U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-20-2013, 07:34 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
34,667 posts, read 33,667,394 times
Reputation: 51854

Advertisements

I have no comment on this. Since I have no children, I have no grandchildren. I just found it interesting.

"I imagined retirement being many things—but not teacher conferences, appointments with pediatricians and soccer games. At age 64, I am a member of an unconventional club: grandparents raising grandchildren. The Census Bureau estimates there are about 2.7 million people like me and my husband: grandmothers and grandfathers responsible for the basic needs of one or more children under age 18. I never imagined myself in this role. My husband and I are college graduates; we have a nice home, money in the bank, a place in the community. But then…I never imagined that our youngest daughter would become pregnant while she was still in school, eventually divorce and decide she wasn’t capable of raising a child."

When Retirement Calls You to Be a Parent

The article goes on to talk about:

1. Guilt about being a lousy parent thus leading to this situation
2. Things the retiree has to go through and give up to raise the grandkid
3. Putting on your parent hat with one grandkid and your grandparent hat with other grandchildren
4. Other retirees' lives compared to your own.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-20-2013, 07:45 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,723,738 times
Reputation: 32304
Like the OP, I have no children either. But in my 34 years of full-time work as a public high school teacher, I encountered a number of grandparents who were raising grandchildren, and my heart always went out to them. Being a parent is never easy, but the grandparents in that role often have it doubly hard because the very reasons for it usually have to do with dysfunctionality of some type on the part of the child's parents which has already affected the child(ren) by the time the grandparent has to take over.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-20-2013, 08:42 AM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,611 posts, read 9,672,539 times
Reputation: 10948
Quote:
Originally Posted by LauraC View Post
I have no comment on this. Since I have no children, I have no grandchildren. I just found it interesting.

"I imagined retirement being many things—but not teacher conferences, appointments with pediatricians and soccer games. At age 64, I am a member of an unconventional club: grandparents raising grandchildren. The Census Bureau estimates there are about 2.7 million people like me and my husband: grandmothers and grandfathers responsible for the basic needs of one or more children under age 18. I never imagined myself in this role. My husband and I are college graduates; we have a nice home, money in the bank, a place in the community. But then…I never imagined that our youngest daughter would become pregnant while she was still in school, eventually divorce and decide she wasn’t capable of raising a child."

When Retirement Calls You to Be a Parent

The article goes on to talk about:

1. Guilt about being a lousy parent thus leading to this situation
2. Things the retiree has to go through and give up to raise the grandkid
3. Putting on your parent hat with one grandkid and your grandparent hat with other grandchildren
4. Other retirees' lives compared to your own.
I see this a lot these days. I have a few co-worker/friends who are raising grkids. Sometimes the mothers live with them too and sometimes not. Depends on circumstances. My oldest dd and her husband had two of his grkids for a few years because their parents were in prison and then rehab. All are doing fine now, thankfully. I'm also more than grateful that my own kids were decent parents because I don't think I'd have wanted to raise grkids. Although I WOULD have if I'd had to. I did take in a neice and nephew for a while and that was a disaster because of how they'd been raised. They were my sisters grkids and she did raise them part time. Another case of parents in jail, etc..

I was partly raised by grparents myself. When I was two my birth mother left my sister and me with my paternal grparents while my dad was gone during WWII. We also spent some time with my maternal grparents but not so much. Back then though raising kids seemed to be a 'family affair' and the aunts and uncles also helped. Nobody thought much of it but they DID have their thoughts about the reasons for it!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-20-2013, 03:02 PM
 
Location: Lexington, SC
4,281 posts, read 10,728,968 times
Reputation: 3716
I used to break out in a cold sweat dreaming my daughter showed up on my doorstep with her kids......it was only a dream.....but a bad one......LOL
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-20-2013, 03:59 PM
 
38,070 posts, read 14,878,695 times
Reputation: 24502
Quote:
Originally Posted by AZDesertBrat View Post
I see this a lot these days... Back then though raising kids seemed to be a 'family affair' and the aunts and uncles also helped. Nobody thought much of it but they DID have their thoughts about the reasons for it!
When I grew up, it was not unusual for kids to be shuttled off for a time to relatives for one reason or another. I remember an aunt who was in and out of psychiatric hospitals, an uncle who ran off with another woman and relatives stepping in to help while the left behind spouses got their ducks in a row, an uncle who needed cancer treatment or maybe it was a TB sanitarium, I can't recall, but the kids stayed with the grandparents while his wife accompanied him to treatment, several financial setbacks in which the kids were dumped with relatives while the mom and dad sought their fortunes in another part of the country.

Without welfare to soften the blows of life, family stepped in to help out.

Now it is rare to see aunts and uncles raising kids, but getting more common to see grandparents in that role.

Wonder why that is?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-20-2013, 04:49 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,463,318 times
Reputation: 29071
The mere thought of it shivers me timbers!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-20-2013, 06:59 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,964,817 times
Reputation: 15649
A lot of young parents have to work, and it's often the mother who is carrying the health insurance for the family so it's not just her job income that would be lost if she quit. Grandparents who are laid-back and warm/fuzzy types do well in the childcare role if called upon. Those who are high-strung or not so laid back have a harder time, from what I've seen. Some grandparents go between several sets of young kids, not just one. Two in my class just do it as a matter of routine and say it's no big deal. Doing it or not doing it has a lot to do with the grandparents' personality, hopes and dreams for personal space, and tolerance for going through it all again. Not sure i could do it. I'm limiting myself to one afternoon a week, not at my house. That's just because I want to get to know the babies as they grow up, no one's asked me to.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-20-2013, 07:03 PM
 
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,954 posts, read 7,387,939 times
Reputation: 16278
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
A lot of young parents have to work, and it's often the mother who is carrying the health insurance for the family so it's not just her job income that would be lost if she quit. Grandparents who are laid-back and warm/fuzzy types do well in the childcare role if called upon. Those who are high-strung or not so laid back have a harder time, from what I've seen. Some grandparents go between several sets of young kids, not just one. Two in my class just do it as a matter of routine and say it's no big deal. Doing it or not doing it has a lot to do with the grandparents' personality, hopes and dreams for personal space, and tolerance for going through it all again. Not sure i could do it. I'm limiting myself to one afternoon a week, not at my house. That's just because I want to get to know the babies as they grow up, no one's asked me to.
Yes, but you are sort of warm & fuzzy
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-20-2013, 07:17 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,964,817 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by Umbria View Post
Yes, but you are sort of warm & fuzzy
No, not really....I'm an A-type personality and can only remain warm and fuzzy for a few hours at best. Then I start slinging around my pocketbook.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-21-2013, 12:59 PM
 
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, originally from SF Bay Area
29,748 posts, read 54,373,866 times
Reputation: 31030
We have 3 grown kids and one grandchild (so far) age 18 months. We often take him all day or overnight. We are rarely asked, we volunteer, because we enjoy it so much. After 25-30 years I guess we forgot how much fun it is having a little person around that's constantly learning from you. On the other hand, we can give him back after that, and are not responsible for food and clothing, school, outings and all the rest. We are not retired but still working full time or more, an just a full day can be pretty exhausting with a toddler that's constantly running. There's a reason people have their children in their 20s-30s.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top