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Just to clarify: The intensity of it is new. While there was one incident when they were older teens, there were many, many good years after that - and then there would be periodic incidents that I would hear about, but would not affect me as I was not privy to them.
The feuds intensified in the last couple of years and one of them has a significant other the others don't like, so that has added fuel to the fire.
I can't afford a cruise - wish I could - but then I would be cruising for all holidays and birthdays.
The individual celebrations are probably going to be necessary - that's how it's playing out anyway.
I could understand it better if there had been problems in childhood, but they were very close. I myself have a sibling I am not close to - so I can understand that that happens - but when kids who are so bonded have a rupture, it is really sad.
I guess the unreasonable part of me thinks that they "should" make-up, not only for themselves but for the good of the family. I did say that was the unreasonable part, so please don't beat me up for having that wish.
Actually, I think it's fine right here as many, if not most retirees have adult children and it's a subject a great many of us can identify and have had to deal with.
I wasn't suggesting that it wasn't fine here. I was suggesting that the OP would get a greater response in the non-romantic relationships forum because that's what they discuss on a routine basis. Here are a few of the ongoing threads:
Especially in the OP's case, since she posted the same topic last year, and maybe even the year before. Time to accept the things you cannot change.
I don't think I have ever posted this particular topic before. I have posted my feelings on family strife, but not this particular issue. I do recall you posting that you could not relate to family problems, so perhaps this isn't a thread topic you relate to or should be weighing in on.
I posted in the Retirement forum because, for me, it is an issue in retirement - and I think there are particular problems inherent in family feuds that negatively impact retired persons. I also wanted to get some perspective from people who have lived through this - looking for sage "advice" - actually, more just experience.
I guess the unreasonable part of me thinks that they "should" make-up, not only for themselves but for the good of the family.
Exactly. Also, unrealistic. You can continue to feel all this angst over a situation that isn't going to change, or you can give up on the idea of having a family gathering and visit with them individually. The choice is up to you.
Exactly. Also, unrealistic. You can continue to feel all this angst over a situation that isn't going to change, or you can give up on the idea of having a family gathering and visit with them individually. The choice is up to you.
Caladium... agree. Responses, seemingly any, feed the OP since she can't control her kids and get them to do what she wants.
I wasn't suggesting that it wasn't fine here. I was suggesting that the OP would get a greater response in the non-romantic relationships forum because that's what they discuss on a routine basis. Here are a few of the ongoing threads:
I've had a difficult relationship with my son, largely due to his wife (wife #2, wife #1 and I got along great!) being determined to undermine our relationship. But, there were other factors that had corroded our relationship as well: my son and his wife are very into very conventional love of material things but unconventional lifestyles (recreational pot smokers, heavy drinkers) and the other very strong factor is my stepdaughter's rejection of my son/her stepbrother.
My son and stepdaughter grew up together and in many respects were typical siblings. There is much affection between them. However my stepdaughter's husband has a strong dislike for my son and doesn't want to attend any "family" events if my son is there.
This is now going on for 16 years since my stepdaughter and he were married . My son has a pretty strong personality and some out there behaviors, so I can't defend him. But the alienation from his sister has hurt him deeply and he doesn't want to attend any family gatherings....which his wife (I believe) really prefers.
I have not addressed any of this, and just prefer to go on cruises. I don't go to any family birthday parties and my own birthdays are ignored. Oh well.
Allow me to jog your memory. Here's a couple I can think of off hand. Bottom line: you're welcome to start threads complaining about your dysfunctional family all you like. You don't seem to like the answers you get posting them here, so I agree with the others that maybe it would be a good idea to post them in another forum. Who knows, maybe you'll get a response you like better. Or keep posting it here if you like, but after awhile, there's not much the rest of us can say except you need to accept the things you cannot change, and this situation is one of those things. Not every family is going to be like the Waltons, in fact I doubt any family is. If the family gathering is a chronic problem that upsets you to such a degree, stop holding it.
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