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I recently became friends (again) with one of the ladies who lives downstairs from me. We had been friends previously but for one reason or another I decided to let it slide into nothing.
She is a very kind-hearted woman and when I think about the things she has endured in her life, I realize I need to be a more compassionate person. But I can be such a terrible failure at it some times!!
There are a few things that really bug me. Maybe somebody reading this will give me some good ideas of how to change my attitude. I clearly need some help here.
One thing is she has a mouth like a truck driver/sailor. And she talks loudly!! Sometimes every other word is F*** and I really hate it. I worked up courage the other day to tell her how I felt about that word, but she still uses it (not so often or as loud) and then covers it with, oh excuse me you don't like that word.
Am I being prudish?? Am I just an old fuddy duddy who can't keep up with the times? I have never seen a time when that word belonged in conversation.
Lastly, I am not a phone person. I've had experiences with people who love to go on and on forever about nothing that interests me. Hence, while they are blabbing about something (how the blouse fits, where the buttons are, if I only lost 10 lbs it would look better, etc. never seeming to need air) especially after she has had a couple of glasses of wine. OK, I know where that originated.... my late sister was alcoholic and would call me and talk forever while slurring her words, popping a can of beer, etc. I hated every minute of those conversations.
So the gal downstairs is more or less filling late sister's shoes and it brings up a lot of junk for me.
I don't think you are being prudish, but I do see why you let this friendship slide into nothingness once before. Do you really want someone who pushes your buttons in your life? Do you really want to deal with all of her issues. I was once told, "Don't date or befriend charity cases," and it sounds like this is what you are doing with this woman. I think you can do better.
I don't think you are being prudish, but I do see why you let this friendship slide into nothingness once before. Do you really want someone who pushes your buttons in your life? Do you really want to deal with all of her issues. I was once told, "Don't date or befriend charity cases," and it sounds like this is what you are doing with this woman. I think you can do better.
You make an excellent point.
I guess I try to figure out which is stronger, the good vs the not-so-good.
This is one of the big reasons why I want to move out of senior living apartments. Good grief. Talk about everything from aches and pains to money to kids to everything.
There is another woman who, when she sees me, gives me the third degree. Are you moving? Where are you going? Didn't you say another place? ETC. I try to be polite to her but I find I'm losing the desire to be nice.
Had some words with one of the men here who referred to our manager as a Nazi. I went up one side of him and down the other. Now he doesn't talk to me. Good riddance.
The downstairs woman, if you have caller id, just don't answer when you don't feel like talking to her. Whenever she swears, interrupt & say, please find another word as I do not care to hear that language. Repeat as necessary.
The nosey neighbor, something like, I haven't decided yeet, but you will be the first one to know when I have. Repeat as needed.
I have three friends who are quite content to talk on the phone for an hour or more and require little more than occasional murmured sounds in response. My book and I are happy to indulge them.
I think "don't date or befriend charity cases" was very good advice, for all of us. I know I have felt unkind if turning away a contact (not friend) because he/she was going to be a charity case, but keeping in touch with someone out of pity/charity is not a generous act, at least not for me. It damages me to feel so ungenerous and on some level, I'd hope that the recipient would not want to be an emotional charity case. (And if they do want to be, that's another issue). I do not want to be in the position of withholding emotionally and some people just do put you in that position. It might work for them, but it damages me, and I've learned not to do it.
She is a very kind-hearted woman and when I think about the things she has endured in her life, I realize I need to be a more compassionate person. But I can be such a terrible failure at it some times!!
There are a few things that really bug me. Maybe somebody reading this will give me some good ideas of how to change my attitude. I clearly need some help here.
Lastly, I am not a phone person. I've had experiences with people who love to go on and on forever about nothing that interests me. Hence, while they are blabbing about something (how the blouse fits, where the buttons are, if I only lost 10 lbs it would look better, etc. never seeming to need air) especially after she has had a couple of glasses of wine. OK, I know where that originated.... my late sister was alcoholic and would call me and talk forever while slurring her words, popping a can of beer, etc. I hated every minute of those conversations.
So the gal downstairs is more or less filling late sister's shoes and it brings up a lot of junk for me.
Any words of wisdom?
Thanks.
Why do you feel that you need to change your attitude? And is it really a friendship if you feel you have to change yourself or her in order to make the "friendship" palatable? Is this really a healthy friendship?
It is entirely possible to be compassionate when speaking with this woman, but another entirely to offer yourself up as a friend.
She isn't your sister. Life is too short to spend it hooked into this wacky relationship.
To all those who posted here. Thank you for your comments.
Unfortunately, I went through a very sad time these past two days. My cat became very ill yesterday and unfortunately got worse last night. I had to take her to the vet this morning for her to be put down. So my head has not been where it should be and I would like to get back to you hopefully tomorrow or Thursday.
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