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No children, no grandchildren...happy and at peace. Life is what you make of it, I believe that true happiness comes from within, having children and grandchildren do not insure happiness, in fact, most of my senior friends have nothing but trouble with their children and grandchildren, one stress filled problem after another.
Just great. I knew by my early twenties that I did not want to have children. My ex-wife signed onto that before we were married. Therefore I feel no sense of loss at not having grandchildren, as I always knew I would not.
However, I do not denigrate the OP's sense of loss, which I find quite normal. The urge to procreate (as opposed to the urge to have sex) is strong and biologically rooted. So it is normal to want one's children to have children, which then provides our immortality, i.e., the survival of our own genes.
Just great. I knew by my early twenties that I did not want to have children. My ex-wife signed onto that before we were married. Therefore I feel no sense of loss at not having grandchildren, as I always knew I would not.
However, I do not denigrate the OP's sense of loss, which I find quite normal. The urge to procreate (as opposed to the urge to have sex) is strong and biologically rooted. So it is normal to want one's children to have children, which then provides our immortality, i.e., the survival of our own genes.
I figure people like me are in the minority.
I have two stepgrandchildren, but we hardly know them. They live 1200 miles away . . . We send gifts and cards and talk on the phone and see them usually 2 times a year, but it feels uncomfortable and strained. Plus, my being the stepgrandmother when they have two "real" grandmothers (their mother's very pointed term) . . . and living in the same town with their mother's parents who are very doting . . . I honestly feel no genuine connection to these kids at all. They seem like nice enough children, but I really don't know them and I feel rather patronized by them, which is a horrible feeling . . . I find it terribly stressful to be around them, as it is obvious they don't feel particularly connected to us and are just being polite b/c that is what you do to people who send you gifts, lololol.
My own son says he will never have kids . . . so I guess it is a good thing that I do not have a strong need to be a grandparent. I am somewhat saddened to think that I won't really have the chance to know what it is like to have a grandchild that maybe I would have some positive influence on or make some special memories with . . . but it isn't something I think about very often.
I enjoyed my son's childhood very much so I think that I was very fortunate to have that in this lifetime. I guess it just wasn't in the cards to have grandchildren who would be close to me as I was to my grandparents.
Last edited by brokensky; 09-27-2013 at 04:37 PM..
I never had kids, never was too sure that I could handle it. I was the oldest of three and had the care of the younger two -- loved it but didn't know if I could handle something like that plus working.
I was always told from young childhood that I would be expected to work.
The youngest sister has two kids who are now grown and I would have loved having them around while they were growing up. Didn't happen. Their family moved far away and I only got to see them about once a year. I miss them like crazy and soon they'll be out of college and on their own. Nothing I can do about it.
I've known a few people whose grandchildren ruined their retired life. I have one successful son and he has no children and his girlfriend is getting too old. I don't miss not having grandchildren at all.
I only have one grandchild and he is in another state where my son and his wife live. From his birth, his other grandma "took over" and spoiled him rotten and since I lived in another state, I only saw him twice a year. Anyway, there are no other grandkids and won't be, due to medical issues, so I feel like I really don't have any.
One of the things I looked forward to in retirement was having a baby grandchild so I could cherish all the wonderful years. It won't ever happen, and since I have realized this, it seems sad. Just wondering how the rest of you without any grandkids have coped with this and what do you do to make up for the loss? Maybe becoming a foster grandparent? Or maybe just adopting homeless pets (I already have 3). Let me know your solutions ! Thanks in advance !
Loss? Anything but for me. I think your question would have been better asked if you had said "How have the rest of you without any grandkids who wanted them have coped with this and what do you do to make up for the loss?" I never had kids and that certainly hasn't been a loss for me because I planned it that way.
So, if that is what you feel you are missing in your life, my suggestion would be to volunteer at a daycare center or some type of foster care facility. Maybe you can babysit a friends kid. My sister volunteers at her local women's shelter to help new mothers with their kids to tell them how to care for their babies.
It seems to me you already know the answer. Just go for it.
We have one and one in the oven, but they live a 1000 miles away. As they are in the baby making stage, we will seen them only once or twice a year for 4-5 days. That's Ok with me. My son wanted a family and we're very happy for him. When we retire we plan to move closer to him, and then we'll be able to see them more. However, I am glad they aren't close and we're expected to be the constant babysitter as some gparents are. I have a friend and he normally looks really tired when I see him in church because they normally have his 3 year old grandson with them. Mom is either working or having fun so she doesn't want the kid around. NO Thanks. Not for me, and we wouldn't do it anyhow.
I'm very happy that my son has the family he wanted and I hope he enjoys his family as much as I did raising ours. I was quite involved with them, and in their teen years probably did more of the parenting than my wife did. But I don't want to have my life revolve around grandkids. I've got plenty of other things that I like to do, and I also like my peace and quiet.
I was a long distance grandma for 6 years. We made the best of it. We sent them packages, we called, we visited when we could. Now we live in the same state and, of course, it's easier to maintain a relationship with the grandkids. One of the things we did when we lived 1200 miles away was to bond with our neighbor's child. We grew to love her. We'd buy her Christmas and birthday gifts, we'd invite her parents over for dinner and insist that they bring Alison. We got invited to her birthday parties and it worked. Now that we've moved back to our home state we miss her but we look forward to our Christmas card complete with a newsletter and photo of Alison.
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Maybe becoming a foster grandparent? Or maybe just adopting homeless pets (I already have 3).