversations that began with "I..." No one wanted to reveal their soul.
I have to give a resounding NO to your questions but I live within 20 miles of the city recently picked as the most unfriendly city in the country, New Haven, CT. I have lived in 10 states and I have to say that Connecticut is the most unfriendly state I have lived in also. I really want to get out of here but I bought a house here and now I'm stuck. I have for sale signs on my house but rather than knock on my door to talk to me, they just walk up and start looking in the windows! How Rude!
If I go out to do my shopping and come right back home I will often not say a single word to anyone unless I try to initiate a conversation. Even then people will say as little as they can before finding an excuse to be someplace else. In the Home Depot closest to me you have to chase after the sales clerk and try to catch them before they duck into the back room. And it's so bad at Walmart that I don't even bother with the sales clerks. I go online find what I'm looking for and have it shipped to the store. I even had to do that with a couple $1.69 cat toys because it was useless trying to talk to a sales clerk. When my items arrive, I silently hand the person at the customer service desk the printout confirmation of my order, show them my drivers liscense, get my merchandise and leave. If I do it in a way that involves having them actually having to talk to me they're likely to disappear into the back room leaving me to stand there for 20 min. while they "look" for my items.
Generally when I'm out doing my shopping I will stop at the local chili's to 'chill out' between stops. Of course it's more of the same there. The bartender just wants to know what I'm drinking so they can pour my drink and quickly go back to doing something (anything) else. After I finish my first beer they will often rush past me and my empty glass 2-3 times before I can manage to get them stop and refill my glass. I tried stopping at other bars but all I have found are dank and dirty holes in the wall where people get really rude and nasty.
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