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I have no comment on this. Since I have no children, I have no grandchildren. I just found it interesting.
"I imagined retirement being many things—but not teacher conferences, appointments with pediatricians and soccer games. At age 64, I am a member of an unconventional club: grandparents raising grandchildren. The Census Bureau estimates there are about 2.7 million people like me and my husband: grandmothers and grandfathers responsible for the basic needs of one or more children under age 18. I never imagined myself in this role. My husband and I are college graduates; we have a nice home, money in the bank, a place in the community. But then…I never imagined that our youngest daughter would become pregnant while she was still in school, eventually divorce and decide she wasn’t capable of raising a child."
1. Guilt about being a lousy parent thus leading to this situation
2. Things the retiree has to go through and give up to raise the grandkid
3. Putting on your parent hat with one grandkid and your grandparent hat with other grandchildren
4. Other retirees' lives compared to your own.
Like the OP, I have no children either. But in my 34 years of full-time work as a public high school teacher, I encountered a number of grandparents who were raising grandchildren, and my heart always went out to them. Being a parent is never easy, but the grandparents in that role often have it doubly hard because the very reasons for it usually have to do with dysfunctionality of some type on the part of the child's parents which has already affected the child(ren) by the time the grandparent has to take over.
I have no comment on this. Since I have no children, I have no grandchildren. I just found it interesting.
"I imagined retirement being many things—but not teacher conferences, appointments with pediatricians and soccer games. At age 64, I am a member of an unconventional club: grandparents raising grandchildren. The Census Bureau estimates there are about 2.7 million people like me and my husband: grandmothers and grandfathers responsible for the basic needs of one or more children under age 18. I never imagined myself in this role. My husband and I are college graduates; we have a nice home, money in the bank, a place in the community. But then…I never imagined that our youngest daughter would become pregnant while she was still in school, eventually divorce and decide she wasn’t capable of raising a child."
1. Guilt about being a lousy parent thus leading to this situation
2. Things the retiree has to go through and give up to raise the grandkid
3. Putting on your parent hat with one grandkid and your grandparent hat with other grandchildren
4. Other retirees' lives compared to your own.
I see this a lot these days. I have a few co-worker/friends who are raising grkids. Sometimes the mothers live with them too and sometimes not. Depends on circumstances. My oldest dd and her husband had two of his grkids for a few years because their parents were in prison and then rehab. All are doing fine now, thankfully. I'm also more than grateful that my own kids were decent parents because I don't think I'd have wanted to raise grkids. Although I WOULD have if I'd had to. I did take in a neice and nephew for a while and that was a disaster because of how they'd been raised. They were my sisters grkids and she did raise them part time. Another case of parents in jail, etc..
I was partly raised by grparents myself. When I was two my birth mother left my sister and me with my paternal grparents while my dad was gone during WWII. We also spent some time with my maternal grparents but not so much. Back then though raising kids seemed to be a 'family affair' and the aunts and uncles also helped. Nobody thought much of it but they DID have their thoughts about the reasons for it!
I see this a lot these days... Back then though raising kids seemed to be a 'family affair' and the aunts and uncles also helped. Nobody thought much of it but they DID have their thoughts about the reasons for it!
When I grew up, it was not unusual for kids to be shuttled off for a time to relatives for one reason or another. I remember an aunt who was in and out of psychiatric hospitals, an uncle who ran off with another woman and relatives stepping in to help while the left behind spouses got their ducks in a row, an uncle who needed cancer treatment or maybe it was a TB sanitarium, I can't recall, but the kids stayed with the grandparents while his wife accompanied him to treatment, several financial setbacks in which the kids were dumped with relatives while the mom and dad sought their fortunes in another part of the country.
Without welfare to soften the blows of life, family stepped in to help out.
Now it is rare to see aunts and uncles raising kids, but getting more common to see grandparents in that role.
A lot of young parents have to work, and it's often the mother who is carrying the health insurance for the family so it's not just her job income that would be lost if she quit. Grandparents who are laid-back and warm/fuzzy types do well in the childcare role if called upon. Those who are high-strung or not so laid back have a harder time, from what I've seen. Some grandparents go between several sets of young kids, not just one. Two in my class just do it as a matter of routine and say it's no big deal. Doing it or not doing it has a lot to do with the grandparents' personality, hopes and dreams for personal space, and tolerance for going through it all again. Not sure i could do it. I'm limiting myself to one afternoon a week, not at my house. That's just because I want to get to know the babies as they grow up, no one's asked me to.
A lot of young parents have to work, and it's often the mother who is carrying the health insurance for the family so it's not just her job income that would be lost if she quit. Grandparents who are laid-back and warm/fuzzy types do well in the childcare role if called upon. Those who are high-strung or not so laid back have a harder time, from what I've seen. Some grandparents go between several sets of young kids, not just one. Two in my class just do it as a matter of routine and say it's no big deal. Doing it or not doing it has a lot to do with the grandparents' personality, hopes and dreams for personal space, and tolerance for going through it all again. Not sure i could do it. I'm limiting myself to one afternoon a week, not at my house. That's just because I want to get to know the babies as they grow up, no one's asked me to.
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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We have 3 grown kids and one grandchild (so far) age 18 months. We often take him all day or overnight. We are rarely asked, we volunteer, because we enjoy it so much. After 25-30 years I guess we forgot how much fun it is having a little person around that's constantly learning from you. On the other hand, we can give him back after that, and are not responsible for food and clothing, school, outings and all the rest. We are not retired but still working full time or more, an just a full day can be pretty exhausting with a toddler that's constantly running. There's a reason people have their children in their 20s-30s.
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